Maybe it's just my faith life, but a lot of times I am not very surprised by what I read in my Bible. I have had a read-your-Bible in a year, and read it daily (or done my best) since at least 2010, so I have read a lot of the Bible.
I'm not one of those to memorize a lot of verses but some are worth it. At any rate, I would suggest everyone get one of those "Daily Bibles". It's one thing I asked for my birthday, years ago (I wanted a NKJV, Chronological), from my parents, and they got me. A good legacy of faith. The cover is starting to get beat up from all the use.
So, anyway, I'm reading today. I have mixed opinions about Psalms. They are, in my opinion, harder to read. At least now, on my medication.
So I'm reading. They're doing the Psalms of David in numerical order, because, in my Bible, he just died. I got to Psalm 4.
"Be angry, and do not sin.
Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Psalm 4:4 NKJV
Cutting and pasting Bible verses DOES NOT WORK in blogger. I always get my font changed, settings go whacko, and now I have this annoying gray line on my page. Ha. Went to HTML settings and got rid of it.
So, meaningful. I don't know about you, but I tend to think about wrongs done me more when I am at rest (in my bed), than when I am busy doing my daily life.
Someone online just said I was one of those dumb abused women who was going to get beaten to death one day. I don't think Ron could beat me to death. Physically. He might be able to choke or stab me but I don't think he could beat me to death. Could he kill me? Yes.
Could my medication kill me? Yes. My illness kill me? Yes. Could I have an aneurysm ticking away in my head, waiting to kill me? Yes. Could my heart go, since both parents have a history of pretty early onset heart disease? Yes. One of my paratransit drivers could kill me, those suckers run a lot of lights. Anything could kill me, I can't afford to worry about all of them.
Now, if Ron were ablebodied there is no question I would leave him. 1. He would be able to take care of himself. 2. He wouldn't lose the business. and 3. My risk level would be a lot higher.
Contrary to what some readers believe, I'm not stupid.
So I covered all that, hopefully they are educated. The one thing I find most tiresome when I discuss my home life online, is the assumption that I am buying him alcohol. NO, I don't. He has cab drivers do it. He has never had that one cab driver back, the one he gave the $200 tip to. I think he is embarrassed. And he should be, he said horrible things about me, to that man.
The verbal abuse, and watching Ron hurt himself, is a lot worse to me than the threat of something physical "perhaps" happening some time in the future. God gives me what I need to deal, and I know one reader who's going to have an apoplexy over that.
Today I got up late, about 8:30, got on the computer for a while, took a shower, and did my God Time. I ate a snack (some cheese) and took a nap for a few hours. I woke up with a NASTY headache. I get so sick of headaches. I guess it was the cheese. Yellow cheese can do that to me sometimes, and I will have to stick to my "white" cheese sticks I bought the other day.
I took something and asked Ron, who was up, if he wanted to work on the monthly report. He said no. He went back to bed.
Now, on the plus side, he hasn't been complaining about his back much lately. The last couple days, at least. I don't know if that means it's not hurting, or he's just not talking. It could be either.
Torbie was sleeping with him for a while, she was very cute.
I decided to bag up some candy. I got the pinata mix, the pulparindo, and the chili lollipops. I bagged them up with Spanish Scripture booklets. I did 5, then I put all the Spanish candy in one bag and put it on my bookcase. Then I bagged up I don't know how much English candy. At least a dozen, I went until I ran out of Scripture booklets. Actually, the candy is American, not English. I don't believe English candy would be very appealing to my recipients. I put it in a big tote bag and left it on my God Time couch (a loveseat I keep here in the computer room). The couch is pretty cluttered up with bags of candy and such, but I don't mind. There's enough room for me to sit, and that's all that matters.
I don't think Ron would be able to get up off the couch if he did sit on it, so he won't. He's never sat there that I can recall. He mainly just sits in his wheelchair. Bed-wheelchair-toilet-wheelchair-bed again.
I'm hungry, I'm going to go get some dinner and take my pills (which I did up last night). I have a couple of frozen burritos in the freezer, I plan to eat those with a glass of milk. That should hold the medication.
A few times now, I have taken my lithium WITHOUT enough food, and it was ghastly. I had extreme nausea and stabbing stomach pains. I actually considered weight loss surgery a time or two, but I need enough room in my stomach for the food I need to digest my pills. And WLS won't work if you are a snacker, which I am. So I need to just buckle down and regulate my intake so I can get down to a healthy weight.
Low carb is the way to go. I just need to get better low carb foods.
8 comments:
Are u insane. Just yesterday u said he was in pain and now u write he hasnt complained in a few days. I think ur a liar and this blog is fake
He's always in pain. He just hasn't been complaining about it so I assume it is "better". Hope it is.
And I would accept your criticism - be more inclined to - if you could properly spell the word "your".
I wish my blog were a fake - although why I would do such a thing is baffling. I have given enough information it would be pretty easy to do a search. Who is the man in the wheelchair? Not a lot of blind guys in wheelchairs, and I use the same one every time. LOL I even sleep with him.
So now we have established the fact that you will never leave him because he is a blind invalid. You and Ron do not share the same bedroom so I doubt you sleep with him and with his back pain I am sure sex is out of the question.
I've talked about us having separate bedrooms for years, since the time we bought the house 14 years ago, and then separate beds before that. He snores. He listens to loud talking books and bangs on them when they malfunction. He has trouble sleeping. I'm a restless sleeper, I could go on. Since we spend pretty much every "waking" moment together it seems only reasonable to get some "away" time at night.
Anyone who tells you they want to spend every second with their loved one, waking and sleeping, has a serious codependency problem that makes my problems look minimal.
All I will say on sex (and that is a very nosy question) is to refer you to a book "Enabling Romance". I got it after Ron's accident and we have found it helpful. Sex is what you make it. Intimacy is what matters, not, well, you get the idea.
I don't know why you think that question is nosy when you post everything else on your blog. So why would a sex question be off limits? Many have wondered since you often write about how ron doesn't shower, change his clothes, etc. If I had to hazard a guess there is not much intimacy of a sexual or even touching nature going on between the two of you. Plus with rons sensory issues with his back that makes sense too. There is nothing wrong with that. Yet in our society they make it seem like you have to be going at it all day everyday and if you aren't then there must be something wrong in your relationship.
Well, I have never said I share everything here, and I don't think it's appropriate for a born again to talk about their sex life. As to Ron, he doesn't shower; he takes baths. The bath water does not aggravate his neuropathy the way a shower would. He changes his clothes when I tell them to - he is really good at getting food stains all over his clothes so I am always taking them and washing them. Thank God for Shout gel, and a good washer. One reason I bought him the bib. He seems to love things in gravy, or sauce, and then spill it. The cat hair on his clothes is a bigger problem, actually. I am constantly cleaning it off. Too bad they don't make brown tabby & white pants.
All I will say is, if what you think of sex is what you see in the movies, you are missing out. More can happen than that. We don't break the nightstand anymore but we still have fun.
Why are you trying to make you and ron out to be sexual tigers and tigresses in the sex department. With the way he treats you and the fact that you are on anti-depressants I am quite surprised you even have a libido.
Plus you always say that ron never wants to clean himself before his doctors appointments. So...that leaves one to assume he is not up on daily baths, etc.
I never said we were animals, I just said we weren't dead. I'm not going to specify all the acts, what is and isn't done. Clearly he can't carry me up the stairs, not that we have any! LOL I'm on SNRI's which are better for me.
And about the bath before the doctor, yes, I supervise him in the tub just to make sure he gets everything. I don't supervise him every time, just before we see the doctor, because they have a "duty to report" if he seems neglected. He cleans up every day. It is actually pretty cute watching him check his "bad" armpit. He has to raise the arm in the air with his good arm, then sniff. Reminds me of right after his accident, when he would hug me by pulling his bad arm around me, with his good arm. It was very sweet.
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