Wednesday morning and a little bit of the afternoon

So, I didn't get enough sleep.  Ron kept me up. 

I laid in bed praying, asking God to make me more like Him, to help me forgive Ron, etc.  I felt better and then I fell asleep (it took a while). 

I woke up late and barely had time for a shower.  We went to the warehouse, Ron complaining bitterly the whole time.  Then he did the whole "dramatic head down in his arms" pose just to show everyone how miserable he was, just in case they didn't ask.  I found it really annoying.  No one wants to work.  Don't be a drama queen. 

I got enough merchandise to get us to Saturday. . Ron wanted a lot of drinks so I got them.  He wanted me to buy him popcorn, and wanted to buy me a case of sparkling water (the only nice thing he did).  Chuck came and we loaded up the truck. 

When we got to work, Ron didn't like the way the guys loaded the truck, even though they did exactly what I asked.  What he asked.  I told him "You need to say, put the light stuff at the back and the heavy stuff by the tailgate".

We got it unloaded.  Lots of drama from Ron, who decided to "help".  It would have been faster if I had climbed in the bed and done it myself. 

We got everything in the building.  I checked all the vending machines and they looked OK, but snacks needed stocking.  Ron only gave me 2 hours, not enough time to stock snacks AND help him.  He kept demanding my help, so I will have to go in tomorrow, on the bus.  Ron made a big production out of telling me he wasn't working until Saturday. 

At least I got him to agree to "use" Jack again. 

I did a lot for Ron and he did say one thing about it, thanking me and telling me I was a big help.  Then we came home. 

I was looking forward to lying down, because I was exhausted.  I laid down and Ron decided he was "sick of that toilet".  It is flushing, but not well, and Ron has been obsessed with making it "glug" the way it used to do.  Last night he got very drunk and flushed it several times, but nothing happened.  He's lucky it didn't back up! 

So Ron called a plumber, without talking to me, and scheduled him to come out "As soon as possible".  There goes my nap.  I was unhappy about it and I told him so.  He began mocking me "I need a nap".  I told him if he wanted me medicated, that came with a nap.  He kept mocking me and being very ugly. 

He said the same thing he said last night, no one "wants" me to live with them, he's the only soul who will put up with my crap, etc.  It's just manipulative emotional abuser crap, and I see it as such.  It is cruel and abusive.  I have chosen to be with Ron, no one else has.  No one else would.  His own family wanted to put him in a nursing home. 

I'm the only one willing to try and make a life with him.  But I don't say that, although I could "Even your own family doesn't want you!" etc.  I don't play those games.  I just state my gripes, and ignore him when he gets abusive.  He went on for quite a while. 

Then he told me to go back to bed!  I don't sleep in much, and I don't want someone knocking on the door when I'm like that!  Not to mention I had to clean the toilet, move the toilet paper off the back of the toilet so the plumber can access the tank, etc. 

I told him I was already up, I would stay up.  I attempted to clarify my complaint, and say "Can you please talk to me, before you schedule a repairman?"  His response was unprintable - basically accusing me of being a controlling - person.  I don't think it is fair to work me hard all morning and then keep me up because, on a whim, you decided to "fix" something that isn't an emergency. 

Ugh.  I'm not even angry any more, just disgusted.  Ron is incredibly selfish.  Generally that works out OK, as what makes Ron happy (going out to eat, sleeping in) makes me happy as well.  But when he decides he's going to "be the man" he can be very difficult. 

How did he expect me to react?  He knows I need my sleep. 

Since I didn't do what I would consider to be a "good" job stocking today, I will be taking the bus (two of them) to work tomorrow and doing EVERYTHING I need to do without any interruptions.  No "Get me a this" or "I need the big cart" I can just work and do everything I need to do.  It will be a PITA going to and from.  For one, there are no benches at any of the bus stops, so I will just have to stand and wait, after having worked on my feet all day.  I remember those days.  Not fun, especially in steel toed sneakers.  On the plus side, if someone bothers me, I can kick them with the steel toes and make them go away. 

A cab is about $30 each way.  Too much.  The bus will cost me $1.20 round trip (the one thing I did take for my disability - a disabled bus card), and the money's already on my card. 

Ironic, now Ron is complaining bitterly about "having to stay up".  I did not mock him for needing a nap.  Now the plumber's here.  Ron's being kind of a jerk.  It's embarrassing. 

I always feel like it's one thing if he treats me - I signed up for it, but other people didn't.  They're just trying to do a job and it's not fair. 

I need to go. 

I came back, just one last thought, I need to work on not going to bed angry tonight.  God says that gives the Devil a "mighty" foothold if I do.  And I don't want that.