"Stop bothering me or I'll hit you." Ron shouted.
Alarm bells began to ring. Lately, Ron has been threatening physical violence when he gets frustrated. He never used to do that.
I probably shouldn't say this, but after the accident, when he went back to work, he slapped me one day. I slapped him back, saying "You will not hit me!" He never did it again.
I am not happy about this. Long term readers will remember when Ron attacked me back in 2007. Normally I leave him alone when he's having a blackout, but in this instance Ron had broken a lamp and was trying to walk on broken glass in his bare feet. I had to pull him back. He objected. He tackled me onto the bed, breaking it, and began hitting and biting me. Not a highlight of our marriage. I ended up spending a week with my aunt and uncle, and I only came back on the understanding that Ron would give up ALL hard liquor. That didn't last long. I had bruises for weeks.
I didn't want to file charges, I had a couple of reasons. The first one being I thought he would keep his promise to avoid hard liquor. By the time he broke that promise, months had passed and it was too late.
Anyway, to the rest of my day. I got up at around 8:30, I slept in today. I took a shower and did my God Time. I watched a little TV. I took a nap. My alarm went off at 3 PM for some reason.
I got up and watched some more TV.
Ron asked me to check the mail. I did. We had a quote for the flood insurance ($1400) and a renewal notice for our dental discount program. I had to talk to Ron about both. That's when he lost his temper and made the crack about beating me. I left him alone, and he went to sleep.
I knew I should eat my dinner. I got out the kale (I am really developing a deep loathing for kale), my seasoning, and a hamburger patty. I cooked the kale with the seasoning, it made things a little more palatable. Baby Girl licked the hamburger patty after I cooked it, then "covered" it. She's a funny little cat.
I ate most of my kale and finally threw away the rest. I ate the hamburger patty and took my medication. I fed the cats. Ron woke up and acted like nothing had happened.
I guess it's the head injury, he can blow up and do the most awful things, then turn around and act loving and sweet, like nothing has happened. Or maybe it's just him being a narcissist. It's been almost 15 years since his accident, it's hard to remember if he was like this before the accident or not.
It's a dilemma, everything I read about head injuries says they have a temper and trouble controlling their emotions. . But I don't want to let him off for something he can control, if he can. I wish there were a test "Is Ron helpless when it comes to verbally abusing me?"
It's crazy, I mean, he gets angry at me for helping him, then 5 minutes later he's thanking me for doing the exact same thing. That, I attribute to the head injury.
At any rate I need to go to bed soon so I can get a good night's sleep. I ate some grapes with my banana this morning, and I didn't have any nausea when I took my medication. I ate some grapes after I finished my dinner and I am not nauseous.
I never knew until I went on the lithium, what a gift it is not to be queasy all the time.
9 comments:
Heather I love you if you do a search on how to tell if you are the victim of domestic abuse, you would score high obvio. He is an abuser. You live with and under the threat of it daily and it creates a syndrome of protection of your abuser.
You need kindness and love not this 24/7 call a hotline find help, no one forces you to do anything but they can guide you or offer support.
I've commented here before that I think you should leave. It makes me sad that someone with such a good heart is being treated this way. You deserve so much more in this life. freedom to do as you please and not have to live with this drama and abuse every single day. Take your cats and go, God loves you and understands. I will be praying for you as always. Hugs Heather
Don't waste your breath. She will NOT leave him. She believes god wants her to stay with a narcissist, mentally abusive alcoholic.
We don't "deserve" anything in this life. It's only by the grace of God we don't get what we "deserve"
Keep your head up sister.
No words to Healther are "wasted breath"
it can take a lot of encouragement and strength to leave someone so woven into the fabric of your being at such an early age.
It can take many attempts before someone leaves a domestic abuse situation and anyone God or no God knows this if they are at all aware of others and have empathy to the plight of abuse..most abusers will judge vs support so that is a thought .
Love you and ONLY you Heather Know really what you need to do and Who to ask for help you have asked before ...if it gets to be too much ask again ..no one will judge you harder than you do yourself I promise you OOOXXX
And there you have it! Always one person in the crowd blaming the victim for being abused.
Actually she has SAID MANY TIMES she will NOT LEAVE HIM. EVER. Because she believes it is god's will and plan. So it is not blaming the abused it is stating a fact as plain as the sun will rise and set in the morning. You have to understand she is operating from the mindset that even her mental illness was given to her by god to keep her humble - something else she has stated before.
Actually, I'd say God allowed the mental illness - because both sides of my family are RIFE with lunatics - to encourage me to depend on Him. If you look at a family tree chart it is pretty obvious it was inevitable I would get sick, bipolar on both sides, depression, suicide attempts, suicides, paranoid schizophrenia, I'm just glad I am functional at all.
I don't credit God with giving me the illness, I chalk that up to bad DNA, and that is one of the primary reasons I will NEVER have children. If God had wanted me pregnant it would have happened.
On the whole Ron thing, it's complicated, it's 5 AM, and I have to go take a shower before I go to work. I can't scare the customers.
"Actually, I'd say God allowed the mental illness." - God allowed no such thing. If he allowed and disallowed things you wouldn't have free will now would you. Your DNA and your mother's irresponsible behavior is the reason why you have a mental illness compounded with FAS. Nothing to do with god at all.
As to your second point:
"If God had wanted me pregnant it would have happened." Not true at all. That is like saying god wants child abusers and pedophiles to have children so they can abuse these innocent souls who are in essence helpless until they get older. Unfortunately our biology makes it so anyone (with the exception of faulty genes, etc)can have children. I say if god was the final say so regarding who can and cannot procreate then he is dong a miserable job at deciding who can and can't have kids. There are many sick people who should NEVER have had children to hurt.
As to your third point:
Your decision to never have children due to the inherent mental illness that runs in your family was a selfless decision. Too many people are selfish and don't care about the quality of life their child will have and go ahead and have children. I wish more people would make this choice.
Let's just keep it real and honest when it comes to god who has no power and no control over the lives of human beings. Everyday people make the choice on how they will behave it has nothing to do with god making a person do one thing or another.
I do wonder how your step mother a supposed christian came to terms with her treatment of you when you were a child. Does she just not remember how she made you a scapegoat in the family and contributed to making your life a living hell? Can a person be truly repentant and saved if they pretend they did not do the bad things they did? What about your father's role in not stopping the behavior? Does he also pretend none of it happened?
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