Wednesday

We lost power for a minute or so today.  Got me a little nervous. 

I slept OK last night, woke up in the middle of the night with Ron making noise.  "That's sad" I thought "His new 'drinking plan' didn't last 6 hours." 

This morning he asked me if he was quiet, and was shocked and upset when I said no.  He had been all set to boast about his new drinking plan and how well it worked. 

He sort of crawled off after that and went back to bed.  I took my shower and did my God Time.  I had woken up with a headache so I ate 3 aspirin for breakfast, along with my Diet Mountain Dew. 

I took a nap for a while.  Biscuit joined me.  Ron woke me up on the phone.  He had been asleep when I took my nap, so I didn't want to wake him up just to tell him I was taking a nap.  I did think it was a little unfair I let him sleep but he couldn't return the favor. 

He talked to our boss, and a cab driver. 

I was awake now, so I got up, moving soft, warm, Biscuit off my legs.  I got on the computer for a while. 

I have seen fewer ants today as opposed to yesterday or even 2 days ago.  However, they're still pretty bad.  I think they would give anyone fits.  They bother me in the bathroom and when I am in my TV chair, so I didn't want to watch a lot of TV. 

Ron woke up.  He called the cab driver a couple of times, begging for vodka.  However, the guy said no.  He called Chuck.  Chuck drove through flood water and has a check engine light now; plus everything around him is flooded and he can't get out even if he wanted. 

So Ron is facing the imminent demise of his last bottle of vodka.  He is panicking.  He actually asked someone to bring him two cases of vodka. 

We figured out work is open tomorrow.  So we made plans to go.  The cab driver who won't bring vodka, will take us to work.  If I were the cab driver I just wouldn't do booze runs at all.  I just hope we don't get stuck at work, which is a real possibility. 

I will bring a couple day's worth of medication just in case. 

Ugh.  I keep stalling. 

So, Ron was OK most of the day, not great, but alright.  Then, after dinner, I noticed the sink wasn't draining properly.  We have a 32 year old garbage disposal.  You can imagine it's about time to get it replaced. 

But Ron was sitting there with a mouthful of vodka.  Years ago, when he drank very little, he once asked me how alcohol was best absorbed.  I did some research at the library and said "Through the mouth".  So, when Ron takes a drink, he holds it in his mouth for 5-10 minutes, as long as he can, to "maximize" the effect. 

He will grunt at me with his mouth full, and I'm supposed to understand.  I find it rude and degrading when he does that.  Not to mention I don't like the reminder that getting a buzz on is, in fact, more important than communicating with the woman he says he loves. 

I told him what had happened and he began grunting at me.  I told him "I can't understand you".  He became very angry at me and his grunts assumed a more ominous tone.  He finally spit the drink out in a glass and demanded I bring him the plunger.  The plunger has a sturdy wooden handle, which he uses to unjam the garbage disposal when it gets stuck. 

He worked in there for a while, turned the water on and off, turned the switch on and off.  He threw something at me.  It was part of a vodka bottle.  Part of a vodka bottle had jammed up the drain.  Ron was very angry and blamed me.  I told him it was his vodka bottle, not mine.  How was it my fault?  He cursed me out and rolled back to his bedroom. 

He said he didn't want to yell at me, but he did just that for another 5 minutes or so.  Then he was quiet, I don't know if he fell asleep or passed out.  At any rate, he's quiet now. 

I have come to realize I cannot tell him I am leaving until I have made all my arrangements and actually have a physical place to go.  Tell him, basically, right before the movers come.  Living with me for months, fighting to keep me, trying to "prove" he can "handle it', it would be exhausting for both of us. 

No, I will look for another job after the first of the year, save as much money as I can, purge 90% of my stuff. 

I realized I didn't care about very many things getting flooded.  So I will get rid of those things.  I clearly don't need them (except for things like winter clothes). 

I will keep quiet and make my plans.  I know I can live on my own, I did it when Ron was in his job training program for months.  I just worry about finding a good job but I figure God will take care of me. 

I am even willing to continue to help Ron with the business.  He won't treat me very well but if I can go back to my own place that would help a lot. 

And I would get a place on the second floor.  For a couple reasons.  1.  To keep him out.  I doubt he could get up a flight of stairs.  and 2.  Flood control.  It is a lot better to have an apartment on the second floor in a flood-prone city. 

At any rate, I need to go to bed early so I can get ready for work tomorrow.  Hopefully we will be able to get in and fill the machines.  Hopefully, no one used that "extra" key to our stockroom either. 

Keep praying for me to have good guidance and clear thoughts.  I don't want to do anything impulsively.