Tuesday, August 29, 2017

"I have seen too much"

I managed to get some sleep, and slept until about 9.  I got up, did my shower and God Time. 

Someone had written on a message board that a shower would "flood my neighbors downstream".  Well, I'm sorry, but I need to bathe, and that prediction's coming from a civilian and not someone on the water board. 

Ron woke up.  I asked him what he remembered of last night.  He remembered not being able to get on the toilet.  I told him the rest of it and said I was about done. 

He went into immediate denial mode.  He still is.  I have told him his drinking is going to make me leave him.  "No, it won't, because I'll fix it".  He still thinks things are "fine".   I think he figures I just need some courting to "come around" 

I took a nap, got some sleep, worked on the ant problem.  I ended up making a mixture of sugar and borax, and sprinkling that everywhere. 

Ron instituted his "new" drinking program, a "foolproof" way to ensure he doesn't have any blackouts.  I told him: "You have two choices.  You act like a jerk because you put alcohol in your mouth.  You need to either stop putting alcohol in your mouth, or you need to put less".  Ron decided he would do less alcohol. 

I took him for a walk to the bayou (no, not to throw him in!) and he kept trying to get me to say he was "fine" with his new drinking plan. 

"Ron" I told him "Nothing you can say or do will ever get me to say you can 'hold your liquor'.  I have seen too much".  That took him aback.  I reminded him that, a little over 12 hours ago, he had his head stuck in the wheelchair screaming for rescue.  If I had made a video I'm sure people would have thought it was funny, but it made me angry and frustrated. 

I need to watch how much I'm taking before I start lashing out at him.  Besides verbally, that is. 

We can't go to work tomorrow.  Paratransit is only doing emergency trips = dialysis.  If someone goes without dialysis for more than about a week they will die.  So, they have to get "done" the minute the roads open.  Ron called and asked if we could go to work, they laughed at him. 

So we're stuck at home for another day. 

The trip to the bayou was interesting, it was running fast, about 3/4 of the way up, even now, days after the flood.  But it's running.  It's when it's stagnant, kind of swirling around, that I need to worry. 

Ron swears he will behave tonight so I should get some sleep.  I sure hope the borax works on the ants, I am heartily sick of them. 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"You need to either stop putting alcohol in your mouth, or you need to put less" there should be no compromise. Either no alcohol or you will leave. This is just a game and while he may stick to this at first I can guarantee you he will be back to being blackout drunk in 2 weeks or less. You are in a predicament because your income is reliant on a job from him. Until you get a job of your own you will never be able to make good on your threat to leave him.

Anonymous said...

I agree with #1. No compromise. I've known you since Prophecy Fellowship and & found you again a few months ago. I remember how it was with you and Ron before his accident. Things have really gone downhill with the drinking and the verbal & emotional abuse - please please stay with what you say. Ron hasn't hit his rock bottom but you have. You need a sanity break, Heather. Stay strong. -Tigger