Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Big meal

 I slept pretty well last night.  At one point I woke up with Torbie next to my head.  To me, that's the pinnacle, it doesn't get any better than that, unless she maybe gets on my lap. 

I slept later, getting up with barely enough time to take my shower.  I did and got dressed. 

We were going to Carl's Junior.  Ron wanted to go out for breakfast, I didn't want anything too fancy and figured I could wrangle the breakfast burger and make it work for me. 

The breakfast burger has a layer of tater tots on the lower bun, a meat patty, cheese, an egg patty, and bacon.  Both sides of the bun are slathered in ketchup.  I figured I would be OK if I took off the cheese, buns, and tater tots. 

I would have kept the cheese if it were "real" cheese, but fast food cheese is nearly always some processed crap.  I don't think that is paleo by any means. 

We went to the restaurant and I ordered my pain in the ass thing.  I felt like a real nuisance telling them to leave this and that off the burger.  Ron got a burger with ribs on it.  He liked it just fine. 

We got stuck there for an hour and a half.  We talked a little.  I don't mind talking to Ron when he is sober, but that isn't...always possible. 

I took all my medication at once, figuring this would be my "big meal" for the day.  Then I took a b-vitamin because I thought I could use it.  It all settled OK with my burger, so I was glad I chose it. 

We finally came home.  I tried to take a nap, but didn't sleep very well, even though Torbie! came to bed.  She is so cute, I just love her to pieces.  She slept by my head after grooming herself. 

I did fall asleep for a little bit, and had a dream about a guy I used to know in church youth group.  I loved him passionately, he was always a gentleman.  I settled for being friendly with him. Right before my parents left the church, he gave me a lovely valentine, so we missed our chance.  I often wonder what happened to him.  He was average looking, about my height, very kind and sensitive, incredibly intelligent, had a paunch and receding hairline even then, and was a hard worker on our mission trips.  I wish him well, I really hope he is tremendously happy with a wonderful wife and a couple of kids.  He would have made a great father. 

It is hard not to compare, and this is hard to write, because I know how it makes me look.  But I look back, and then I look around, and I'm sad.  My life did not turn out how I hoped. 

I think everyone in my situation does that. 

At any rate, even with Torbie, it was too depressing to stay in bed, so I got up.  I got online for a little bit.  I finally ran a load of the clothes Ron was complaining about.  He waits until he has nothing, and then he gives them to me.  I don't mind doing them that way if I am feeling OK but it puts a lot of pressure on me. 

I was able to cram most of the clothes into the washer.  I put in some stain remover/color brightener stuff and ran a "soak" cycle.  It does just that, soaks the clothes, hopefully getting out the worst stains.  Then, when the "soak" is done, I ran a heavy-duty cycle with a couple of unscented Tide Pods.  I guess I could have used the scented stuff because it was Ron's load but I wanted to use the good detergent.  That should do the job, it has before. 

When the load is done, I will put it in the dryer and run another load, put that in a dryer.  You could put a person in my dryer.  It will take forever to dry but that's OK, I will run it tomorrow morning before it gets hot.  I see no point in running the dryer and the A/C at the same time.  Then I can dump it all on Ron (I will hang them up) and show him he has plenty of clothes, he just has to give them to me before he's out. 

I guess I need to get better about asking for them, too.  At any rate, it's in process and I have about a half hour before it finishes. 

I never noticed how long my old washer took to run a load, but the new one takes about an hour a load, a little longer if I run the soak cycle.  Then I need to pretreat the next load and get it in.  For instance, someone threw up on my computer chair cover.  I am sure I can wash it out but I wish they would have aimed for the floor instead. 

Why is it we always do the chores on our days off?  Is it because we're too tired during the week?  I don't know. 

I also need to cook up some vegetables for dinner.  I plan to do some kale, carrots, and celery. 

Oh, my waist was down an inch this morning.  My hips were up an inch, go figure that, but at least my waist was down.  We'll see if it stays down. 

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I can't fix what's wrong with him.

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