Friday, August 11, 2017

"I need a diner"

I got up at 2:15 AM.  I was pretty tired and had not slept well last night. 

I got up, brushed my teeth, fed Biscuit.  I ate a banana, drank my Diet Mountain Dew, and took a shower.  I forgot to tie my hair back. 

Our ride was on time, but, to my view, had a terrible attitude.  Hey, the early morning drivers are done for the day at 10-11 AM.  That's a pretty sweet deal by any standards.  Not to mention I have found the early morning drivers are the happiest.  Except this one. 

We had a straight trip to work and went to work.  We had been gone 2 days.  Not a lot to stock, really, but I stocked what I could and made up a detailed inventory.  I helped Ron with his work.  We got our delivery, a little late, at around 7:30.  He put everything away. 

I am on alert right now, Ron told me "I'm going to have a blackout".  I asked him not to drink too much, but he basically told me he was going to have one regardless of what I wanted.  I forget sometimes he is addicted. 

That's not excusing him.  But I forget he doesn't really have a choice, as he sees it, about drinking. 

Ron and I once met a man who used to be a crackhead.  He told us he used to work all day, go home, stay up all night smoking, take a shower, and go to work the next day.  He begged God to help him end this addiction, and heard God tell him "Stop buying the crack".  He stopped, and had no problems with withdrawal or going back to a normal life. 

Ron has to stop buying the alcohol.  If it's not in the house he can't drink it.  He has to want to stop drinking.  Right now he isn't at that place, and I'm the one who suffers, who literally mops his blood off the floor after a bad blackout. 

Back to work: we got it all done pretty early, around 8.  Ron had made a "reservation" with Chuck to go out for breakfast.  It was my idea.  I don't want to call him only when we need something.  We can spend time together just to spend time together. 

So, Chuck came about 8:15, we put everything away and headed out.  We went to Denny's, my idea last night.  "I need a diner" I told Ron. 

So we went.  The waitress said I could combine 4 items off the breakfast menu for $7.  I got 4 eggs, 2 sausage links, and some bacon.  Ron got a steak skillet, he is still working on that.  Chuck got something off the value menu. 

I ate everything on my plate (all paleo) and took my medication.  We talked for a while and then went home. 

Chuck heard Biscuit crying at the door, he does that when we put up the garage door and go into the garage (before we open the door to the house).  He thought it was cute, and it is. 

He left, we put the garage door down, and went into the house.  I laid down and took a nap, I had slept badly last night. 

I slept for a while.  I woke up and did some computer stuff, then talked to Ron a little bit before he started drinking.  I put my insoles into my "new" work shoes, so I can try them tomorrow.  I really hope they work for me, my old shoes are falling apart, but are very comfortable. 

Now Ron is collapsed in bed, yelling at the television.  It's still pretty early yet so I won't go to bed yet. 

But I will go to bed early.  Tomorrow we have truck day and we need a lot of inventory.  Happily sales are up a little bit, not huge but a better take than we had last week.  At least we have enough to pay for our stuff. 

I'm depressed today, but not too bad.  Part of it is Ron's unending negativity.  I can only take so much, and when I tell him I've had enough he is liable to shout at me.  Then he only wants to talk to me, normally, when he's drinking.  Part of it is just my own brain chemistry; I tend to get depressed during the scorching summer months. 

At any rate, I'm going to go rot my brain watching TV for a while.  I fed Biscuit and Baby Girl their wet food early, because I fed them so early this morning and they had literally eaten every scrap.  I will feed them a dose of their dry food before I go to bed so they have something to snack on while I'm sleeping. 

I don't like to think of a rescue cat going hungry. 

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