Ron decided he didn't want to work today, and stayed in bed. The handcart and I went to the store, bought soda, delivered it to my other location, and stocked it. Yay me.
I finally went to my favorite Christian bookstore. They were seriously worried about me and said they'd be praying. I told them Ron is a hardcore alcoholic, and I'd take it. I also got some New Testaments with what was left of my gift card.
I considered buying the 5 love languages book for Ron, but prayed on it and got a no. They had an audio book. I am trying to recognize his love language is acts of service, so when he brought me a cold soda a while back, I treated it as a gesture of love. He hates walking; it hurts his feet. Bringing me a soda is a big deal.
Can I cherrypick? I feel that's what I'm doing; picking out the best and leaving the rest up to God. That's all I can do.
I persist in saying, I don't see how an atheist can get through the day. My problems are pretty big to me, but everyone has problems. How do they cope? They don't have a God - they don't have the promise of Hebrews 10:30 *"Vengence is mine, I WILL repay" says the Lord. "The Lord will judge His people."*
Ugh. I would go buy a gun and do something final. I wonder what the suicide rate is for an atheist, compared to an evangelical?
Anyway, I made a pretty good day of it today. I went to Starbucks. I read a couple of shorter inspirational romances. I wasn't all shrill and hatey with Ron. Honestly, I feel sorry for him. He is really ill and is in complete denial.
It felt good to tell someone how awful it is, to see him staggering home from the liquor store with 4 liters of vodka in a bag hanging from his neck. Even nicer to know they will be praying for both of us.
I was scolded for neglecting them and making them worry, which I thought was really sweet. It is nice to have people care about me, without any baggage.
A lot of running around planned for tomorrow, I'm glad I went ahead and got the machine stocked. It is starting to pick up on sales. I think gas prices could be a factor; it is a lot easier to stay in the breakroom and shovel a couple quarters into "my" vending machine. I always thank them!
I also got some interesting gossip from one of my bus drivers. They might be changing one of the routes. If they do, I think it will be a good thing.
Then I came home and it was about 4 something. I did my God Time, talked to Ron for a bit, and checked the mail. I got an invitation to join a new church. I will do some investigating. However, they claim they are missions-minded and do outreach in cities and worldwide. That would be very cool.
Sometimes I feel very alone out there with the Free Bibles sign. Except for Him, of course.
4 comments:
the way an athiest gets through the day is by knowing they only have one chance to make an impact on the world (for good) an they do the very best they can to make good of it.
I do think it would be "easier" to be an "Evangelica/"
But I also think if there really is a God then he hardwired me like this because I am not evil
Oh, it's not for me to judge - says so REPEATEDLY in the Bible. Sadly, I am sure you have met your share of shrieky haters.
I guess I feel a little guilty - it's like I'm walking on coals in these great fireproof boots, the atheists only have bare feet. I want to help them!
I don't think atheists are evil. I think they are hurting. I agree with you, though. We only have one life and we had better make it count. For me, that's sharing my faith and living a moral life.
Heather, you should join a Church or women's group at a church. You might make some good friends with similar beliefs and interests and it might be fun.
Do not feel guilty or feel like a "hater". After reading your blog for a long time I know how deeply your faith runs and would never dispute or deny it is real Heather please know that. I enjoy sharing everyone's faith or lack of it. That is why I follow and appreciate your blog! You are not the first Christian to think Ipeople like me are suffering or in pain I promise. Really while I do suffer and have sadness in my life. I can honestly say spiritually I feel fine with myself
I appreciate and enjoy all levels of discussion on this subject and would RATHER someone ask me head on instead of acting like I am an evil spiritual cripple for not believing in anything other than what is in front of me now.
I absolutely do not begrudge anyone their faith or feelings about me and my lack of it. I know it is hard to understand being an atheist, especially as an Evangelical it must seem implausible. I can not help it! This is what I am and my brain is wired that way.
I love my "neighbors", animals and this world we live in and enjoy sharing life. I have my own tragedies and sadness but over all I think I am a very good and whole person who would drop anything to care for anyone at any time.
I do not feel anything but love from you you are not a hater I know that!
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