Hashing it out

Well, last night had a great ending. 

My #1 thing has not been to get Ron out of my life.  My #1 thing is Ron treating me with respect, and I feel valued.  I told him that. 

He "caught" me making the video blog.  I told him I would be happy to play it for him.  I told him, I was expressing how I don't feel loved [because of the verbal abuse]. 

Some raised voices on both our parts; but I told him - this can't continue.  I am battling an illness that wants to kill me, and the last thing I need when I'm depressed is to hear the man in my life calling me a broken piece of crap.  I told him the cat was a better husband, and more supportive. 

He told me he was in a lot of mental pain; I told him so am I.  But I don't dump it on you.  I understand you are angry and have a lot of frustrations, but you can't continue to take them out on me.  How do I know you love me?  When was the last time you said something kind and supportive, not 2 minutes ago you said I was "F-d up". 

He said I couldn't dominate and control him - it is funny how he can accuse me of doing the very things he does.  I said, no, I couldn't, and he was welcome to call me whatever he wanted until I moved out. 

I coudln't do that!  Oh, yes I could.   Why shouldn't I?  I told him, I have Biblical cause to move out.  Even the most die-hard Bible thumper would support me, and 95% of the people in my life would have a party if I did move out. 

He tried to play the pity card, would I really leave him like that?  I said, that might have worked, and did, but you can get a home health aide.  You can get an employee, especially in this economy. 

Then he really started talking.  He said he was shocked I didn't know how he felt.  You mean...  and I quoted "The Usual" back at him.  I said, this is what I'm hearing.  I would think you'd be happy to get rid of me if you really think that. 

I told him [the verbal abuse] has to stop.  You don't have to fawn over me, but stop calling me [the usual]  I said, that hurts me.  When you refer to me as "broken", that hurts me.  It makes me feel like a used piece of toilet paper. 

Anyway, he seemed to get it, for now.  We'll see.  He did ask me to let him know when he does it, so he can stop. 

He was very nice to me today.