I can only change myself

I try to take the phiosophical viewpoint.  After my nap, more of the usual. 

Ron was able, for a long time, to manipulate me by fast-talking about his favorite pet psychology thing "TA".  If that didn't work, he would theaten to throw me out (not in Texas he won't).  Name calling and judging rounded out the toolbox. 

But what if I don't care?  What if I tell him "I don't want to talk about TA"?  What if I refuse to let the name calling and judging to matter?  I mean, really, read last week, then tell me why it should matter if he calls me names!  [snerk]  He knows he can't throw me out, and if he did I would probably leave happily. 

He doesn't have any tools.  I can feel sorry for him, at this moment in time.  All the old tried and true techniques are failing.  His timid, fearful, pleaser has changed into a confident, assertive woman. 

I used to be very distraught if he called me a name, or implied I wasn't evolved enough for him (oh, puke).  Now, I just say, "Whatever, dude" and disregard the shouting.  Instead of desperately throwing all my values by the wayside, I am holding firm to them and saying "That is wrong" and "I won't do that". 

Instead of being arm-twisted (mentally), into "condoning" his porn issus, I tell him "As far as I'm concerned, you're cheating", and go off and live my life without desperately trying to "change" him. 

I spoke briefly of this on a message board, and said I see three possibilities: separation - which sure seems to be the "easiest" right now emotionally; but adds a whole level of complexity for everything else.  Who gets the house?  What about the cat?  Etc. 

Divorce being the most permanent; and again, same issues.  If he is unwilling to make things work, and wants a divorce, I'll give it to him.  He has certainly broken God's law. 

The third, and least likely, in my book; would be reconciliation.  Stop laughing {grin}  Or screaming.... probably screaming.  Anyway, if God can raise the dead He could change Ron's heart.  If Ron were willing to be changed... but I find that one the least probable of all. 

I just want to go through a day, without the shouting, manipulation, judging, and name calling.  A while back, I was talking to Ron about how much I enjoyed him after the accident. 

He was a very simple person.  He was very appreciative.  He never had a bad word to say about anyone.  He lived in the present, not a lot of hashing up old stuff or worrying about the future, stuff he can't change anyway, and then blaming God.  He loved God and respected and valued me. 

Sadly, Old Ron came back after a while.  Booo.