So I have been having a pretty good time with my family, alternating with depression and sorrow over Ron. I feel so bad for him that he had Alzheimer's. What a terrible condition and how awful for a man who prided himself on his mind. But he went quick and that's what he would want.
Not only did the coroner review the brain, samples were sent to a renowned neuropathologist, who confirmed the diagnosis. So I feel pretty secure in the diagnosis, it certainly matches his symptoms. Based on what I have read I think he was stage 4. I asked God for accurate results on the autopsy and I feel I got them.
But it has been nice to spend time with my family; we celebrated my birthday this week, I got some sheets, a very nice foot bath, etc. Dad took us all out to eat at a steakhouse tonight. I had a whole pound of sirloin, it was tasty, and a giant piece of pecan pie for dessert. The cats are getting more comfortable with grandma. Torbie and Baby Girl are my standby friendly cats. But Biscuit is considering her. I also ate some delicious brisket (not on the same night!) at my aunt's house.
Tomorrow we go to Galveston and show Mom and my uncle where we put Ron. Then lunch at a good restaurant the locals favor. It is always nice to go to the beach and it should be quiet. It will be good to be busy on my anniversary as it would have been (officially) 29 years. Unofficially we did make it to 29, just, before he died. I imagine next year will be hard that would have been 30.
I am debating taking off March 6 next year. On the one hand better to stay busy at work, and I can count on staying busy. On the other hand maybe some time at home to think, read my Bible and pray. I'm not sure I have half a year to decide.
This morning Dad and Mom took me to Sam's Club. Ron had $121 in rewards. I wanted some pinata mix for the candy I hand out with scripture booklets. I got 4 bags of that (20 pounds), seven and a half pounds of Brach's kiddie mix, and 2 flannel shirts. I tried on the 2 XL but Mom said it was way too big on me, so I tried the XL and she was much happier. I still had room in it and it buttoned fine so I got one in purple plaid and one in a blue and white plaid. Dad likes Sketchers I found a pair in his size that Mom said he would like, so I got that too (early birthday for Dad). They fit him great and he likes them.
When I went to check out it asked if I wanted to pay with the rewards, I said yes and it did it. So it was all free! Sweet!
We went home and put it away, had an early dinner, hung out at my aunt's house for a while. Mom likes spending time with the cats. I have told her they can have as many treats as they want. So the older girls (Torbie and Baby Girl) like her just fine. Biscuit is thinking about her, and Spotty and Cleo are a no-go. But she has the brown girls so she is happy. Baby Girl even got up on her hind legs and put her paws on "grandma's" leg when she slacked with the treats. I am happy she gets some time with the cats and I think it is a good idea to expose the cats to other people.
So I am doing OK overall I am just mainly sad for Ron. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease for the patient. It is awful for the caregiver, too, but very hard for the person with the illness because they feel themselves slipping away. And Ron had that, I could tell he worried. I remember one time he woke me up almost crying because he couldn't remember a place he had lived in CA. Or the time he had a mental break during the house re pipe and I had to call 911 because he was freaking out and screaming. I naively attributed things like that to the head injury and/or the drinking.
We didn't know. It would have killed Ron to know he had that. Better to go the way he did. This way, God's way, I got to keep the house and the cats, I lost the business but got another job I do well at a place that has been understanding. Ron did not linger for years in some hell hole Medicaid nursing home; he went quick in his own bed, likely with his cat. He didn't suffer. God provided for me financially and emotionally. I miss Ron terribly, I miss being married. I had a very hard time at work, passing the Men's department, seeing women shopping for their husbands and knowing I would not be doing that any more. But I am better now.
I am not great but I am doing OK. Why? Because I have my faith in God to provide. God has carried me through everything in my life, and parts of my life have been very hard. But He got me through that; He will get me through all of it if I let Him.
That's it for now.
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