I almost had a major panic attack today

 I got up, took care of Ron, went back to sleep.  I got up a few hours later.  I had taken my shower last night so I didn't need one this morning.  

I took care of Ron again, checked on the cats (fed them last night), got dressed.  I had planned to ride the bus to a stop near one of my Walmarts, disembark, walk alongside a busy road (I assumed there would be footing), and save some money on my Walmart trip.  

It went very well, even finding out there is a homeless camp in the bushes near the bus stop (not by my house, where I got off).  There's a drug store on the corner.  As I approached the busy road I froze up.  There is no way I could walk on the narrow footpath with all those cars whizzing past.  

I do not often feel I have PTSD but I locked up and was well on my way to a full blown panic attack at just the thought of walking next to this road.  I thought about it for a minute and decided to show myself some compassion.  

And I'm sorry Joe, but I did it.  I made the short trip all the drivers hate.  But the guy who came was super nice and friendly.  He didn't act like he minded a bit at having to drive miles out of his way for a short trip that probably only got him $2.  Well, I gave him a good tip but he didn't know that when he accepted the trip.  I made the trip from the drug store to the Walmart.  It was not long but it was safe and I didn't traumatize myself.  

There are things I can't do.  I have limits, hard as it is to accept.  This is one; I have difficulty walking by busy roads.  I kept seeing Ron in the ICU with his head stapled back together.  

So I went in, I didn't have much money but I was able to get our favorite bread ($2), peanut butter, jelly, a goober for Ron (peanut butter mixed with jelly already, all you do is spread on the bread), some home care things (main reason aside from the bread), and some pillow forms for the pillow covers my adoptive Mom sent me.  That's the nice thing about the wish list, I always get what I want.  And I had plenty of items on the list so I would be surprised.  

Then I came home, put it all away, took care of Ron some more, and took a nap.  I had a good nap and woke up to find Torbie sleeping in my sock drawer.  I don't have drawer pulls on a lot of my dresser drawers so I usually leave them open.  She likes to sleep in them and I'm OK with that.  The average cat grooms 4 hours a day.  My longest shower takes maybe 20 minutes.  

Then I cleaned up the pullout couch and fixed it up with the new pillows.  It is very cute.  I plan to mix some more pillows on both couches, I like a lot of pillows on my seating.  And in my bed.  

I took a style quiz and I came up Sporty/Romantic which means I can wear a tank top with a peasant skirt and sandals, or a billowy romantic blouse and jeans.  You get the idea.  I could probably live in the sporting apparel section of a clothing store.  Anyway, one point made was that a "Romantic" woman always has a ton of pillows, and I am GUILTY!  I would like to get a lot of pillowcases in the same color so it's all coherent.  No one cares if Ron has a gray pillowcase with a brown fitted sheet and a teal blanket, after all he is blind.  But I sleep with 4 pillows on a good day and I would like them to be the same color.  The bedroom is cream with dark purple floor length curtains so black, cream, etc.  I am leaning towards black.  They have some multi packs pretty cheap on Amazon so I wish listed one - if I don't get it for Christmas I can always buy it myself later.  This is not an urgent matter by any means.  Just something to think about.  

I had some good cuddles with the cats, although Biscuit was watch cat this morning.  I was in the front room and I heard Biscuit growling, and then he ran down the hall and hid under my bed.  For once, I was dressed.  I opened the door and there's the yard guy!  No wonder Biscuit ran!  After they left I stuck my head under the bed and told Biscuit he could come out, and he did.  Then I gave him some treats.  His special, $9 a bag, treats.  

I love spoiling him he makes it a lot of fun.  Cleo got some cuddles today, too.  Her love language seems to be shoving her butt in my face as I sit on the couch, I find it adorable, and she is always very clean (unlike Biscuit!).  He is lucky he lives with me anyone else would be scrubbing him every time he turned around.  

About the only bad news for Ron they did not have his Panino at the store so he only has a little left, but I can give him something else when he takes his pills, a little slider maybe.  I DID get the delicious pepper turkey we both like so much.  I may roll that up and shove it at Ron during pill time.  He loves that.  

I have planned for some upheaval after the election.  My plan is to stay at home for a few days/week until it settles out.  To that end I have also looked at, could we lose power?  It is possible if rioting gets bad.  So I don't have a tremendous amount of perishables, a good amount of canned food, etc.  But I am not near any busy roads, as I call it, so we should be fine.  I am just careful.  

My only big plan for the night is to hunt around and see if I can find Ron's lidocaine cream.  He had the bottle last night and lost it somewhere, but he's in bed only so it can't have gone far.  I just need to locate it and verify Ron has a good place for it now.  

The utility district is tearing up the sidewalk by the mail boxes not sure how long that is going to take or even if I still have water.  I do feel they are pretty good at maintaining things.  

I am planning to have hot dogs for dinner.