The rest of my brain

I was just climbing into bed when I heard #6 talking very loudly next door, in that "Hey, kids, let's play" tone of voice.  It wasn't late by most standards, but I had to get up at 3. 

I assume he feels he has to talk very loudly to the children, in order to be heard, or maybe he thinks the loud voice conveys fun and energy - I don't know.  I had some bad thoughts for a while, wishing they would shut up; and be as quiet towards us as we are towards them.  We never, ever, make a racket.

I could hear every word inside my bedroom, with the noisemaker on.  He's loud.  

Anyway, he had a small box of the "snaps" or "poppers" - a small noisemaking toy.  You throw it on the ground, the substances interact, and it makes a very small flash and loud snap noise.  They are a small, paper twist. The kids were exclaiming, shouting, and yelling instructions at each other, in addition to Dad's loud exclamations. 

I decided I wasn't going to get any rest, more likely, I would get my adrenaline up and never sleep.  So I got up and did something in the front of the house.

I waited about 10 minutes, and they finished.

Interestingly enough, these things are only available for sale at fireworks stands - from Christmas through New Years.  Someone must have had some left over from their New Year's celebration and given them to him.  

Anyway, here's my gripe.  They act as though they live with no one around them.  However, they do not live in a bubble.  They don't even live on a tenth of an acre.  They are surrounded by other people who work "weird" hours - some of them work nights, some of them work very early mornings, etc.  But they behave as though everyone "ought" to live on their schedule. They appreciate the peace and quiet we give them, but don't return the favor.  They also do not respect property lines, although everyone respects theirs. 

I am consoled by the fact that the kids are in an 11 hour a day charter school - I don't see much of them these days. 

Anyway, I find all this embarrassing.  I doubt your average person is "this" upset by such a "common" issue.  I don't even like to share it but there's some other poor soul out there with the same problem, feeling like they're the only one in the world... you're not.  It sucks.  But keep a journal, for God's sake don't ACT on it. 

I also find myself understanding my maternal grandmother a lot more than I'd like.  See, I have paranoid schizophrenia on BOTH sides now.  Great, huh? 

Anyway, my maternal grandmother was absolutely ruled by her illness, "paranoid schizophrenia".   She had a terrible, miserable, life, convinced that everyone was out to get her.  Never accepted her diagnosis or took medication.  Here's some more about the illness in general: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/schizophrenia/index.shtml

I totally "get it" feeling like people are out to get me; getting "overly upset" at "small annoyances" (although I'm honestly not sure which flavor of crazy that falls under, one, or both), agitation, etc.  The first is probably the worst. 

Honestly speaking, the neighbors don't give a flying ()*! about me.  I know that, logically.  I just wish the rest of my brain got it. 

Now that I have completely taken my mental clothes off... the rest of my day. 

I slept badly.  I woke up with a terrible headache around 1:30.  I decided to try to sleep a little longer (got up around 3), and took my Excedrin.  It was pretty awful (the headache, not the remedy).  I got dressed and went to work. 

I had two deliveries.  God abated the headache during them, and putting away the soda.  I actually got some help from the other vendors putting up the soda.  I'm glad I put the "name tags" on the wall, if someone does help it is easy to figure out where to put the drinks. 

I stocked, machines looked good, I feel fine leaving them tomorrow.  I ran out of K-cups but we just fixed the coffee vending machine.  Everything else was fine.  I even had some downtime. 

We got everything done and put away, then came home.  We had a good ride to come home, she was already waiting when we came out. 

I took a pretty long nap, still trying to beat the headache.  Then I had a tantrum when I got up.  Hell with it, I'll eat some Chinese food.  When I get these headaches they don't abate until my period, which is due in 12 days.  12 days of crap suck headaches.  No thanks.  I might as well enjoy some Chow Fun .  Ron was delighted to make the call.  He ordered a lunch special. 

Ron had gone to the liquor store during my nap.  He apologized profusely when I woke up, because he "accidentally had 3 drinks" and I should this and that if he got out of line.  "Ron," I told him "If I intervene, in any way, you beat me up.  You're on your own.  The verbal abuse is bad enough." 

He was pretty stunned when I put it that way, and went off to bed after eating.  He hoped the large amount of Chinese food (spicy pork something) would counteract, or slow, the alcohol.  I hope so, too. 

At any rate, we have tomorrow off.  I am about tapped out on my pay, so I don't want to shop anywhere.  I don't particularly want any special outings until I get the headaches under control. 

Oh, I hate headaches.  But, as I remind myself, when I'm medicated, I'm the only one who suffers.  When I'm not medicated, everyone suffers, me, and all around me.  When I take my pills it's just me, sucking it up. 

And, any day, the side effects are better than the illness.  Even during a migraine.