Monday, January 5, 2015


Ugh.  Depression. 

Today wasn't too bad.  Due to the transportation dramas, I didn't have pastry, but everything else was awesome. 

Particularly my candy and granola bar selection.  I'm very glad I focused on them. 

This morning was pretty bad: no God Time, no shower.  Spray deodorant and a hairbrush in front of the sink. 

We went to work (good rides, nice drivers).  I stocked what I did have (I am pretty much out of everything), and helped Ron (He is pretty much out of everything). 

We got ahold of our repairman.  I texted him so I wouldn't wake up the kids.  If I'm going to text on a regular basis I am going to need a slider phone.  I have the old style flip, the one where I have to press a number repeatedly, or the arrow button to select the character. 

At any rate, I told him to call Ron (it was really early and I didn't want Ron calling, and waking up his kids).  He was fine with that.  They talked, he is coming out. 

Tomorrow, however, is Truck Day - I refer you back to the "no inventory" comments.  So Ron arranged the times so we get our inventory, go to work, stock, and meet the repairman without living at work. 

That's how it's supposed to work.  I imagine Ron will end up meeting the repairman at the door and getting "pushed" to our location, as I unload the truck!  I did ensure my carts are all empty. 

I have my back brace as well. 

Ron has always been very open about his former drug use.  He did various substances in the late 70's and early 80's, before he met me. 

We were talking about this one day, about 20 years ago.  "If I were to use something" I had no intention of course "What do you think I would use?" 

"Stimulants" he told me (actually, he said "uppers"), and my computer has just pulled up "Monkey" by George Michael. 

It's about addiction - getting the monkey off one's back. 

Anyway, I agree.  I would be at big risk if I got into stimulants, especially when depressed.  I already use caffeine.  I could really see trouble if I were manic. 

Ugh.  Not an illness for wimps. 

So, I let my aunt and uncle (local) and Mom and Dad know about everything.  I think it's important to keep them posted 1.  For support and 2. If I have to run out some night I want them to know the truth before Ron calls. 

My aunt and uncle do a lot for other family members, one lived with them for nearly 2 years "Getting back on her feet".  I would only "use" them as a last resort. 

We have about a million cheap motels.  I think I'll just find one and get the address, then if I have to run out one night - how SAD that I have to PLAN for this! - I can just go outside, call a cab, and go to the motel. 

I also need to put my medication into my backpack.  It's only good for me, doesn't get anyone high, so I doubt I would have problems.  But I DO NOT want to be somewhere without medication.  I have everything "centrally located" near my bed so I can just grab shoes, clothes (my jeans were in the wash during Ron's last blackout), cell phone, cell phone charger, work badge, ID, etc. 

Easy enough to grab a few changes of clothes out of my closet. 

By the way, I had a very creepy thing happen at work.  We have a set of 5 doors to enter the building.  3 are on a turnstile.  2 are standard doors, for large deliveries, vendors with hand carts, and blind men in wheelchairs.  :p   You have to have a special "permission" on your badge to open the standard door, without setting off the alarm. 

Anyway, as I was leaving to get my sandwiches today a woman ran up to the door as I approached, thinking I'd let her in.  "I can't help you" I told her.  "I'm just a vendor". 

"I know that" she snapped. 


"You've been here seventeen years" she said.  Wrong.  I have only been in the building since July 2001.

"I worked here for seventeen years" she snapped again.  "I know you".  Note the past tense. 

I made a joke about her having to see us so long, still not opening the door.  She shouted at me, I stepped back, and reached for my cell phone. She backed up and went over by the postal police door.  (I would have gone to them if needed)

As near as I can figure, she got fired and was very, very, pissed about it.  Can you imagine if I had let her in?  She would have gone to find her old supervisor, screaming at them, making a scene, God knows what - and it would have all come back on me. 

Then I'm gone.  Hell no.  No way. 

Once she backed off, I came out quickly, shut the door behind me (it will close on it's own, but not as fast), and got the delivery.  She was gone when I got back. 

Maybe she was hoping some dum-dum would let her back in the building. 

And these guys (I had this problem with a lot of contractors last year, they would helpfully "hold the door" for Ron and then try to force their way in behind us) get such an attitude when I say no, I won't let you in the building. 

I don't know you! 

It's my JOB! 

If you belonged here you would have a badge, and/or someone to let you in. 

I am not hanging myself for your convenience. 

No, I am not sorry about it, either. 

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