Tuesday, January 6, 2015

41 cases

"Look" I snapped "I got up on time, took a shower, dressed, and I'm ready to work.  Back off." 

Ron whined about my bad attitude.  "Well, I'm depressed.  Ever since I got up you've been a steady diet of negativity.  Cut it out." 

Ron mumbled he didn't know I was depressed.  I fought an extreme urge to beat my head into the wall and shout "If I'm not manic, I'm depressed!"  That, I'll chalk up to the head injury.  Some things like that I can tell him hundreds of times, and he still forgets. 

The conversation continued, ending on a dire threat.  "If you get on the negativity again..." I told him "I'm going to play Pharrell William's 'Happy' at you." 

"I hate that song!" 

"I know." 

Our pickup was very late. Short version: I think the day-hab/workshop (the clients and drivers refer to it as "going to work" but it is adult day care) clients, people actually working, people on "fun outings", and the dialysis patients, should each be on their own routes. 

It is very frustrating for us to have to wait on someone going to get her nails done, when we have an inbound delivery. 

Anyway, we finally got to the warehouse, very late.  They were down to their last 10 cases of water.  Yike.  I barely got the things Ron needed. 

I headed off to get my things.  I needed pastry, desperately.  Done.  I also needed chips, which I got. 

I checked out (41 cases), loading everything (my "boyfriend" the cart attendant did most of the work), went to work, unloaded (all me, baby!), got everything into the building (also all me), got Ron's drinks in the fridge, got Ron around the floor polish/waxing in progress, helped Ron, dealt with the repairman, and did my own work. 

We still need to go in tomorrow, but not for long.  We did about 95% but I hate to leave anything undone. 

I also need to empty the carts because Ron wants to do another Truck Day on Thursday.  Good thing I have my back brace. 

The repairman did fix everything.  

I bought a cheap fitness monitor on Amazon.  I am very curious to find out it's opinion of Truck Day, and my average everyday stocking.  I may be pretty surprised.  The rest of the time I am pretty sedentary, but then there's pushing Ron in the wheelchair, etc. 

I'm also happy the glucosamine is working.

See, back around 2000, I had a bad knee.  Left knee.  Wonky cartilage on the back of the kneecap.  I took glucosamine, worked on building up my quads, and made a drastic improvement.  It no longer bothers me.  I am careful of it, but it doesn't pain me in any way.

However, my right hip has been causing me some mild and persistent pain (Ron does not know this).  It is my intent to 1.  Become more active.  2.  Calorie-count and 3. Add supplements.

I consider my medication cocktail - everything I take for the "crazy" - all 8 pills a day, the "Dream Team".  The Dream Team works, boy does it ever.  However, it does come with side effects, like digestive difficulties, mainly nausea.

I took Glucosamine before I ever took the Dream Team.  I never had a problem with it, then.  The two have a lot of difficulty getting along.  I took two tablets one night and spent the whole night on the toilet, wracked with agonizing cramps.  Later on, I tried one tablet.  I sat on the toilet, wracked with squirts and agonizing cramps, for an hour.

I could really use some Glucosamine, it builds the damaged cartilage.  But I need the Dream Team.

I got out my pill cutter the other night.  I cut one tablet into four pieces, each approximately 187 mg.  That, I can handle.  It's a little unpleasant (I just got back from a trip down the hall), and I peed on my hand just now too (thanks to the Dream Team I'm really that dim sometimes), but I am digesting the glucosamine.

It may be wishful thinking, but I like to think my hip feels a little better too.  I want to get this now, while it's minor.  I don't want a severe problem.  

I have come to the conclusion that Ron's problem is just that, his.  I don't have to own it.  I don't have to take it on myself and torture myself with overeating and anxiety. 

Ron's problem is his. 

I will, in turn, address my problems to the best of my ability. 

I am not happy I missed my God Time 2 days this week.  I need to work on that.  I would also like to get in the fitness habit every morning. 

I would like to think I am always progressing - becoming the best person I can with God's help. 


Anonymous said...

Taking care of yourself is so important, which is one of the main messages you would hear in Al-Anon. The more you focus on what you need as a person, employee, or wife, the less you will be distracted from making sure your needs are met by someone else's alcoholism. You are Ron's wife, but first and foremost, you are yourself.

Completely separate from that, I do have to say, I'm really concerned that Ron will injure himself because of his drinking, won't be able to work for however long, and that this will significantly affect you and your needs.

I would love it if you could figure out what your options might be, should Ron become incapacitated. He is really putting himself at risk of major injuries, given that he's blind, drinks to the point of blacking out, and is in a wheelchair or using a walker. I mean, drinking heavily under those circumstances is completely crazy!

PLEASE review your options. You can't force him to stop drinking. But, you can still protect your interests should Ron no longer be able to work due to injury. And major injuries are the norm, not the exception, at Ron's stage of alcoholism. :(

Heather Knits said...

I don't really worry about employment. I could do a million things, food service, retail, home health, etc.

To quote Ron's supervisor "As long as you bring him in and prop him up somewhere" we can have the business. They actually had a vendor with dementia who kept his location. Basically, he doesn't have to be present, as long as we keep filing reports and mailing checks.

I agree Ron's going to hurt himself, badly, but that may be just what he needs. If he wakes up in post-op with pins in his arm, and a medical intervention and detox... maybe that would do it.

I don't want him to get hurt but I don't want to get hurt myself. I can't "help" him during blackouts. He beats me.

Anonymous said...

I thnk the next time my husband acts out I am going to quote you and say "I am going to play HAPPY AT you!" the At was the perfect touch…he needs to not die to live and right now he is killing himself. you need a good dose of alanon right now it would do you good Heather! OOOXXX

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