The Alternative

I got up early yesterday and hit the ground running.  I was exhausted. 

I found myself going to bed at 6 PM.  I was exhausted.  I needed to rest.  Why stay up?  I slept nearly 12 hours and still woke up tired. 

Welcome to bipolar.  I did some research.  1 in 4 of us, or at best, 1 in 5, don't make it out alive.  We lose more people than breast cancer (23%); but you don't see special ribbons and "Race for the meds".  We don't have a special awareness month or any of that. 

In fact, if we try to tell someone we have the disease, they can turn it around and use it against us as a weapon.  "Well, you're crazy".  I can see why many do not divulge their illness. 

I was sexually harrassed; the guy said "No one will believe you, you're crazy".  When I told someone (not my husband, who did believe me), he said "Are you taking your pills?  Maybe you misunderstood."  Meaning, don't bother me. 

I am sure if I were ever the victim of a crime, my illness would be used against me by the opposing attorney.  Something to consider. 

In my case, Ron and I had had a lot of very public drama.  People knew something was seriously wrong.  After my diagnosis I decided to share. 

I selected the biggest gossip in the plant.  I swore him to secrecy and "confided" I had bipolar disorder.  He nodded and swore it would remain a secret. 

As planned, the whole plant, all 900 some employees, knew by the end of the week. I figured if I asked someone to tell, they wouldn't, but if I made it a deep and confidential secret they would spread it like butter. 

A few years later, a postal worker came and asked me some questions about psychotic features.  I told her I had them, and they were not a big deal.  Just tell the doctor and he will add a new pill.  You'll be as good as new in no time.  She thanked me and left. 

I have always wanted to be the kind of person I needed after my diagnosis, a succesful, stable, informed mentor.  I hope I have been that person, both here and in person. 

Yes.  I have a lot of fatigue. 

Yes.  I have brain fog and memory issues. 

Yes, I gained weight. 

Yes.  I have a dry mouth and need to pee all the time. 

But, as Dad always said "It's better than the alternative".

23% dead from breast cancer.
25% dead from Bipolar. 
 
I bet you have a pink thing somewhere in your house, to support those poor victims.