I just don't get it

Sometimes I'll complain about the neighbor kids.  "That's what children do" my aunt will gently chide.  Another time, she told me a story about a neighbor who "Didn't understand little boys".  My aunt had 4. 

I always get the feeling she would like to tell me "You lack understanding because you are not a parent".  No, I'm not.  I don't want to be a parent, even by proxy. 

Do I hate kids?  No, but I lack the patience and understanding that only comes with parenthood.  I understand that, just as I understand I will never parent a child. 

So many times I hear "My life changed forever when they put the baby in my arms".  I bet it did, and I mean that in a positive way.  They experience and unfailing trust and love from their children, something I won't experience. 

Right now, I should add, the neighbor kids are quiet.  They wanted to play, I wanted a nap.  The kids won.  The neighbors do all the can to wear out the kids, away from or inside the home, so they don't run around wreaking havoc. 

To a parent, a child is a precious gift from God. 

To me, a child is a loud, semi-controlled variable.  One that can injure itself, my property, or my pets.  It keeps me up when I want to to sleep.  Not a very popular viewpoint.  They tend to make me anxious, at least at home. 

Ironically, I used to love kids.  Let's talk about loud.  I worked in a church nursery, wrangling a dozen toddlers every Sunday, with the help of one adult (I was a teenager).  I had a blast, and was actually asked to babysit (however Mom delicately got me out of that) on several occasions.  One little boy didn't want to leave, he was having so much fun.  Funny to think he's almost 30 now.

I made friends with a lot of the neighbor kids when we lived near work; I'd talk to them and show them how to garden.  I gave them flowers, candy, and treats. 

However, due to some conflicts (parents were neglecting toddlers and leaving them outside, unattended, in the street.  One of my drivers almost ran over a child) the kids were told to avoid me. They would come up to me while I ran and call me names. 

One strange little boy started screaming at me that Ron should be dead, why wasn't he dead.  I later concluded out his father was the witness we sought to Ron's accident.  That, I could understand.  They were afraid of getting sued and/or losing a job.   However letting your kid run around screaming "My Daddy saw your husband fall down and act like he was dead!  Why wasn't he dead?" is probably the very WORST way to keep a low profile. 

All I could see, my caring for my little friends had turned on me, horribly.  People were threatening to beat me up, calling me names, screaming at me, and trying to run me ove.  They killed my cat. 

I decided at some point, without even thinking it, that kids just weren't worth it.  They were dangerous little troublemakers - ones that just caused me grief. 

The renter's kids sure enforced that.  They had no sense of boundaries, always coming in my yard without permission.  They'd pull boards off the fence, and broke Ron's gate, climbing over it.  I'd catch them staring in my windows (yes, I had the blinds closed, and down).  They weren't even ashamed when I'd catch them.  I do suspect some of those "kids", now a lot older, may have played a role in the robbery. 

Now those kids are gone (praise God) the other ones stay out of my yard, but I still tense up when I hear children playing nearby.  I wonder if that will ever change. 

In the meantime - kids.  I just don't get it.