M., you have a beautiful spirit. (((Hugs))) Don't be afraid to share it.
Ron had a condition when it came to marriage. "Heather" he said "I'm 20 years older than you, I'm going to die first. I want you do make me a promise. Remarry."
What?
"I want you to remarry. I don't want you to spend the rest of your life alone." Newly in love, I didn't want to think about losing him, but there it was.
I agreed.
I almost did lose Ron, 10 years ago. I often wonder how my life would have changed if he had died.
For certain, everyone was blaming me. I would have been homeless (until my aunt took me in, which I'm sure she would have). I would have been unemployed, because I work for Ron.
I would have been crazy, because I didn't even know I was sick!
So, there I am unemployed, homeless, crazy, the villian in Ron's death. It's not surprising God sent him back! I probably would have killed myself!
Now, onto happier subjects.
"News Poisoning". Have you ever seen this, in people who faithfully watch the news? They hang onto every tale of woe for the entire program, then turn around and tell you "The city is terrible, we live in an awful neighborhood, the world is going to hell!"
From my own observations, the most faithful news-watchers are also the most negative personalities. I don't watch the news at all. I have enough trouble as it is.
I see the symptoms in people freaking out about North Korea right now. So, they want to kick America's butt. What can they do, really?
Their own missiles blow up on the launch pad. Their people are starving. Their leader is a delusional narcissist, just like his daddy. They torture, imprison, and execute Christians, which has got to put them on God's naughty list.
Ron talks about "probability estimating" - I'd say the odds of them attacking us in any kind of meaninful way, on US soil, is infestiminal - unless they had a biological agent. Even then, we have measures in place. I'm not losing a second to worry over them.
I, being naturally paranoid at heart, wonder what is going on behind the "North Korea Crisis" - what is happening that they don't want us to know about? That's what I'd worry about, if I worried.
But I don't worry, because I'm commanded, in the Bible, not to do so. Go to www.biblegateway.com. Type in the word "worry" into the search bar. Lots of very interesting results.
I also have a confidence a lot of people lack, because I know how God has sustained me. Take a look at a few things in my life.
What are the odds my workaholic father would leave the office, an hour before the spree killer showed up and killed 7 people in his building? What was Dad doing? Meeting with my doctor, because I had a depression. So, because I am crazy, my Dad lived. He has also done a lot of good with the time he's gotten, including ministering to homeless drug and alcohol addicts for decades.
What are the odds that, after Ron's accident, when I was completely broke and desperate, hiding it because I was afraid "they" would take Ron away, someone would send me an email? "Heather" he said "God has been letting me know you need help. I want to send you some money". I refused, the first time. The second time, right when we needed it, I got a 4-figure check that covered our expenses for months.
What are the odds that a living-single handyman would come to my church, bored out of his mind, and ask the pastor for a charity home improvement project to keep him busy (he was living in an apartment)? What are the odds he'd say this one week before my friend emailed the church, telling them about my disastrous bathroom? What are the odds he would take the job, and do it all for free? But he did, and I have a hotel-quality shower enclosure now.
These are just a few examples - God has always had my back. He always will. What can man do to me?
So, I don't worry. I try to focus on being a child who makes God proud, taking my thoughts captive, repenting when I sin, getting my God Time every day. Loving my husband, loving my family (including you), loving my customers, and drivers - shining God's light and love everywhere I go (I pray I do this).
I'm praying for you, daily. (((Hugs)))
1 comment:
I try not to discuss that topic with my DH anymore than necessary, because I can't bear the idea of being here without him. One thing I know for a fact, no ifs, ands, or buts-if it happens that I wind up here because he's gone first, that will be IT as far as another man in my life. Not because I hate marriage, not at all! But because I've loved my husband so much and he's been so much the perfect partner for me (not to say that he's perfect, just perfect for me), I can't even fathom anyone who's not him being my husband. I couldn't love anyone else so much, I couldn't even try. No one could ever take his place for me. If it works out that way, it'll be me and my dogs :)
I used to tell him that I hope I go before him, because I can't fathom life without him, but then I realised how selfish that was, especially as he's the last surviving member of his immediate family, and his circle of old friends who "knew him when" is getting smaller every year. He's stronger than me, but we both know the pain of losing loved ones, and I couldn't want that for him when I know he loves me.
He's 17 yrs older than me, but that's no guarantee of anything. I mean-God forbid-anything can happen.
The worst pain I've ever felt was losing a niece, a beautiful, gorgeous young woman, smart, funny, everyone loved her-and she accidentally OD'd on drugs. She was living with me at the time (I had no idea she had the drugs, my husband had taken her car keys away so she couldn't access any-she found a way), and I found her. I've lost other loved ones-my father, my husband's sister who was my best friend-but as much as those hurt, nothing can compare to unexpectedly finding a beautiful young woman in the prime of her life, with everything to live for, cold and blue and dead-because of stupid, evil drugs. Horrible pain mixed wth anger at the waste, and guilt that I hadn't been able to prevent it.
As you said, onto happier topics-news poisoning! That's the perfect way to describe it. I don't want to be an oblivious dumbbell, so I use the internet to keep up with current events. It's the best way to stay aware yet filter the garbage out.
I'm so glad that God has it all covered, and Christians needn't worry when we trust Him. No matter what happens, we have His promises, His Word is always faithful, and most of all, we have the Blessed Hope. How well that describes that event of mercy and love! He shows us in so many ways His love for us-by bearing our unspeakable sin on the Cross, to offer us a way to be reconciled to His holiness, and even by protecting us from the horror to come. And even that horror is Him reaching out one last time to get sinful man's attention.
Blessed Assurance and Blessed Hope.
Thanks Heather, you know what I mean, and back at ya in triplicate :) (((hugs)))
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