So one thing I worry about, living alone, is what if I die at the house? How long will it take them to find me?
I did tell my aunt to send the police for a welfare check if she doesn't hear from me, I wouldn't want her finding me. I don't talk about it but it was pretty awful being the one who found Ron, and he was fresh.
So yesterday I did the Handout and went to a taco truck, got takeout, and then got some groceries. When I got home I changed into sloppy clothes and ate. It was delicious.
Around bedtime I started experiencing some chest pain and discomfort. Being a stubborn ox I decided not to get checked out and was just living with it. I prayed about it and remembered a time a schoolmate had brought me tamales in high school. They were delicious but I had chest pain and discomfort later that night, Mom said it was gas and gave me Maalox, I never ate tamales again.
I thought, maybe it's gas? So I took a couple gas pills. I try to have a well stocked medicine cabinet. Within 10 minutes it was all gone. I felt pretty silly but THANK GOD I did not call 911 or go to urgent care.
I didn't sleep well but I haven't, in a while. I woke up around 5 and decided not to go to church as it is a 5 hour round trip and I have a lot of things to do around the house today (laundry, cleaning, etc) I have hard floors and they get gritty so I need to sweep and ideally mop as well. Plus 3 loads of laundry, etc.
The Bible room was a mess so I worked on that for a while too. I like to have things by category, booklets, tracts, whole Bibles, New Testaments, etc. I also have a lot of empty Bible boxes I was "saving" "Because they are good boxes (they are) and I might need them". In my defense I recently did use an empty Bible box to organize a kitchen cabinet.
Since they are good boxes I have decided I am going to black out all the addresses (I got my house robbed once, failing to do that) and put them out at the curb once it stops raining this week. Someone will take them.
I am trying to focus on doing a lot of Handouts right now while the weather's more mild. Once it gets really hot I am more restricted in what I can do. I don't have a partner to sit with the stuff while I run to the bathroom.
For whatever reason God wants me solo on the Bible Handouts right now. At least solo on the corner, I have prayer partners, sponsors, etc... I don't do this alone but I am out there solo. That's one place I miss Ron it was fun to go with him and get a meal afterward.
That's it for now; I'll post more later.
4 comments:
You call your parents every night. Surely if you missed checking in they would call the police for a wellness check after 24 hours.
As for Ron don't romanticize all those meals out with him. Many resulted in you being verbally abused by him at the restaurant.
True, dat. (Ron comment)
The more I think about my marriage and the state of things today "I like you, let's screw" the less I want a relationship. Mr Kitty Cat is just fine for me.
My parents would probably call my aunt (I text her pretty much every day) who would contact the police. Also work has my aunt as the emergency contact, and the police have her cell as mine on my ID card.
When Ron died they didn't ask me to formally identify him they ran his prints at the morgue. I found that interesting.
Why do you blog?
Well I have always kept a journal of some sort; to process my thoughts/feelings. Advantage with a blog I occasionally get constructive feedback.
Interestingly enough my family wouldn't read it because they didn't like the accounts of how Ron treated me; if my parents read what was going on ongoing they would have had to do something.
My parents were told I would not be able to live on my own, Ron took me off their hands and I suspect they did not want me back. They could tell themselves I was "happy" as long as they weren't reading accounts of abusive, drunken, blackouts, and him keeping me up all night screaming invective.
Also now I am glad I have an account because I can look back and say, yeah, that was really bad, even after my attempts to polish it up.
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