Saturday, January 30, 2021

Well, I had a miserable night.

 Too much caffeine!  I was miserable!  I did manage to drop off a few times.  Ron heard me flush the toilet at one point and asked for food so I gave him some roast chicken.  

I got up at 4:30 and gave Ron his pills and part of a nutrigrain bar.  He was happy with that and went back to bed.  I figured, at that point, I probably had as much energy as I would, for the day, so I took a shower.  I stayed up for a while and then went back to bed around 7.  

He has slept on and off through the day.  I slept about 3 hours and got up again, had a snack (protein) and some decaf coffee.  I am fairly depressed so I am trying to occupy myself.  I don't want to watch SVU all day that is super depressing.   

I found "Undercover Boss" that will work.  

The good news I counted what I took out of the bill changer yesterday (and a couple of other machines) and it is a tidy sum for my pay, about half what I am used to but these days I will accept what I get.  

So what am I doing for the depression?  Took my pills of course.  Had a protein snack. Listening to praise music.  Found another program on TV as the next Undercover boss was about a guy running a T&A bar.  Not interested in that I feel those places are degrading to women.  

I remember Ron and I went to one place the women were barely dressed, mostly men in the restaurant.  I felt so bad for the servers.  She really liked Ron because he wasn't objectifying her.  It was awful and overpriced.  Ron wanted to take Chuck just to see him go buggo for the women but I wouldn't let Ron make the call.  I pointed out - quite accurately, we didn't have the budget to go there and buying Chuck a meal + gas money (what Ron used to do for him) would punch a big hole in our budget.  And, I added, it wasn't fair to the servers to bring a predator.  

Enough about Chuck talking about him makes me more depressed because he just saw us as a big fat wallet.  A big, fat, STUPID wallet.  The minute we found someone else to take us to Sam's he stopped calling.  

I did call him once when Jack's truck was out of order, Chuck understood we would be taking 10 cases of water to work.  He had large boxes of crap in his trunk area when he came to pick me up and had a massive attitude about moving them.  You KNOW what we're doing and that I will need space.  You agreed to transport 10 cases of water, you know how big they are.  It was a very passive aggressive thing to do and that did it for me.  

Ron, it took one more outing where Chuck spoke graphically of his latest "sugar baby" and her attributes.  How he was degrading her and how she felt she had to allow it because she had very high electric bills and her 3 adult kids living with her weren't helping out.  So she was selling herself, cheap, rather than ask them for help.... it was awful.  

Done with that.  No regrets.  The nice thing about Jack he is a nice family man with a grandson.  His daughter was looking at his phone one day and saw some calls from me, "told" her mother, who said "I've got nothing to worry about from Heather" (she met me, the whole time I talked about Ron, realized I am harmless). I saw that as a high compliment. And she is completely right.  

For one, he has a pitbull that likes to kill cats.  😬  A couple, idiot, stray cats got into his backyard when the dog was out, it wasn't pretty.  I don't blame the dog it's just some dogs' nature.  But that's a deal breaker!  

Although I think Baby Girl could take her.  Won't find out.  

So I will have some money that is nice.  

That is on top of being able to buy our prescriptions.  I even paid my credit card $40 ($100 owed) early so happy about that.  

Finances are actually OK right now that's not depressing me.  It's just my brain.  It will pass.  

I am actually glad I'm bipolar because I at least get the manias.  But I think how it gets now on all this medication, and how very bad it was before.  I am amazed even God was able to pull me through it.  

So I at least had my protein but I still have to figure out dinner.  I did clean all the litter boxes Biscuit is urinating normally which is great.  He uses one box only and none of the other cats will use it, so I can monitor his outputs.  I will figure that out. 

I don't have to do the accounting report until Monday so I have tomorrow off.  

That's it for now. 


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