Saturday noon

 So in my last post I offered to share an incident.  

Before I say anything more Ron has given me permission to share it and thinks it is funny.  OK.  

So Ron was in the hospital after his accident.  He had his breastbone split open for open heart surgery, broken ribs and chest tubes, lower right leg broken into 3 pieces and required surgical hardware, "non weight bearing".  Partly paralyzed on the right side anyway... so pretty much a hot mess.  

At first he was in a coma and the nurses took care of his needs.  He came around eventually and I helped the nurses with his needs - I wasn't going to let him lie there like that if I could help and he was considered a 2 person job.  So I would roll him, etc for the nurses and help with the cleanup.  But that upset him as he became more alert.  

They gave him a bed pan and said "use that, maybe we will get you a toilet chair one day but we'll have to see."  He was OK with that for a while but became more persistent in wanting to use the toilet.  He would protest bitterly when given the bedpan.  

I would position him on the bed pan and leave the room, go back in and do the cleanup.  I would tell the nurse so they could make a note in his file that he went.  

So I was out at the nurse's station this time, I went back in and Ron shouted at me he wasn't done yet, I went back out, waited 5 minutes, went back in (the hospital room had a very thick wooden door and I would not have heard him call).  I went back in and he was smirking.  The bedpan was off to the side, empty.  

"Did you go?"  

"Yes."  

"Where is the turd, Ron?  If you went, that is."  

Another smirk "I threw it".  

What?  Then I got a look at his hands.  Oh, my.  Now I had to find it.  I hunted high and low and had ALMOST sat down in the visitor chair when I saw it, formed into a careful sphere in the chair.  I got rid of that but we had a mess.  

So I went out to the nurses station again and told them.  They reacted with intense shock and horror.  One poor soul showed up in the room in full hazmat gear.  

They sent housekeeping who came with a bucket of sanitizer.  I told her I would be happy to clean up if I could just get the bucket and some rags.  "You clean?"  She couldn't wait to get out of there.  So I cleaned it up it wasn't bad mainly the chair.  

There was a lot of confusion.  Had thrown it or was throwing it?  Big difference.  I had to explain he had, but was not currently, flinging feces and found myself in the position of defender.  

I asked Ron why he had done it, he explained, again and again, to anyone who would listen (including some sort of psych expert who was called in) that he just wanted a toilet.  They provided one within a few hours and he never did it again.  

After we went home Ron's Dad gave us an old toilet chair that had belonged to a deceased family member.  They already had one of their own.  Ron used it for a few weeks but the other kids put the screws to Ron's parents and made him repossess the toilet chair.  I couldn't believe it.  And he couldn't even come up with a convincing lie.  So Ron had to go back on the bedpan until I could get a new one delivered (about a week).  He was so mopey.  But he didn't throw anything.  It was so awful Ron asking why his Dad had taken his toilet I really wanted to put him on the phone to them.  

Who does that?!

My inlaws.  That's why I don't ask for help. Well, I just did from the caregiver group: the shampoo your hair in bed thing.  We have been talking about getting one.  I love those guys.  

He is still pretty queasy but is sleeping.  I gave him a puke bucket.  He seems a little better.  He did get his pills down this morning so I have high hopes for the evening.  

I have a surprising amount of energy I am waiting for my hair to dry before I take a nap.  I hate sleeping with wet hair.  I did run a load of clothes.  

Ron is spoiled, I guess (I don't mind).  He uses the plastic 1 quart containers with screw on lids for urinals.  I dump them, wash them out, and, at his request, dry them with a soft rag before returning them.  That was the water doesn't run back on him when he is using it.  So I had some rags to wash along with my nightgown, etc.  

I am going to take a nap in a little while, let's hope it's a good one.