A lot of my online friends are very upset about politics and have a lot to say. I am not upset, and don't really have anything to say.
1. Everything is happening the way God set it up.
2. Things are monitored.
I know, laugh at me and call me paranoid, after all I do take an antipsychotic. But I have no desire to blabber anyway. I keep my political opinions to myself.
It's pretty hard to stay upset when I have a cute spotted kitty under my chair, anyway. Baby Girl is lying under my chair, on her side, with her front legs extending outward, a position of perfect comfort and trust.
Her love language is sleeping under my chair while I'm on the computer. Torbie's a little more paws-on, getting on my chest and purring at me. Needless to say my allergies have been a little more aggressive of late.
That's how I got the day off, apparently. I woke up coughing pretty bad, and Ron freaked out. He cancelled the trips for today. I think he might have been looking for a reason to do it anyway.
I was given this computer about a year ago, after my house was robbed and my computer, stolen. It had some music already on board.
I hope she doesn't read this. Most of it was folky alt-pop. I got rid of it. Some of it just wasn't to my taste, some I love, and some I need to delete. I hate it when the song comes up on my playlist. The only thing I hate more is when I'm sitting on the computer and I realize I'm listening to a song I hate, because I wasn't paying attention. That's not my idea of a good time. Everyone's different. I'm sure if she went through my music she'd delete a lot of it, too.
I did ask before I did anything, an she'd backed it up.
I do love my Torbie cat, but, like all relationships, it involves some compromise. I trade freedom of movement in bed for the company of a cat. I need to put up my afghans. I knit and crocheted 2 afghans. I spent hours and hours working on them. Torbie gets her claws snagged and pulls threads out - she's going to wreck them both if I don't save them. I also need to mend the one with the worst damage before it starts unraveling. The things we do for love.
Is it "Important" for me to have the 2 afghans in daily use? Heck, no. Most nights it's too warm for them, anyway. I'm kind of a rat anyway, nesting in many layers. I have, at present, 2 cotton bedspreads, a cotton blanket (a little worse for wear, it's petty old), 4 pillows, and two fleece blankets. I don't need much more. If I did I have a wool blanket I use for really cold days on paratransit. More than that, I probably have much worse problems.
Ron has an afghan, a quilt, a fleece blanket, and a feather comforter, but he never uses them together. He's discovered his Baby Girl won't climb in his lap if he's under a cover, so he sleeps in his clothes on top of the sheet, no cover. It works for him. She climbs up and sleeps against his left knee, or spoons behind him as he's on his side. It's adorable.
Since we spend virtually every waking moment together, we have our own "retreats". That's good. Baby Girl "has" Ron's bed, and Torbie has mine.
When I took my nap, Torbie got up on me, purring. Oh, I got so itchy. It's ironic, she was given up for allergies. I've had a mild cat allergy for a while now.
I just take a lot of Vitamin C and the occasional Benadryl (one of the few OTC medications that does not freak me out). I can't take the other allergy things, they make me manic.
Ron's remarking on a huge change. He's always been a radio listener. KYOK, 1590, the "Black" radio station, has now become a Disney station. "It went from super Black to super White" A little research shows the call sign moved, and was assigned to an "Urban Contemporary Gospel" station at 1140. Ron will be interested to hear that.
But the old 1590 remains "Disney". Huh.
That is a lot more meaningful for Ron, than me. Ron lived in the same small house his whole life, moving out when he turned 18. I remember his shock when we revisted various landmarks he'd known, realizing they were gone or completely changed.
I moved when I was 10, breaking a lot of ties. Then I moved to another church, breaking ties of friendship, some I'd known for several years - when I was 17. It triggered a catastrophic depression. Up to that point, I'd only had one suicidal depression. I used to wash the dishes at night, looking at the knives. But, at the end of it, I didn't want to hurt my Dad and he would have been deeply wounded.
Oh, God, I hate depression. No, I'm not suicidal. I did pretty well today; got up, shower, God time. Watched a little TV and even fixed Ron a massive amount of rice dressing. A 2 pound tub of chopped and seasoned meat is cooked and combined with rice. Ron likes a lot of rice and I ended up adding about 5 cups cooked rice (did that last night) to the mix. He ate two bowls and licked out the (cool) pot. Ron's happy. The cats seem OK, but I need to clean the boxes. I'll do that.
I'm functional; kind of the end goal here for those of us with "mood disorders". But I hurt, and it sucks, and Ron hates watching me hurt. My family hates it too. I hate to do my "weekly phone call"
Do you do that now that you're an adult? "The Weekly Phone Call" - it makes them happy. They'd never hear from me when I was depressed, and hear too much when I was manic, otherwise.
Anyway, I hate to do the call when I'm down because they can tell, there's nothing they can do, and it sucks. I think I mentioned that a few times already.
So, what do I do? I try to stay busy. I practice my faith, which is an ongoing work in progress (I think I am too easily distracted when I pray). I do nice things for people who care about me. I think Ron would marry me all over again. I made him a gumbo AND a rice dressing in one week. He's good about doing the dishes.
I also try to do things like listen to music I love, and watch cute kitten and Mom videos. I love to watch those. If things were different (and my cats more generous) I'd love to foster some.
Of course, if I watch cat videos the girls get pretty agitated. I end up having to turn it off.
I need to get some headphones.
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