A rough day: or leaving a bunch of stuff up to God.

I need to vent, but I'll try to do it without being toxic. 

1.  I had a horrible nightmare.  I had gone "fishing" and caught some clams, a fish, and 2 snakes.  One of the snakes, the green one, kept trying to get out of my bag.  I had to ride public transit and I had to keep shoving the snake into the bag.  I knew I'd have to eat the "catch", all of it, but didn't know how to dress out a snake.  That was a concern.  It got wierder, me walking around my hometown looking for my old house, holding the bag  with the "catch" and the snake still trying to get out.  I didn't want to eat the snake, or even the fish.  I found it revolting.  UGH. 

So, I started off on that note. 

I read a great book about 20 years ago "Contact, the first 4 minutes".   The book explained that the first 4 minutes of contact with someone will set their opinion of you and the mood for the day.  If I go wake up Ron ranting about noisy neighbors, we're going to have a negative tone for the whole day.  So, I waited about half an hour after we woke up before I mentioned it in passing. 

On a positive note, I did hear something snoring in my room.  Torbie hadn't slept with me, but I could hear her snoring even over the noisemaker.  She was asleep in my sock drawer, left open, near the head of my bed.  She also came to visit during my God Time. 

I had a good shower and breakfast.  I knew today would be a long one.  We had to move a vending machine, and we were meeting with one of "the bosses". 

Watching the weather, I realized it would be cold and nasty, as well, so I wore my long underwear.  Sometimes the top "pulls up" when I'm working so I layered an oversized black t-shirt on top. 

2.  Our ride to the wholesale club.  The driver was listening to music on earbuds, banging the top of her "trip computer" (shows the assignments, and "lets" you perform them as you do them, also gets messages from headquarters, and GPS).  She was hammering the top with the side of her fist.  The headphones are a huge no-no, too.  She was late, messing up our next trip.  Then she went to the wrong address to pick up a client and banged on the door like the police, waking the homeowner up.  The homeowner was not happy.  The driver went "Woops!  Sah-ree!" then came back on the van laughing.  I was pretty pissed.  Then, 5 more minutes wasted, she finally went to the correct address (they were all clearly marked) and got the other client. 

On the plus side, she wasn't one of those "lurchy" drivers who alternate jamming on the gas and brake.  She wasn't a control freak.  She just wasn't efficient or professional.  We did make it to the wholesale club alive and intact. 

I ran in and got the soda Ron wanted, then came out to see our next ride waiting.  I got Ron and the drinks loaded, and we went to work. 

As we went into our area, we discovered:
3.  Four of our vending machines were dead.  The contractors were messing with the electrical, again.  That's our money, people.  We need electricity for the machines to work, so we can pay our bills.  The timeclock was dead, too, so I figured that would give it a little more priority.  It took hours to get it fixed and then it went down again right before we left. 

4.  Ron just walked by, reminding me.  He just had the ugliest, most defeated and self-pitying attitude.  Very confrontational, too.  I had to ride herd on him during our visit with the supervisor as she looked at me sympathetically.  "What am I getting out of the business?" stuff like that.  "No one's helping me, why should I try to make them happy?"  Two things he just said.  Words have power.  If you see yourself as a victim - you are.  If you approach people with negative, hostile, energy, even if you don't say anything, they're not going to help you.  They're going to put that negativity right back at you. 

The whole "I don't let anyone boss me around" is a myth.  If a policeman shows up with a search warrant you have to let him ransack your house.  If you get pulled over they can take your blood and search your car.  If the manager says jump, and you don't, you're getting fired.  It's reckless and foolish to have that "No one tells me what to do" attitude. 

That said, that's all I believe.  One of my internet friends was "declaring victory over the illness in Jesus name!  It is finished, let the healing begin" and the guy died that night.  God isn't manipulated.  When I ask God for something (Like please Lord help Ron to get his head out of his... if it's Your will, in Jesus name".  That's all I ask, if it is God's will. 

I guess I'm saying I don't boss God around; and I pity those who do.  God doesn't operate that way.  I am asking Him to help Ron with his attitude.  When he gets like this he is very reckless "I don't care if I piss off Mr Big... I don't want to and they can't make me....".  I put my head in my hands, begging God for whatever it is I need right now. 

5.  Then I was corralled by a middle-manager and told a bunch of supposition regarding our vending machines.  "He doesn't know anything" Mr Big told Ron "Ignore him." 

I did hear the other vendors are losing several machines.  They have several breakroom areas and the biggest one is on the chopping block.  They have to get rid of the machines.  They have the other breakrooms very tightly crowded; I think they'll have to send the machines back to Austin.  I think about how they have been so ugly to us and I'm trying really hard..

Proverbs 24:17-18

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁷ Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,
And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;
¹⁸ Lest the Lord see it, and it displease Him,
And He turn away His wrath from him.

 

So, I can't gloat.  Even though it's sooo TEMPTING.  They put money above all.  Things like that - gloating over someone's trouble, tend to come back and bite me.  I will ask God to help me with that.

 

6.  Then the power went out again.  [scream]  It was still off when we left.  Did I mention a dead vending machine can't make ANY MONEY?   I have to leave that one up to God.   

 

7.  Ron got a little "cowboy" during the meeting with our supervisor.  I had to tell her "We don't want to cause trouble.  We want to do what's fair." stuff like that and she was nodding at me.  Ron finally shut up.   I think she has a fair understanding of the head injury and what that entails.  It's exhausting for me: I'm not responsible for his behavior, yet I am.  Agh.  Leaving that one up to God. 

 

8.  More toxic pity party from Ron while we waited on our ride. 

 

Finally home.  We have to work tomorrow.  I talked him into that because Mr Big wants the soda machine moved, and the movers can come tomorrow. 

 

I remember reading or seeing something, and someone was told "He will never agree to it unless his wife asks him to do it.  You need to go through her." 

 

Yeah.  A lot like my life. 

 

I'm not whining.  I'm very grateful for my warm house, 2 cats, job (even with all the drama), my friends, etc.  I am just beat! 

 

God can carry all this.  He is welcome to it.