My decision

Sounds ominous, huh? Well, it isn't.

I had a good time after I logged off. I threw the sheets in the wash. I decided to take a nice hot bath with my Lander rose bubble bath. I dug up 2 relevant books: Boundaries in Marriage and How to Act Right when Your Spouse acts wrong. Both are EXCELLENT books that I could stand to read more often, although I have to admit I'm partial to "How to act right".

One relevant chapter heading (as I ate my sugarfree pudding and drank my Diet Rite in the tub) "Don't react, respond". Very good advice.

Ron's biggest gripe (other than "You don't contribute to the income" - HA! and "Your pills are expensive" - The most expensive one goes generic in December) is the housekeeping. He kept saying it over and over in so many ways, but when I asked him he denied it. He equates a "clean" house with love. When we're not fighting, he'll talk about how his mother kept an immaculate house and how much he admired her.

Why can't I be like "normal" women, who are good housekeepers? My reaction: Why did you marry me? I'm the LAST person he should have married if it's that important to him.

It went like this, if I loved him I'd keep a "clean" house. I don't, so I don't. He doesn't love me either. Why did he marry me? I'm a burden, etc. I won't elaborate. It wasn't nice. We're stuck together, says he. He hates God because God stuck us together. If he could leave me he would.

I read a great line in "How". "It feels good to express negative emotions, just like vomiting. But don't vomit all over your spouse on a regular basis." That's exactly how I feel, like my 5-gallon barf bucket. Anyway, I told him, you have choices, you're not STUCK with me. You can leave. Or I can. We're not chained together. (He had the martyr/victim thing going)

At first he said anyone would be better than me, at the end it was I'm really a wonderful person, except for being nuts, "broken-brained" and a bad housekeeper. Oh, and I'm repulsive because of my weight. I disgust him. Huh. I'm in the low women's sizes, and my pants are getting loose.

So I guess if I love him I have a size 8 figure and an immaculate house, and I've undergone a personality transplant, I'm a sparkling entertainer with lots of freinds, who loves to have them over.

WHAT?

MAN did he marry the wrong woman. It makes me wonder about the severity of the brain damage he suffered. I ASKED him before we married to really think about these issues.

So. I decided. The "Working on the yard every Monday afternoon" worked out pretty well. We were both happy with it. So, I'll do "Pickup around the house for half an hour once a week" and if he isn't ugly, more often. Apparently certain things, like a counter, just eat away at him like acid until he "Can't take it anymore". That's not condoning his behavior. I'll tell him, this is in spite of your actions yesterday, I will make this offer.

It's my opinion that the worst thing I could ever do would be to reward him for ugly and hateful behavior. Where's the motivation to improve HIS attitude?

Just because he acted hateful doesn't mean I have respond in a hateful manner. I'll make the offer, we'll see what happens. I'm no doormat, I will make sure he respects me and my boundaries. ACK! It's a lot of work.

He'll do something I like eventually, I'll try Dale Carnagie and thank him for being so ___ every time he does something I like. That does work. "Give them a good reputation to live up to" is another one.