I will get to the title later on.
I took Ron to the doctor for the blood tests. He couldn't wait on the urine sample so they said I could use a clean container and bring it. I found something in the kitchen that worked.
He got his blood tests; we came home. He went to bed. I went to Walmart and ran my errands.
I went to the bank. I got cat food. I got groceries, I went to the pharmacy twice. Once for me, once for Ron (they had some questions I had to answer before they would fill the prescription). I looked at the yarn department, it looks horrible.
At the end of it all I bought all my stuff, got a nice plastic trunk in purple I can put at the foot of my bed, got 3 months of mine and 1 month of his prescriptions, made my deposit, turned on my ATM card, hired my Uber. I had a little wait on the Uber but not bad considering. I had a good ride home as I specifically requested a larger ride.
Everyone at the store was spending their stimulus money on flat screen TV's, it seemed.
I came home and put everything away, took my pills, fed Ron a hamburger and read the insert on his meds, gave him his first dose, and checked the mail.
I had 3 letters in the mail, two addressed to Ron, one certified. I had a letter addressed to me, as well. I opened it. "received a report of abuse, neglect, or exploitation, in which you were named a victim". What? I opened Ron's, same thing.
So apparently we are both victims. Had it only been Ron getting a letter I might have assumed the hospital made a report for some reason, but the fact we were both named as "victims" leads me to believe it was a reader.
And I have one simple question: Did I ask for help? Because I didn't, and now I have to deal with this, we both do. It is NOT going to "get us the help we need" if anything it is going to put our backs up about asking for ANY help and I am really close to shutting the blog down altogether.
I am Not Happy. I hope whoever it is, and there was one voice in the comments I am pretty sure did this, thinking they knew better than everyone else and I HAD to do "this or that and 'get help'" or else?
Really? You're going to make me, what?
Overall, I am happy. Overall, Ron is happy. It is not your place to make those kind of judgement calls off what you read on the internet.
I don't have to conform to your mold. I don't have to get people in here "to help" if I don't want them, and we don't. The last time I had people in here they robbed me blind, pun intended.
So you might want to think about your actions. Back off, if you like reading about my life, because I WILL END this blog in a second.
Edit to add: his name is not Ronald Jerome. That man is the child molester and lives in Louisiana. So now I have to sort that out, too.
33 comments:
I wouldn’t assume so quickly that it was a reader. Maybe it was the construction guy- Carlos? Or the man that witnessed Ron trying to offer you up for sex services for a lower price. Anyone you come in contact with could have reported it.
Wow, that's crazy. I hate to be an I told you so but I did tell you a few years ago not to post your last name on your blog and you declined to remove it then. So that is the reason this person was able to make that complaint (is that the right word?). They probably looked you up on Google and found your address that way. It is not that hard to do. I am surprised to hear you say you are happy with your living situation when your blog posts about ron and his treatment of you clearly point to that being the opposite of happy. Maybe use it as an opportunity for change for both you and him instead of looking at it as a bad thing. And it is ironic that a complete stranger did this when your family members have turned a blind eye to your situation.
OMG Heather, I may not agree with some of the things you say and do but I would never report you. Are the letters from the county? What exactly do they say, like how are you both victims? What happens now?
I thought Ron was getting an EEG today, you didn't mention blood work unless I missed that.
What's getting me as we were both reported as victims. So based on that I think it was a blog reader.
The plumber thought Ron offering me up was "funny". Carlos never went in Ron's room except to look at the wall one time.
It is possible it might have stemmed from the phone call to the police back in January when he didn't behave but I am more inclined to think it is a reader because there have been a couple very aggressive ones saying I "had" to do this or that.
I wouldn't have been able to post Youtube videos as they have my full name on it.
If I wanted to change things, truly, I would. I could call the women's center, I could call MHMRA. I could talk to my family, my aunt once said she would help me get an apartment if I wanted out. But to just say I am a victim of all this without even talking to me, saying "Heather I am worried about you". I could understand saying Ron is a victim in this - but me? But I have a letter with my name on it and the word "victim".
It could even be my half sister meddling I could see her doing something like this out of spite since I cut her out of my life (she knew about the blog). But if it is a reader be aware there is a one click setting that turns the blog to private and none reads but me.
What about someone at work, you said they laughed at Ron being slumped in his chair. What about one of the drivers. Wow when you think about it it could be anyone.
People have told you they were worried about you Heather. Many, many times. Many have expressed concerns for you and for ron. All of which have gone unaddressed or ignored. Sure you have told your readers you were getting out and away from ron but that never happens. In any case I doubt it was your crazy sister. I think it was a reader too and really I think they did you a favor. Maybe this will be the wake up call for ron to stop drinking. I guess if you make the blog private you wouldn't have to read it because you would be the one writing it and would already know what it says.
"If I wanted to change things, truly, I would." So ALL your complaining is just complaining and you really don't want things to change. Got it.
Could it be the person that was asking questions about the name of the vending company and if you knew someone with a name they gave? Do you know how long it takes from the time there is a complaint until they contact you?
I thought it was EEG but turns out just blood and urine.
What I don't get is reporting me as a victim as well. How do I say this? Only readers think I am a victim everyone is either telling me to butch up - well, everyone in my "real" life says that pretty much, not one of them sees me as a victim except maybe my sister.
I will say if a report had to be made glad AFTER I fixed up the house and purged all the crap. I won't need to do much cleaning if she has to visit. If she does, I hope she likes cats.
Letter to both of us was a form letter, addressed to each: Adult Protective Services serves...has received a report of abuse, neglect, or exploitation, in which you were the alleged victim...mandates we investigate...over 64 or disabled. If we determine that a person is in a state...provide services or set up services with another agency with the aim of resolving...making the person safe.
Who sees me as a victim? I can only guess maybe the police back in January? I was pretty upset talking about Ron drinking but I never told them I was disabled. Basically only you guys know/care about that. Everyone else just sees me as Ron's wife and caregiver, the rock on which he stands... blah blah.
I have moved on to just mostly BAFFLED here. The social worker's mailbox is full so I will try calling her after work tomorrow.
1. I am not a victim.
2. Ron is not Jerome.
3. Give phone to Ron, he says he is not a victim.
4. Whatever is next.
I know she can't tell me who reported but maybe I can get a hint. Ron wasn't 100% fresh when I sent him to the hospital so I could see if they did it, if it was just for him - someone at work, a driver who thought he had BO - I could see all that *for him*. But me I just keep scratching my head.
Things aren't "right" at home sometimes, I admit that, but this just has me baffled. My aunt is going to FREAK when she hears about this.
You didn't get robbed blind, some religious stuff and a couple of pieces of costume jewelry.
This is my first go round with APS so I don't know how long it takes, if it is not urgent I could see it taking a while, and no one is getting beat on - it is an occasionally verbally abusive blind alcoholic and his caregiver, a bipolar. No one is getting deprived of medication or anything I can show that to her easy...happy to. Plenty of food to eat snacks he can reach if he wants although he normally wakes me up. I guess I need to set up his fridge again. Cut out the nasty part of the carpet. I have the estimate from Carlos on the repairs to his room but nothing untenable in there... just some clutter which I can work on if he'll "let" me. The house is reasonably clean and uncluttered. Ron can use the bathroom, kitchen, etc. Access everywhere. Lots of clean clothes for both of us, a blanket for him, healthy pets. I have a whole bucket of supplies for his bed bath and even detangling spray for his hair.
I am sure she could find a problem if she *wants* to but overall I think it is a fine situation for both of us. It is brand new most of it thanks to the repairs. Even the garage isn't bad.
We are a lot better off than many in Houston. But we will have to "show" her all that and that is embarrassing and sad.
I really hope she likes cats if she has to do a home visit.
About a thousand dollars in jewelry, several cases of canned food, and about 12 cases of Bibles. Not inconsiderable.
But one thing I bought today is a big footlocker I can put at the foot of my bed and padlock. I can put the checkbooks, ID paperwork, etc. in there if I do end up going with home care aides. Of course I had no idea what was waiting in the mailbox when I bought it, but I do have that option, and if they take the whole locker I will know immediately.
I am "allowed" to complain, and you have a choice whether you read it or not. People choose to come here, I try to respect that. Some of them respect me in return, some do not.
I’m going to guess it was the police back in January.
Or maybe Ron ran his mouth (like he did right in front of you when the police came) when he was in the ER? I worried about that when you told us he went to the ER.
You can’t possibly say you’re happy with Ron and everything’s just peachy. Maybe right in the second you wrote that. But go read the last years worth of blog posts to refresh your memory. Or maybe just the last 6 months.
If thousands were stolen please call and report it to the storage company
Regardless of whoever it was who reported this to APS, they did it out of concern for you both, since they listed you both as VICTIMS.
Ron said, about the hospital "I told them about us". I don't know if he mentioned I was disabled. IF he did I could see the hospital making a report because, like I said, he wasn't fresh. Not awful but not great either, and sweating after the seizure didn't help much.
I an racking my brain but I don't think I told the police I am bipolar or disabled in any way, and whoever made the report knew I was disabled - otherwise they wouldn't care about me. Which makes me to go: reader. But considering how I reacted I doubt anyone is going to claim it if they did.
At least the caseworker can settle two cases at once, I know social workers have a horrible time, very high burnout, etc. I feel bad for her, even her mail box is full.
An interesting note just for the record: the prostate pills knock Ron out, he has a terrible time sleeping at night but is snoring away. This is a great side effect and worth the $70 a month just for that.
Oh, I guess I need to hide all the bottles if she comes to visit? LOL I can only imagine the phone call she got if it was a reader. [snort]
I have been telling you to get help, for yourself and Ron, for months. Repeatedly. Because I didn't want this to happen to you and Ron. I didn't report you.
My guess is that this is from the emergency room trip. If they had any concerns based on what they saw or heard, they had no other choice. What would usually be a discussion with a hospital social worker in person becomes an APS report because family is not allowed to go with the patient to the hospital.
Being listed as a victim is way better than being listed as a perpetrator.
I agree it's a lot better to be a victim.
Ron needs to tell her: I am happy like this, I don't like bathing, I want to live with Heather and my cats.
I need to let them know he is not whaling on me and I have options. Overall I do want to live with him. There are times I do not but that is everyone, I think.
I just need to figure out the angle on how they think I am being abused. That will tell me a lot about the reporting party.
So your going to hide all the vodka bottles. Lol. Nope there is no problem there. And if itcwas a reader guaranteed they gave them this blog address so they probably read it all.
I don't think this is from the hospital because he only went in a few days ago and they don't work that fast
Yikes, I'm so sorry to hear that, Heather.
I'm sure once the social worker goes there and sees for themselves that things are ok, the file would be closed.
I don't think it would be a reader (certainly wasn't me) because why would someone think they knew someone's life just from reading and not actually meeting you? My guess is it was probably a crazy neighbor or something. If the police were involved in January, maybe that. Hard to say.
Hope it all gets straightened out, prayers for you guys.
Heather If a reader did this and they dont. Admit it and tell you why they felt a need to do something this bad on hearsay of a diary that could be exaggerated be emotional or mental health ? it was a shady/shitty thing they did. It takes a lot of concerning things for a hospital to report you. Especially during this pandemic.
Please know i have personally worked with APS, too many times to count. They are good people and can be your best friends right now. Be open minded ask for help and accept it. Maybe they can help you redo Ron’s room. They have access to so many resources. Try not to worry and please be open to it. I hate what was done but you really need help with Ron’s living conditions if things are as bad as you have said? If not dont worry
Well, if a reader gave them the blog she can (it's a woman) look at my video and see the house is OK. Certainly nothing worth yanking us over. Thinking on it I am guessing it was the police because 1. They do that and 2. The one female officer was REALLY upset. She was yelling at me I couldn't provide alcohol and I had to make him stop. I was telling her he gets it delivered and she got even more upset. The house was also pretty destroyed at that point, too. So, I could see that.
Yes I have thought they might be able to get the room fixed which might be nice IF it doesn't come with a huge, meddling, price tag. Although I would want Carlos to do it. About the only real issues I see are clean off table, sweep, clean fridge, and cut out the carpet. Other than that you saw it, it's fine.
It really depends on who called and what was said about our situation.
Nice to know your blog was just a bunch of bull. That you like being woken up early and not getting sleep. Like living with a man that pisses on himself and the floor like a dog. Like living with a man who verbally abuses you. Like living with a man who wastes all your money on vodka.
People who go into this profession are not in to “meddling’ per se ..yes of course like anything else you can get meddlers but the profession does not allow for that kind of energy. They really want you all to stay together in your family unlit and not put anyone “away” . I beg you not to coach yourself or Ron for what you should or shouldn’t say . Just talk to them from the heart and let them offer you help . You are strong look at all you did . Now it is ok in order to get Ron OUT of his own filth . If it was the police they thought the smell and how he looked were reason enough regardless. From what you have told us HIS self care is atrocious not yours his room smells like pee and he is a mess. And will not bath . This may change that and you may get help doing it without it causing him or you any problems. Good luck Heather . Sorry it happened like this people should say what and why they are doing things so you do not have so much self doubt and anger! You have had enough of that during the past years Ron has succumbed to alcohol
Heather, I agree with this. I was able to find a picture of your house, if it was you. An orange house on a corner lot?
You should shut down your blog and go back to RR, we miss you.
Your house basically looks the way it did before with respect to the kitchen table and kitchen counters. And Ron’s room is still trashed. But that is beside the point.
They are going to know if you lie or try to cover things up to keep them from seeing the true conditions.
Maybe one of your family members did it because they know you will never seek help in your own.
@ 7:16. it is my life. If I want out you think I can't walk? Or would?
It is my decision to stay with him, you can't "help" someone who doesn't want it. And I have never said Oh my life is so terrible I want to get out someone please help.
I said, before the pipe break, I would look into apartments. I did, they wouldn't take the cats. I had to fix the house. Ron has seizures now, all factors in my choice to STAY.
Agree with Heidi 100%.
Don't quite understand what exactly someone reported you for. May not have been anyone on this board at all but who knows. I enjoy reading your blog but if you need to quit posting it for your own peace of mind - go for it.
To the last comment WRONG, you are grossly exaggerating 1, and 2. he did discuss it with the doctor. There are often issues after a stroke or other head injury.
Are you just angry that he has someone who sticks? That someone can stick? That people are not always seen as disposable once they "break"?
“ Anonymous said...
Heather, I agree with this. I was able to find a picture of your house, if it was you. An orange house on a corner lot?
You should shut down your blog and go back to RR, we miss you.
April 17, 2020 at 7:47 AM”
I second this wholeheartedly
For the record, it's not a corner lot.
I wasn't impressed with PF when I went there a mother had been asking for advice on how to talk to her daughter about puberty and the women posters were all going EEWWW THAT'S NASTY, DON'T you talk about that. That's pretty uptight for something that God designed... and just a lot of what Ron would tall "Parent dominated" (rules and regulations, "should shit", etc.) I get enough of that from my readers. If someone wants to know what is up with me PM a blog link.
To the hate post I guess I struck a nerve with my 4:59 comment.
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