It is a crime, I believe to threaten a person with a nursing home. I can see why, it's an awful thing to do. Especially if a person has things they love (house, pets) they would lose.
I did have to talk to Ron this morning, though, and explain I cannot watch him 24/7 and "there is only so much I can do".
I slept OK but had a sad dream about a guy I used to date, he was always very sweet. I hope he is doing well, really, all the people I knew in high school I really wish them well and pray they are happy. Not like my life LOL.
I got up, cats were begging, used the toilet. Ron was saying something about how the bathroom had been changed but it looked the same to me. "I even took the thing out" he said, as I looked down the hall and saw the dishwasher rack had been pulled out of the machine and set on the floor.
He thought the kitchen was the bathroom, I'm looking down the hall and I don't see anything on the floor but now I have to go look. I finish up and go do that, everything looks the same. So he didn't crap in the dishwasher.
He kept saying the bathroom was different and I said let's go look. He looked and agreed it was the same, NOW, but had been different last night, and talked again about taking out the dishwasher tray.
That's when I told him I can only watch him when I'm awake, and if he needs supervision at night I am going to have to get help, at best.
He asked for some more beans which can only help his bowel problems. He really likes the 50 cent can of pork and beans and Walmart has plenty on hand.
What a start to my day. You can BET I took my pills (antidepressant, vitamin C, Ginger root, and multi) the second I could.
These days I will take all the help I can get; and I am seriously thinking about asking for help at nights, with Ron. Someone else can deal with his confusion while I get my 8 hours. And Ron gets to stay at home with his beloved Varmint.
29 comments:
Sounds like the onset of dementia or alcohol induced memory issues maybe? Also you have stated that Ron has fake eyes so how can he see the new flooring in your room and see the bathroom hasn't changed? Are you using the word see figuratively instead of literally? Anyway hope you get the assistance you need with his care.
I suspect it is the head injury coming home to roost. He could "see" it rolling around in the wheelchair, touching it with his feet, etc. He does like the flooring and looking forward to getting it in his room. I have also told him it will make those "Cleanup on Aisle 5" issues a lot easier.
Any carpet is just a really bad idea for us. At the end of it I will probably put a 2x6 runner by the sliding glass door because Spotty likes to lay on the doormat but other than that zero carpet in my house.
Yeah couldn’t possibly be the daily quarts of poison he drinks daily taking its toll on his brain function. Has to be the brain injury from 15 years ago.
Everything I have read says alcohol + head injury = bad which is why I have BEGGED him not to drink.
i think if APS offered you home care for Ron, i'd take it. Home care workers aren't intrusive, they're there to care for the person and that's about it. you're going to exhaust and wear yourself out, then you won't be good for him or yourself. Take care.
Medicare or whatever he has will not pay for someone to come 7 days a week 8 hours a night so you can sleep. You are living in a fantasy world if you think that is even possible. If he wasn't drunk he would not be having as many issues as he has. His whole confusion about which room he is in is nothing different than what he always does when he drinks. So sad you won't arop him from drinking but expect a caregiver to take care of a blind alcoholic at night.
Medicare has to spend AT LEAST as much money on keeping Ron at home as they would to place him in a nursing home, it's a law called MICASA. Signed some years ago.
He gets confused, dead sober, at times. He has good and bad days. He is very happy at home with me and the cats. He wants to be here, as far as I know and based on what he has said.
So why not work to make that happen?
I have done all this [waves hand] on my own for over 17 years. Plus over 10 years before that. If anyone has "earned" a break it is me.
All I need is a padlock on my chest and I am good to go.
We still don’t know what he said in the ER. Did you try asking him yet?
I don't believe it was passed and if it was in 1998 I am sure it has undergone many changes since then. It is not a nightly babysitter service it is to provide help with DAILY activities and services. Are they going to sit up with him ALL night and pour him drinks of vodka? Doubtful. What duties would they perform at night? You said you left the microwave on the counter because he cooks his own food. He uses a bottle to piss in and defecates god only knows where. So they would just have to make sure he didn't open the dishwasher and use it for a toilet at night? I don't get it.
There are two factors that determine eligibility for Medicaid home care; medical need and financial need. For the medical need factor, an evaluation will be made to determine whether or not the applicant is in need of the services they're requesting. An individual who is no longer able to complete daily tasks such as personal care or cooking is considered to be in need of in-home care.
For financial eligibility, the requirements vary greatly by state; however, in order to qualify in any state, most individuals will need to have few assets and low income. The state of New York, for example, requires that an individual applicant have less than $14,850 in liquid assets and an income of less than $845 per month in order to qualify. This asset limit is relatively high compared to the asset limit in CT, which is only $1,600. The income limit in CT is significantly higher, at $2,199.
You may need to consult a Medicaid planning expert (Google for a list in your area) to help you navigate through your state's requirements.
Some of the services Medicaid will pay for include the following:
In-home health care
Basic cleaning and laundry tasks
Simple meal preparation or delivery
Transportation to and from medical appointments
Personal care services, including dressing and bathing
Minor modifications, like adding a wheelchair ramp or widening a doorway
Durable medical equipment
It is important to note that in-home care is not for everyone and is not always the best option for those that require the level of care one typically receives at a nursing home or assisted living community.
Based on his income more than likely he would not qualify unless he stopped working.
@ ER He just said "I told them about us" if he told them I am bipolar and fetal alcohol that probably did it right there.
Ron can't really do anything for himself, in a pinch he could probably do some bathing, toileting, feed himself if the food was set up for him. He is the first to tell you there is no way he could have his cat without me.
We already widened the door way (thumbs up for Carlos) so no real access issues. We have a ramp as well, three wheelchairs, a commode chair, and a shower chair. Plenty of exit routes, no hoarding. Plenty of food and utilities are all on.
I would be really happy if someone would just sit up with him and direct him if he got confused. Or stay with him when I go run errands so they can get him snacks, drinks, run to toilet, etc. if he needs help.
The only real asset we own is the house and we still owe about $35K on it. Debts aren't too horrible $6.5K to Dad and about a thousand in credit card and homeowner's association.
I don't mind doing laundry at all, for the record, but Ron is balky and stubborn about bath time and might be better for a third party.
There isn't any program called MICASA in either Medicare or Medicaid. You'll get some in-home services but certainly not 24 hour care. They'll tell you what you guys are eligible for. Nursing home is out of the question right now because of the virus. Have you seen how many people are dying in them?
Again your income more than likely disqualifies you for this. Medicaid is very specific about how m7ch money a person can bring in.
Adding he is basically an adult baby and the only thing he is capable of doing for himself is getting vodka and drinking it. Funny he is quite capable of doing that but plays the helpless victim for every thing else.
How come he can get his vodka but is incapable of getting a bottle of water or a prepackaged snack for himself? It is not the caregivers job to take care of his cat and he won't even brush the cat to prevent mats.
So you want someone to just sit there and direct him if he is in a drunken stupor. Fantastic.
So you want Medicaid to pay what they would pay for him to be in a nursing home. I wonder if they would then be required to follow Medicaid rules in regards to not drinking or drinking under the caregivers watch. This would mean no more drunken benders and would mean he would not have free reign to drink what he wanted when he wanted. Seems like a fair exchange since you think it's his God given right to 4000 plus a month in free care with no rules.
But why did you not press him for more information on what exactly he told them about “us”? I don’t get that. I would be begging for the details.
He was very vague about what he said so it is anyone's guess. He was more focused on the annoyance of the beeping IV pump and people talking outside his room. The fact he had to urinate and it took a while to get a urinal.
I don't "want" anything, but if SOMEONE, I don't care WHO, will pay to keep Ron in the home and give me enough assistance I don't burn out I will be happy. That is all. I never said I wanted anyone else to take care of the cats, just that Ron admits he cannot care for them on his own. I don't want Ron in a nursing home he would be miserable even without the virus.
If you are angry about the fact he does need care you should take it up with the man who ran over him. Up to that point the only thing I did was read him the mail and write checks. He did everything for himself, he even used to take a list to the grocery store and have them do the shopping for him.
Now he needs help with just about everything. He does have drinks in the fridge and snacks by his bed if he gets hungry, but he often forgets he has them and will ask.
I will see what the social worker says when she does come out. At least one senior services agency will send helpers, if they do that is great. Ron certainly has the need and I believe whoever made the report is worried I will not be reliable in the long run. I will have to show I am more than a label, been doing that my whole life.
Ron wouldn’t require all this Extreme caregiving if he wasn’t a massive alcoholic. If he did rehab after his accident and never drank, he would be 100x more functional.
There is no way to know that. Rehab isn't going to make his back functional, or "unstroke" him. It is not going to heal his brain damage, broken bones, and arthritis. At best it might make him a little stronger easier getting in/out of wheelchair. His problems are not related to a lack of activity, the problems LED to the lack of activity.
I have a photo of Ron after he unloaded a pallet of soda. After the accident, with no physical therapy... he could do it. Then arthritis and his back set in I remember one day in tears he told me had to use the wheelchair again.
I did not flog him, as you would have, castigating him and saying it was his fault because he wasn't active. Because he was active. Until he couldn't move anymore.
I don't blame Ron for his problems; if anything I blame the driver. The man chose to talk on a cell phone while running a red light. That caused the injuries, nothing else.
One day I may publish his name.
"The fact he had to urinate and it took a while to get a urinal. " So he is able to hold it and not piss on the floor or miss the bottle. Something for you to think about.
Yeah it's a good day when someone doesn't open the dishwasher and take a gigantic dump inside it.
It is a good day, can you imagine cleaning that?
I think his problem at home he gets sleepy/lazy and doesn't always focus on what he is doing with the bottle. But new flooring is coming and that will help a lot. It has been great when the cats puke and the other time when a cat ALMOST made it to the box. All of that cleaned up super easy.
This is consistent with long term brain injury effects and can be further complicated by seizures. I spent a career working with people with disabilities, and have seen this many times in people who drank and people who didn't.
All the internet experts going on in these comments is counterproductive. Bullying Heather for finally discussing getting the help she and Ron desperately need is so wrong.
Heather, just talk to the APS worker honestly and keep Ron's doctors informed of the changes you see. I recommend writing the changes down with dates so you don't forget anything, Services available to you and Ron will be regional and may have a variety of funding sources. The APS worker can discuss them with you and help you connect with organizations that provide services.
Yeah, I am willing to take help. Long term readers know that is huge.
But I am someone's case because someone else is worried and I accept that. I have had a lot on my plate recently so help would be great if I can get it easily.
Heather, bipolar reader who’s a lawyer, them knowing you are bipolar means nothing. No one cares about that. Lawyers, doctors, politicians, billionaires, etc are. It doesn’t legally harm you in anyway. You mention this fear a lot. It doesn’t matter. Relax girl!
I just don’t think you are going to get the help you are dreaming up (a nighttime babysitter)
many other things, yes.
About the bipolar thing my mother was just abysmal; and "She's bipolar" was used to excuse most of it "She's an alcoholic" covered the rest. She was a perpetual victim in everyone's eyes, incapable of making even the simplest decision, the label was used to excuse many years of horrible behavior and the reason I think my sister wanted a bipolar diagnosis so, so, badly. So she would have an excuse "Don't give me a hard time, I'm bipolar".
In "Games people play" it is called "Wooden leg" "What can you expect of him, he has a wooden leg". Of course that author thought bipolars came from having a schizophrenic mother and we all know that is wrong.
I said HELL NO to that when I got my diagnosis and wanted to know how to subjugate it, and I did. I read up on what I needed to do, and not do, and I have played accordingly. I think, overall, I am a good patient and responsible in my living.
But for a chunk of my life I was told again and again bipolar = victim. I don't see myself as a victim which is why I was so surprised when I got the letter.
Of course you don't mind using the old wooden leg excuse when it comes to Ron. For whom most of his decline is rooted in alcohol abuse but you would rather blame it on his accident because you can't do anything about that like you can with insisting he stop drinking.
No, victim of Ron's abuse. I'm sorry but ... duh. And the reporting person had the option of reporting it because you're disabled. No one is saying that you're a victim because you have bipolar disorder.
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