Saturday, April 29, 2017

I've created a monster, or appeasement doesn't work

Read the post below this first, then come back. 

You may wonder why I didn't just do what Ron wanted.  After all, what would it "cost" me to pretend he was right, make a phony apology, and maybe even give him back the MP3 player? 

It would cost me a lot. 

See, appeasement doesn't work.  If I did that I would be teaching Ron that dirty fighting, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, dragging up the past, etc. is all a good and beneficial thing for him. 

Just do this, he'll learn, and Heather will give you whatever you want.  I learned that lesson the hard way.  I've created a monster. 

He thinks if he is ugly enough, dirty enough, abusive enough, I will give him what he wants.  And it worked for a very long time.  It isn't until I rediscovered my faith back in 2009 that I really began standing up to him. 

As a result, he bitterly resents and mocks my faith.  He attacks God with even more profane and abusive comments than he levels at me.  It makes me shudder to think what he will face on Judgment Day. 

So, no, I'm not going to say I'm sorry for something I didn't do.  I didn't do anything wrong and I have no reason to apologize.  He will get over it, he always does. 

I'll just have to wade through the abuse until he does. 

Setting boundaries is really hard with a narcissist.  Not "Oh, it's hard for me to say no to him" but "It's hard for him to accept I am saying no to him".  There is a lot of blowback from that. 

But, as proven tonight, it does work.  When I threatened to call the police Ron dialed back the verbal abuse.  He knew he was in the wrong.  He knew how it would look. 

To be blunt, he knew he was wrong. 

Appeasement doesn't work. 

No comments:

The squares

I woke up in the middle of the night, to the sound of Ron coughing, again and again.  And again.  And again.  I finally got up to offer him ...