Friday, June 10, 2016


Let me throw my clothes in the dryer before I get started.

OK, done. 

I woke up today more depressed than usual.  Gravy's death has been extraordinarily hard on me.  I think, because he "could have been saved" (to have a terrible quality of life), unlike my other euthanasias, where the cat was going to die anyway. 

I loved Bubba and Frosty "more" than Gravy, I think, but I don't recall their deaths being so hard on me.  Maybe I just chose to blot it out. 

We tend to "erase" painful memories, you know. 

I'm not necessarily grieving him every day, I am over that, but I think the grief set off chemical changes in my brain that are hard to undo.  I suppose.  I will ask Doc when we have our "visit" in a couple of weeks. 

Anyway, more depressed than usual.  I did my God Time later and took my shower.  Happily, I did not need to shave my legs. 

We went to Walmart.  I needed a couple of things, make a deposit, buy candy for the vet's office, buy protein bars, put in a refill on my medication, etc.  I did all that. 

I had time to shop for clothes.  Have you ever shopped for clothes while depressed?  It's pretty horrible.  I told myself I would look for the "good' shorts, and if I found them buy a pair.  While in the area, I looked at bras and found a likely victim, a sport bra with sewn-in padding.  I don't like the removable pads, they bunch up and make me look deformed. 

I left with *just* a pair of shorts and a bra, also a depressed shopping thing.  I do have to admit my money is lasting a lot farther with the depression. 

Which is good, we have bills to pay. 

I even got my protein bars, which is good because I eat them for breakfast. 

We had a pretty good ride home but we were very crowded together in the back of the vehicle, my purchases, me, Ron, and another client, on a bench seat in the back of a minivan. 

When we got home I ate a little (I had gotten something from McDonald's) and took my pills.  I had run out of them in my organizer so I had to get them individually out of the bottles.  Later on, I "did them up" into the appropriate AM/PM/DAY of the week compartments.  For a change, I didn't add any supplements.  I think it's probably a good idea to clean out my system now and then (not doing some moronic colon cleanse). 

Then I took a nap.  Biscuit is starting to hang out with me when I sleep, and was curled up behind my legs when I woke up.   I did my God Time. 

I watched a little TV.  Ron and I tried to figure out the mystery of who paid $$$ on our electric bill.  That's a lot of money!  He verified, it didn't come out of any of our accounts. 

I watched a little more TV.  I am plotting some internet purchases in the next couple days. 

I checked the mail.  Boy, some days that seems as hard as my shower, but I did it and verified we didn't have anything vital lurking in the box.  I am looking forward to taking 'fun things" like flea medicine for cats, wireless headphones for Ron, and God knows what for me, next week. 

Maybe I'll be manic by then. 


Anonymous said...

Depression itself is so exhausting! So is a mania! Cant win for loosing huh?

Anonymous said...

Grief does come in waves and you loved this cat, it is ok you are very normal in this grief.

A visit with the parents

So, my Dad's in town.  Along with my adoptive Mom.  Say what you will, she did raise me.  I slept pretty well last night - no noise.  ...