Friday, June 10, 2016

Maybe

Let me throw my clothes in the dryer before I get started.

OK, done. 

I woke up today more depressed than usual.  Gravy's death has been extraordinarily hard on me.  I think, because he "could have been saved" (to have a terrible quality of life), unlike my other euthanasias, where the cat was going to die anyway. 

I loved Bubba and Frosty "more" than Gravy, I think, but I don't recall their deaths being so hard on me.  Maybe I just chose to blot it out. 

We tend to "erase" painful memories, you know. 

I'm not necessarily grieving him every day, I am over that, but I think the grief set off chemical changes in my brain that are hard to undo.  I suppose.  I will ask Doc when we have our "visit" in a couple of weeks. 

Anyway, more depressed than usual.  I did my God Time later and took my shower.  Happily, I did not need to shave my legs. 

We went to Walmart.  I needed a couple of things, make a deposit, buy candy for the vet's office, buy protein bars, put in a refill on my medication, etc.  I did all that. 

I had time to shop for clothes.  Have you ever shopped for clothes while depressed?  It's pretty horrible.  I told myself I would look for the "good' shorts, and if I found them buy a pair.  While in the area, I looked at bras and found a likely victim, a sport bra with sewn-in padding.  I don't like the removable pads, they bunch up and make me look deformed. 

I left with *just* a pair of shorts and a bra, also a depressed shopping thing.  I do have to admit my money is lasting a lot farther with the depression. 

Which is good, we have bills to pay. 

I even got my protein bars, which is good because I eat them for breakfast. 

We had a pretty good ride home but we were very crowded together in the back of the vehicle, my purchases, me, Ron, and another client, on a bench seat in the back of a minivan. 

When we got home I ate a little (I had gotten something from McDonald's) and took my pills.  I had run out of them in my organizer so I had to get them individually out of the bottles.  Later on, I "did them up" into the appropriate AM/PM/DAY of the week compartments.  For a change, I didn't add any supplements.  I think it's probably a good idea to clean out my system now and then (not doing some moronic colon cleanse). 

Then I took a nap.  Biscuit is starting to hang out with me when I sleep, and was curled up behind my legs when I woke up.   I did my God Time. 

I watched a little TV.  Ron and I tried to figure out the mystery of who paid $$$ on our electric bill.  That's a lot of money!  He verified, it didn't come out of any of our accounts. 

I watched a little more TV.  I am plotting some internet purchases in the next couple days. 

I checked the mail.  Boy, some days that seems as hard as my shower, but I did it and verified we didn't have anything vital lurking in the box.  I am looking forward to taking 'fun things" like flea medicine for cats, wireless headphones for Ron, and God knows what for me, next week. 

Maybe I'll be manic by then. 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Depression itself is so exhausting! So is a mania! Cant win for loosing huh?

Anonymous said...

Grief does come in waves and you loved this cat, it is ok you are very normal in this grief.

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