Blind to see

It's never a good moment when Ron barks "Shut the 'F' up!" while we're riding home.

I had a pretty good day; Ron did not.  I'm starting to cycle manic, I think.  Ron woke up in a very bad mood, resentful he "had" to work. 

I bet a couple million people in America would love to "have" to work today; but he wouldn't receive it. 

I woke up pretty depressed.  I did my God Time later on (before I used the computer).  I did get my shower and put on my new perfume. 

Now, in its defense, it did travel during the hottest time of the year.  It smells great, but it doesn't stick!  It's very annoying!  I don't feel ripped off but I do feel frustrated.  I also have acidic skin, which is hard on perfumes, but I can wear plenty of other things. 

We went to the warehouse.  I got my merchandise, finally able to stock the snack machines.  When I got to work, they weren't as bad as I remembered.  I was glad of that, and I was able to turn "mostly empty" into "almost stuffed".  I always ask God to guide me in all that - selection and presentation. 

I was very busy at work, and Ron kept asking for my help.  I helped him.  He was just very sullen and resentful.  Complaining a lot. 

I want to tell him "No one will want to come in here and buy something if they have to hear all that".  However, correcting him when he's in the mood won't work.  I have tried. 

So, I just decided, he's in a bad mood - I was getting manic by this point (in part due I think to a bad night of sleep) - he can stay in his bad mood and I will enjoy my good mood.  That's all I can do when he's like this, either that or let him drag me down until I'm as miserable. 

After work we went to Walmart (we had really good rides all day).  Ron said I had "Over an hour" and asked to sit up front.  I would have been happy to shop with him, but he was in a pretty bad mood and refused. 

I made my deposit and got a jar of coconut oil. I hear good things, and I think I feel a little sharper after consuming a small amount.  If that's accurate, that would be great. 

I looked at Milk Thistle after that, but they didn't have the "good" kind (you want 175 mg of Silymarin).  Then off to the meats. 

Canned meats, that is.  I have concluded it is better to eat a low carb can of sardines than to eat a high carb TV dinner.  I took my time looking at the choices.  I got a pouch of the salmon (easy to eat out of my backpack), some vienna sausage (I like them plenty if I'm hungry), some vienna sausage for Ron (which I haven't put on the counter yet), and the red and white "Kipper Snacks".  They are really good.  They cost a little more, but still about the price of a regular candy bar.  If I'm spending money on food, I want it to be quality food. 

Later on, I also got some sugar snap peas and celery.  I love both.  It took me a while to find the "good" celery.  They had already prepared celery sticks, which I put in my cart, but I couldn't find the regular celery.  I finally found it after about 5 minutes, at the very bottom of the produce display.  And Ron wonders why "I need so long" at Walmart! 

That was about it for me, I did want to get some yogurt, though. 

I have been pretty queasy the last couple days as my body goes to low-carb.  I was in pretty bad shape, so I went to McDonald's and got a couple of bunless hamburgers, eating them bunless.  I'm an old pro at that. 

I felt better.  I got Ron some food and was about to head off to the dairy case, when he called "Our ride is here".  We'd only been there half an hour. 

Ron had called, without telling me, and asked for a shorter amount of time at Walmart.  Then he forgot to tell me.  I had no idea it was past time to check out. 

Of course, since it's the afternoon on a Saturday, Walmart only had 3 lanes.  Each person in line had a bursting shopping cart.  No way.  I considered just "stranding" my cart but decided to use the self-check. 

I was a cashier for several years.  I know what to do.  I got myself out of there. 

On the way home, Ron acted as if I'd known he changed the pickup.  "No" I told him. 

Then he complained because I hadn't put any salt in the takeout bag, with his fries.  "You told me not to put any salt in the bag, ever." I replied.  "You accidentally bit..." 

That's when he yelled at me to shut up.  Oh-kay. 

I shut up.  He would just rave at me and say even worse things. 

I also had a lovely conversation about my weight, earlier.  I have lost a total of 2 pounds.  Not much... but I'm losing. 

Ron had a lot to say, none of it nice.  Started with "That's all?"  Then went to "You need to lose 100 pounds".  I finally had to tell him to shut up. 

"You don't want to demotivate me before I even start, do you?"  I also tell him he is not "allowed" to complain about my weight as long as I am eating low carb.  I just get sick of it. 

He even tells me "I'm no treat, myself".  So why run me down like that?   It's just hateful. 

I understand he is suffering from depression.  He chooses not to address that.  That's his choice. 

I will not allow him, however, to drag me down with him into his pit of self-hatred and endless bellyaching.  We are blessed in so many ways - but he really is blind to see. 

In spite of all that, I had a good day.  Haters gonna hate, after all.