Monday, July 29, 2013

Not hearing me lately

Well, I got my shower and my God Time today.  The rest of it sucked pretty massively. 

Ron was in his usual black mood.  It is really hard to stay positive - it's like being with a highly infectious flu patient - a supercarrier.  It is so hard to keep his negativity from infecting me. 

I woke up with a pretty bad headache which evolved into a migraine.  I'm still battling that. 

OK - this is going to be a huge pity party - the thing that bothers me the most about Ron.  No way around it.

So, I had to get the "Galaxy" order.  It has about 20 cases of bottled soda, 2 cases of bottled water, and over 12 cases of canned soda.  I was able to get the first two, but not the last; my sandwich guy called early. 

I got the sandwiches and stocked them.  Ron was being very negative and gloomy.  He was also being pretty rude to me and taking me for granted.  I don't expect him to throw rose petals in my path but it would be nice if he didn't bark at me. 

"God" I asked "Can You rebuke him?"  I knew that, while I could go confront Ron, he wouldn't receive it and things would just escalate.  Besides, my regulars were coming in and I did not want them to hear Ron cursing me out.  "He won't take it from me, but he isn't treating me right.  Please have someone hold him accountable for this." 

I stocked a couple cases of canned soda (the stuff we'd run out of needed stocking, now that we had the delivery), and as I bent over I was hit with a horrific wave of pain.  I had a huge, crushing, spasming agony in my chest. 

[Bad Word]  The spasms were back.  From a psychosomatic viewpoint, I'm sure they showed up because I am tired of holding back my viewpoint about Ron's negativity. 

In the meantime, I felt like I was having a heart attack.  I have never had a formal diagnosis (no insurance for most of my married life), but I knew it was this: esophogeal spasms  Ugh.  It was horrible. 

I *have* had this before, and didn't die.  My mineral levels (sodium, potassium) are probably all out of whack as I go low-carb, and add the emotional stress...

At any rate I felt ghastly.  I just about finished it and closed the machine, walking over to the "parking lot" where we keep unused carts (so Ron can grab it without bugging me).  As I parked it, Ron started barking at me again. 

I know I sounded "mortal" when I told him "I can't help you, I need to sit down."  When he realized I was really sick he had a lot to say to God, but did encourage me to sit down.  He yelled at me when he "caught" me opening a soda machine (I thought a cold soda would help, but I was wrong).  It took me a minute or two to convince him I was only "taking" a drink and not stocking. 

So, Ron was civil to me for a while, quiet during my nap without the usual rude comments "Again?  Boy, you sleep a lot!"  I concluded, nice as it was to have some "peace", it was still not worth the pain. 

This was on top of a migraine.  At one point I went to the bathroom, pretty sure I was about to vomit, but I didn't. 

Our ride, praise God, was waiting outside.  The driver was a nice guy but a little lacking in the safety department.  It's really a bad idea to rummage around in your bag, looking into the bag, instead of the road, while traveling a very busy freeway.  Not really happy about that. 

Ironic: you know I am a Bible Thumper, pretty [censored] devout by any standard; however, he had the most annoying "Praise Jesus" music on at full volume and it was KILLING my head.  I kept telling him I didn't feel well, had a headache, etc... but he didn't recieve it. 

What is it with men not hearing me lately? 

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