Sin no more

Today, I burned the top of my head, completely ruined my cats, and had a good day off. 

It didn't start out well, me, depressed, in bed.  The headache showed up - the one I always get when I'm depressed and spending too much time in bed.  I got out of bed, took some pain killer (generic Excedrin), and got going. 

I hadn't washed my hair since Sunday, so I used the clarifying shampoo and conditioner.  I got the cheap stuff, but it works.  I hate having greasy hair when I'm depressed. 

I have a little something-something on my father's side, I'm not sure what exactly.  I do know I have a little Native blood.  I've only had 2 sunburns in my life, no matter how much time I spent in the sun.  I have high cheekbones, beautiful hair (I do love it), and oily skin and hair.  I do have short femurs.  It would have made me rather stout but I ended up 5 foot 7 (my Dad is well over 6 feet). 

Purebloods are boring, I think, and if you look at pets - the purebreds have the most health troubles!  I'd rather be a nice healthy mutt anyday - probably one reason I married a "mixed breed" Creole (Creoles are a mixture of Black and French blood.  Ron's family also has some Spanish and Native thrown in). 

I got out of the shower and did my God Time.  As I finished, Ron headed off to the liquor store.  He had delayed the trip a few times already, and wanted to get it done.  On his own, while sober, Ron has said made some very encouraging comments. 

He said, and did, get rid of the Everclear again.  He is watching is portion control and timing, very carefully.  He is also making comments about having "dry" days in addition to drinking days. 

We're both in a good mood when he's talking about it, he just brings it up on his own.  I'm not demanding. 

See, I think that is one thing people don't understand about my husband.  You can't make demands.  Ron makes his own choices.  If you push him, he will dig in like a tick, and refuse to budge.  If you suggest, and then leave it alone, he may very well agree with you after some careful thought. 

So, I don't make demands; I feel validated because AA says never make demands, anyway. 

So, Ron went to the liquor store.  When he got there, they were worried because the vodka maker has changed the bottle.  They kept telling Ron worriedly it was the same booze. 

As a joke, I said, let me see.  He took it out of the bag. 

"Ewww!  Gin!"  We both died laughing. 

However, after Ron had left I felt pretty aimless.  I was depressed, still battling the same depression I've had all month.  Longer cycles suck - more depression, for longer. 

Doc says these things change from time to time.  No one knows why.  And then he made a note in my file. 

"I need to go out" I thought "Not because I want to, but it's a beautiful day.  I have always told myself, the times I most need a day out, are the times when I don't think I do.  Once I get out there I'll get into it.  I just need some motivation." 

I pray on this all the time; guidance in managing my illness. 

God reminded me I had yet to give Bubba his hairball treats.  I love those things.  So does Bubba.  He thinks I am being awesome instead of feeling raped.  (If something goes into your body without consent, that is rape, and Bubba felt every inch of it)

I feel like an awesome mother, instead of a rapist (to clarify, I put the old stuff in his mouth but he had extreme objections). 

I could get more cat treats!  I love them, so does Bubba, and I would hate to run out.  I had my impetus. 

As I left the house, I called Ron.  He said "Wait, I'm right around the corner.  Wait up, I want a kiss."  So, I waited.  It meant missing a bus but I thought the cuddle was worth it.  I teased him about his "gin", got my kiss, a hug even, said goodbye to the cats, and left. 

I left my backpack at home.  I only brought a little spending money, cell phone, house keys, and bus pass.  I had some very long waits on the bus, standing in the sun.  That's how I burned the top of my head and my arms.  The part is looking rather angry red, the arms are a little red, by in my experience tomorrow they go to tan. 

I have never worn sunscreen.  One, I was so depressed for so much of the time, I liked the idea of dying early from skin cancer.  Yup. 

Secondly, by the time I got medicated, and cared about my health, everyone was being told not to wear sunscreen all the time due to Vitamin D deficiency.  I erred on the sunny side.  I do have some sun damage, but I'm 38. 

So, lots of waiting, waiting, bus rides, and finally I got off the bus.  I headed over and got the cat treats.  I happened to pick up a can of wet cat food "Lobster Dinner".  The list of ingredients sounded pretty tasty. 

Nah, I couldn't get that.  Why not?  It's only $1.50.  Would the cats get $1.50 enjoyment out of it?  Would I, watching them eat it?  Why not?  I threw it in the cart.  I also got some "Duck" a poultry pate, and a favorite of theirs: chicken and liver.  It all came to about $12. 

The cans were light, and easy to carry (I got the 5 ounce size because I do have 2 cats).  I walked over to the thrift store.  Nothing.  It would be great if I were a smaller size, though. 

Thirsty, I got a "Mega Jug" from the KFC.  They don't kid around with that thing, it holds at least 2 quarts.  I drank one quart in the restraurant, then filled it again before leaving (empty by the time I got home). 

I was feeling a little better.  I talked to Ron: we'd work tomorrow night (his idea).  He also arranged a trip to Walmart for me, in the morning. 

I went to Starbucks in search of delicious scones, but came up empty. 

Then I went to Dollar Tree.  I love Dollar Tree.  I found all my sugar free candy favorites (I was almost out).  Fruit Drop.  Peppermint.  Coffee Flavor (I hate coffee but I love coffee candy).  Werther's!  In two flavors!  I decided, after sampling later, I prefer the sugarfree classic flavor. 

I loaded up, and got my sugarfree drink mix.  My staples on that, if you care, are lemonade, fruit punch, and iced tea flavors.  If I have those, I'm happy.  I usually add other flavors but those are my mainstays. 

The only problem, fruit punch does stain terribly.  I have to be careful drinking it.  I always drink in a lidded container, with a straw, because Ron has a supernatural knack of finding and knocking over any beverage in the house. 

At work, I notice the other blind guys do it too. 

I also found a 3 pack of microfiber washcloths that look good.  I'll give one to Ron and carry one in my backpack.  I find them really useful for mopping my brow, cleaning up spills, or whatever. 

I also bought some snack foods, labels for work, and razors.  I only spent about $20.  I was very happy. 

I adore my sugar free candy.  My mouth gets so dry!  I don't have the gas and all, either, for whatever reason.  I think they reformulated them to end that. 

I also love to have my sugarfree drink mix at night.  Now I have plenty.  I even have some raspberry iced tea for mornings. 

Baby Girl is behind me, hunting another grashopper.  I found one in my shower enclosure this morning.  I just picked it up, barehanded, and threw it out the window.  "Go and sin no more!"  (John 8:11). 

Happy, I went home.  Of course I had some long waits on the bus, but nothing too bad.  I did manage to have a set for my longest waits.  That always makes me happy. 

I gave the cats the lobster/crab/shrimp dinner.  It was tremendous.  They adored it, happily gobbling away right next to each other.  They have great manners.  Bubba keeps going back for leftovers. 

Ron was happy to see me.  Even happier to get his treats.  I think he ate the entire bag of Tater Skins. 

How does he stay so skinny?