A very long ride

Two posts today, probably. 

First one - I don't know why this upset me so - actually I do. 

When I was a toddler, I used to try to rescue my mother, because "She was sick".  I was hardwired for caregiving/enabling. 

You know, one of the hardest things in my life, other than setting boundaries - has been figuring out the line between "caregiving" and "enabling". I'm still figuring that out.

For instance, Ron's at the liquor store, but I didn't keep an eye out for the vehicle, or go with him. He's on his own.  I would love it if he brought me a salty snack but I think that goes to endorsing the drinking - so I won't call. 

Even though I would love some Ruffles Sour Cream and Onion chips. 

Today I saw a 12 year old girl, caregiving for her very disabled sister (I'll give you a hint, diapers, formula, blind, and a wheelchair).  Both kids were great, very well behaved.  But I couldn't help thinking it was abusive and wrong to expect a pre-teen to caregive for such a complicated person. 

Ron's siblings used to watch him, make sure he stayed out of the street, etc, but he was only blind.  For some reason, that little girl just cut to my heart. 

When I was a kid, living outside the "big city" - it used to break my heart to look at the homeless people.  My parents kept telling me "don't look at them".  I went to the lighting of the Christmas Trees in Washington, DC, once.  I was devastated to see people sleeping on the sewer grates and cried all the way home.  The subway - I kept telling my escort we had to wake up the lady sleeping on the train, before she missed her stop - then they told me it was probably the only safe place she had, to sleep.  I toughened up, I had to.

It takes a lot to get through my armor.  Somehow that 12 year old managed to do it, sitting so quietly and resigned. 

This world is sick.  Making babies take care of cripples.  I bet the mother is sitting at home getting a check for the caregiving, on top of the disability (the government will sometimes pay people to take care of family members, in order to keep them out of expensive nursing homes).

The driver said it had been a very long ride for all of them.