Work Around

"They can't take away my dig-ni-tee!"  Remember that song? 

I will be a little mysterious because I don't want to shame Ron. 

Last night, I had some horrible hallucinations.  Have you ever watched a show where someone is invisible, and they show them moving around?  They look just like their surroundings, but the edges are distorted.  I had large blobs.  Then I had wavy, transparent arrows moving, distorting everything they passed. 

I was seriously freaked out.  I thought "I should probably go to the emergency room".  Then I thought about all the sick people in the waiting room, long ER waits, and then they would send me downtown to the emergency psychiatric center.  That would be a big hassle and very expensive. 

Then I thought, I can call Doc and ask if I can take another Haldol.  I decided to do that if the wierdness wasn't better in 15 minutes. 

It was kind of hard walking around, impossible to read, but I figured if Ron can do it totally blind I could do it hallucinating.  Ron, at the time, was essentially passed out. 

I ate some ice cream, and I thought 'What if I'm having a migraine aura"?  The last time I had one I was prostrate for 3 days.  I figured, accurately, it sure wouldn't hurt to take my migraine drugs.  I took some Napoxen, and my phenergan tablet.  A few minutes later, the aura abated and my head started to throb. 

I was RIGHT!  It was a migraine.  I put up a prayer request on Facebook (I am Heather Boutte there, you can see me with Ron.  I am not the "hot blonde" Heather Boutte but I wouldnt mind.). 

I went to bed.  My mouth was really dry from the phenergan, but the pain was mild and I had no nausea or vomiting.  I moved my bucket right next to the bed, just in case. 

I laid down, drifted off, and Ron started making noise.  I told him I had a migraine and asked him to keep it down.  He said "OK" in a way that let me know he wasn't processing it. 

He was processing that I had made a request, but not the details.  That's one reason I don't drink.  It just seems to make people stupid.  I'm not calling him names, but he has like, no cognitive ability when he drinks.  I don't want to do that to myself.  It seems very degrading, what alcohol does to people. 

Ron attributes it to my Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  He thinks I hate "everything alcohol" because it damaged me.  No, not really.  Big Alcohol does their "drink responsible" campaign.  Every place in Texas, selling alcohol, displays this wonderful sign: 

 

 

I'm not angry, I'm truly delighted - this sign is found everywhere in Texas.  God also made a point: I sell things that are unhealthy.  But everyone buying my merchandise is an adult, and able to choose what they want to put into their bodies.  It's no different.  I forgive Big Alcohol.  I forgive whoever sold my very pregnant mother alcohol.  I forgive my mother.  I forgive the people who didn't understand I was damaged.  I forgive alcohol for damaging my marraige, because Ron is electing to consume it.  

 

I don't hate alcohol.  I hate watching people harm themselves with alcohol.

 

I think it's pitiful, what it does to Ron.  A friend called him last night and Ron was up for hours talking and talking.  I shut the door. 

 

I like the person who called, and I didn't mind Ron talking, but he could have gone outside.  He made more noise later, I told him I had a migraine, and he got it.  He was quiet for quite a while. 

 

I woke up around 7.  I was having a nightmare that involved pain and realized I needed some excedrin.  I took that and tried to go back to bed, but when Ron realized I was awake he kept talking to me.  I finally got up. 

 

I took my shower, yay, looking and smelling good.  While I was in the shower Ron had a problem.  He was very angry about it, yelling.  I kept telling him, it's OK, just let me fix it.  He finally stormed off. 

 

I fixed the problem, not a major one, and Ron thanked me several times.  He's not a monster. 

 

He did, however, seem to be acting drunk, still.  By the time this stuff clears his system it will be 12 - "Drink 'o' Clock".   That's frustrating.  I'd like him sober at least some of the time.   But that's not up to me. 

 

He just isn't really rational right now.  He's sleeping, a good thing. 

 

It just makes me really sad to see Ron destroying himself like this.  He did let me give him some Dextromethorban.  I read an interesting article about how they are using it to treat neuropathy.  We'll see if it helps.  It won't interact with the alcohol. 

 

We may have some guys over to help with the house.  If they do, great.  It not, I'll work on organizing and such. 

 

However, Bubba-cat is sleeping in front of the cabinet housing the garbage can.  I'll have to work around.