I still feel that way

Last night Ron had another blackout and shouted out the window, repeatedly, at the neighbor's dog.  Sad.  He admitted he had one, and was completely baffled as "I only had a couple of beers". 

Today, rather sleep deprived, I had a long day at work.  I did it all.  I stocked everything, I rotated the stock, I stacked the stock (laugh), and did everything possible.  I fixed 2 malfunctioning machines. 

While working, I thought "You know, my wedding vows did not include 'Unless you become an alcoholic'".  It is so easy to tell me to leave; but I did make promises. 

Of course if my safety, etc, I will leave. 

Anyway, work was long.  I forgot about my sausage patties (again) and ate peanuts instead.  They were good, but I'm getting a little tired of peanuts!  When we got home, I ate a hamburger patty and took a lithium.  I was pretty irritable, but Ron didn't guess.  He was surprised when I told him "I don't like my mood, I'm taking another lithium". 

Now, a little known fact about my bed: I have a platform style bed from Ikea.  It has a 4 inch thick foam mattress that is wonderfully comfortable.  The whole "bed" cost about $400, including the frame.  I do need a new frame, but what I have works. 

One thing I do is to layer sheets on the bed.  A flat sheet on top of a fitted, then another fitted, and maybe a mattress pad on top of that.  I got horribly sick about 7 years ago and had to change my sheets.  It would have been so much easier to peel off the bad sheet and mattress pad, shove them in the corner, and then lie down again.  So, I do that. 

Bubba vomited in the middle of the bed, on the sheet.  I peeled off the sheet and pad, and the underlying sheet was immaculate.  NOW I could sleep! 

Ron planned to leave again to go to the liquor store.  I told him I was taking a nap and did so, for about half an hour.  That's all I needed and I was up.  It was about 3.  He left about 3:15.  I didn't see him again until 5.  His ride was over an hour late, and he just sat there in a chair, waiting, with the bottles of vodka in a reusable tote bag, hanging around his neck. 

I dressed in my garden clothes and headed out back.  The soil was dry enough to work.  I dug in my amendments and planted more collards, and some chard.  I had a good time. 

I figured out I can stomp the soft dirt around the edges of the garden beds and pack it.  I have clay soil and it gets pretty tight if walked on when wet.  Good.  I hope to pack the walkways down before adding the weed blocker fabric.  I never, ever, step in the garden beds.  I generally sit on the ground (hence the garden jeans, which have fit me great for 2 years now) and reach into the beds. 

I did some grooming, I have some wild rasperries that are trying to take over.  I have a leather glove for that.  I grab the stem with the gloved hand, wrap the stem around my hand a few times, and give a mighty yank.  It's a good workout.  While pruning back my purple rosebush (Reine de Violettes), which is about 8 years old, I made some cuttings. 

I really enjoy being physically active.  It was lovely, about 70 degrees, and sunny.  Perfect weather to work in the garden. 

I had a great time ignoring the dirty clothes and dishes; and just doing something I love.  I have had a hell of a time recently.  I need to take care of myself.  I did.  Yay! 

I might even take a nice hot bath later on, as I read one of my inspirational romance novels. 

Happily, I don't NEED to eat, I can just eat a snack when I feel like it, as I've already taken my PM Lithium.  I am in my lithium happyplace so I don't think I need a third.

When I need more lithium, I KNOW it.  When I first started my medication Ron was hysterical with fear.  I was a "zombie".  I told him, I knew after my second dose of lithium that I needed this stuff more than I needed anything else in my life! 

I still feel that way.