Blind Drunk

We had today off. 

I didn't even want to ask Ron to make the trip to Walmart, because I knew I'd have to pay.  After his last blackout, I refused to buy him any alcohol. 

I don't like confrontation and Ron is a master manipulator.  It brings me no pleasure to say that.  In the past, he has "talked me out of it" eventually. 

He tried to "talk me out of it".  I told him, calmly and sadly, no.  But he was fine, he just had to change the way he ___ and he is a complete victim in the process, the Neurontin....

I told him the answer was still no.  He accused me of being unreasonable and harsh.  He had been fine drinking this week, hadn't he, because he had changed the way he.... he was fine now. 

I told him, calmly and sadly, no.  Actually, on the way to Walmart, we picked up a blind man at a liquor store, he had a case of beer, and took him home.  He does this often. 

I actually asked the driver, is it the blind guy with the beer?   And she said yes, before we even got there. 

Ron's not the only blind drunk.  He made a big point of "understanding [my] viewpoint" and I calmly and sadly reminded him I had 18 years worth of "See, I'm fine now... blackout!" 

I told him I wasn't being punitive, but doing it to protect us both.  He pouted and sulked for a while.  He tried to portray me as some persecutor - "Beating me over the head with what I do during the blackout!" 

Um.  No.  I told him in 3 sentences what he did; fell on the floor, woke me up, took my shoes out from under the couch and put them in a big pile.  Stayed on the floor for a few hours, made it back to bed somehow, I went out. 

I jokingly asked him how long I "beat" him, and he backed off.  I have read that an alcoholic will focus on the wife's reaction to the drinking, so they don't have to face their addiction.  I reminded him, I went out and had fun. 

He seemed really shocked by that.  I mean, what was I supposed to do?  I was very upset, and I knew that was letting him "win".  I did have a good time, and plan to make it a day out when it happens again. 

It will happen again, I know that. 

Ron, meantime, called Chuck.  Chuck said he would take Ron (whom he has referred to as a MAJOR alcoholic) to the liquor store on Tuesday.  Ron asked if I "wanted a ride". 

I told him, no, I'm not going anywhere with you 2 when you're buying liquor.  That's how I got tricked into helping last time.  Chuck refused to leave the vehicle.  If you're going to buy booze, you two have a good time.  I'll do something else. 

Later on, Ron mentioned, enticingly, that he had planned to take Chuck out to lunch later on.  I told him I hoped they had fun, and I meant it. 

Just now, I checked.  Ron made a Metrolift trip to go to the liquor store tomorrow.  He will go by himself.  Normally, when we have a trip, I wait in the front of the house so I can hear the vehicle.  Then I alert Ron.  Not tomorrow.  I won't be vicious about it, just "busy in the garden" or something. 

I have a lot more in my life than Ron's drinking, and I refuse to allow my life to revolve around anything other than pleasing God.  So, I had to go to Walmart today.  I was out of tampons. 

I got the good kind, and some store brand.  They were very affordable.  I got more of the ultra liner things - they really proved their worth.  I also needed toilet paper and wet wipes.  Boy, that wasn't cheap (added up). 

But necessary.  I also "treated" myself.  I went to the garden center and got 2 bird feeders, and a big bucket of birdseed.  Everything ran about $20.  Worth it. 

When I got home, I assembled the feeders and hung them in different areas of the yard.  Bubba and I can see both of them out the window. 

Speaking of Bubba, I heard the "Proud Meow" (good blog title), last night.  He killed the mouse, it was a big one.  The body was about the size of a 12 ounce soda can.  It had a very long tail.  It was in rigor mortis.  I took a photo of it for the homeowners' association and left it in the gutter outside "filthy's" house.  I hope the school kids see it and tell their parents. 

I found it funny that Bubba brought it to Ron.  Bubba got lots of petting, admiration, and several cans of vile-smelling cat food as a reward.  I only gave him one can, he will get 1 daily for a while, in addition to his dry food. 

I would so much rather have a dead rat on the floor, than a live one in the wall.  Good boy. 

I used to get very upset, but I view him as a savior now; saving me from those horrible rodents.  He is quite the cuddle-cat, too.  He really seems to enjoy sleeping with me. 

I could say something really bitter, but won't.  These days Ron isn't a cuddler.  Factual. 

My bed collapsed again.  I am so tired of that.  I plan to pick up and organize the bedroom so the assemblers can work.  I was a little worried mousie would come out during the process, but Bubby killed it. 

Ron refuses to acknowledge that his drunken tackle broke the bed, 3 years ago.  He talks a lot about a screw and a cross brace, but when he tackled me into the bed I heard a crack and the "spine" broke.  It's currently propped up with a block.  When I lift the mattress, I can clearly see a broken board. 

Whenever Ron asked about it, it was always "Oh, let's get you a new bed and assemble it".  No, assembling it is torture.  Also, the last thing I want to do when depressed, and I am a majority of the time, is a lot of high-speed brain processing visual into audio speech, while "sounding nice" because Ron immediately says I am "being mean"  and "Using that tone of voice" if I allow any natural, human, emotion, into my voice when I am trying to do something that is EXCEPTIONALLY difficult for someone with brain damage and bipolar medication. 

I told him, let's pay to have it assembled.  "Oh, we don't have the money for that."  He'll pay $100 for a bed frame, but I'll have to pay to have it assembled? 

I reminded him to brush his teeth today.  "Why?"  So you don't end up with another root canal.  Funny, we always have money for Ron's root canals, but when I said I needed a checkup it's "OH, we don't have the money.  Are you sure it can't wait?  You'll have to pay for it yourself!" 

Tomorrow he will probably spent between $40-100 on alcohol, instead. 

Yes, I'm bitter. 

Praying on that.