Tuesday afternoon

z (biscuit)

It doesn't take a lawyer to realize I have an obligation as the wife and caregiver to try to give him the medication, so I want it on the record if he is saying no.  If he does say no that is fine, I will accept it, but he can't just not take it, he has to SAY it or my butt is in the fire.  He listens to love songs, cries, says he loves me.  This is the way to prove it, go on the record being an irresponsible patient (I did not say that, just go on the record saying no). 

We are going to have a come-to-Jesus before that phone call.  I don't often pull rank but I will.  I set it up so the doc calls Ron's phone, because Ron wants to handle his own affairs.  That is fine but he has to handle them.  It is no big deal no one is going to haul him off for refusing seizure meds but he has to make it clear it is him and not me making the call. 

Just like I would have to tell my doc if I were dumb enough to go off my meds.  I would owe it to Ron and my family to tell the doctor I wanted to do that.  I wouldn't do that and then leave it to Ron to explain it had been my call.  That wouldn't be fair. 

Of course I am never willingly going off my medication.  Like I've been saying, things are bad enough as it is, I can't imagine them off my medication. 

I don't know if I mentioned this so forgive me if I did.  My doctor's office called today to get the payment for tomorrow's phone session.  I told her I knew she couldn't say anything due to HIPPA but I could only imagine they had a lot of patients in trouble, and things must be crazy.  She gave an affirmative laugh.  It's not just me, it's all of them.  Poor doc, and his staff. 

And I can't even give them chocolate.  I guess I could buy some online and have it shipped, and I may do that.  But it's getting kind of warm out for that. 

I took a nap and woke up with a headache, took some Excedrin which kicked me into a very nasty depression.  I was sitting on the couch and I realized I needed a shower, dragged myself in there and did it.  That's part of the problem with quarantine when you are already depressed. 

I "have" to look presentable when I go out, I have to wear clothes, I have to be clean and healthy.  I have to smell pleasant and maintain a certain standard of grooming.  Not so stuck at home.  It doesn't matter if I wander the house, hairy-legged, reeking, with filthy tangled hair.  Who is going to see me?  So I have to take that extra effort. 

Happily I did catch up on laundry yesterday.  Ron didn't need much today but he asked me some odd questions.  He was talking about his ex girlfriend, they were on and off for several years before he met me. 

1.  She was married when she met him. 
2.  She felt her husband had "made her promises" and "disappointed" her because he was also blind (they all were) and he wasn't working, he didn't have a lot of common sense so couldn't hold a job (probably FAS). 
3.  She had sex with Ron while she was still married5444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444 (Biscuit)
4.  She left her husband for Ron
5.  She frequently pushed Ron to marry her he didn't because clearly she cheats on her husband. 
6.  She had a threesome with her two brothers in law and filed false rape charges.  They almost went to prison. 
7.  She eventually left Ron for a married man
8.  She and her new boyfriend got hooked on crack. 
9.  He went to prison and the story ends there. 

I did meet them one day when I was out on my own, the "lovebirds".  I walked up, introduced myself as Ron's wife, thanked them for doing what they did "Because it opened the door for something better", I was clearly much younger, could see, prettier than HER and thinner too... I was petty enough to be glad of it.  And I walked off, as I got about half a block away I could tell they were fighting. 

Then I went home and told Ron who almost passed out, but loved what I had done.  He made me tell him word for word several times. 

So Ron was just telling me he felt sorry for her because she felt her first husband would have been a better provider and he "tricked" her.  No, she married a loser and left him when something better came along.  I reminded him she was a cheat and the best thing she did was leave Ron. 

I mean, really, you marry a blind guy 40 years ago he's going to have close to zero prospects.  It can't be a huge surprise when all he's got is a disability check.  These days a lot a blind guy can do but not much back then. 

I remember all the blind people Ron knew, one had an answering service (I believe he still does Ron calls that man my biggest cheerleader LOL), radiology tech (developing old school x-rays I think that job is done these days), massage therapist, social services worker, and blind vendor.  That was about it.  Ron did most of it except the massage but he used to give the best shoulder and foot rubs.  Can't do it now with his bad wrist on one side, bad hand on the other, but they were memorable.  He can't get a massage the nerve disease freaks out and makes it miserable for him.  He didn't do x ray, either.  But we knew some people who did. 

One blind woman Ron knew wrote porn, I don't know if she sold it but she used her talking computer from the state for that... and had 5 kids. 

Then Ron's asking me really weird questions like, of all the people we know, who is my "type".  I said I didn't think of men that way and I don't.  I also told him I could "turn it off" if need be.  He asked what about: and I said hell no.  He asked me to tell him someone I did "like" and I said again I don't look at guys that way, I am married, I have ONE partner and you're it. 

He seemed OK with that but I thought it was an odd question.  Of all the guys I dated one was bipolar, one had fetal alcohol, one had a cleft lip, and one had thinning hair and a paunch even in high school.  I probably liked the last the best.  I never kissed him but I wish him very good things in his life. 

I did like 2 different tuba players so I guess if I had a type he plays the tuba?  [grin]  Ron used to play a recorder. 

I am listening to zydeco music I find that uplifting.  Something about the fiddle and the accordion, I guess. 

I have a pretty big spectrum on music.