The photos

I slept pretty well last night, woke up around 8.  I took my shower, did my God Time, talked to Ron.  I got on the computer. 

I had a message from Ron's nephew, Brian.  "Ron's Mom died a few days ago, and they had the funeral today.  I just found out myself". 

Brian, like Ron, was always a little bit of a black sheep.  I won't get into how but he didn't fit in any better than Ron did.  So I think he is also on the "outs" with them, and because of that knew Ron would want to know about this. 

Now, years ago, Ron's Dad was failing.  Brian asked Ron if he wanted to go visit.  Ron thought about it and said no.  When he died, Brian told us the date, time, and location of the service, if Ron wanted to go.  Ron did not. 

"My parents died years ago" he told me "When they tried to put me in a nursing home".  He didn't really grieve when his dad died, I think I was more upset. 

I'm not going to rehash the whole thing with Ron's family.  Suffice to say his family wanted the easy route when Ron was hurt: put him in a nursing home.  I did not.  We had conflict.  Ron's Dad briefly sided with me, long enough for me to "win".  Then Ron's dad went the party line and stopped coming to visit. 

Ron gave it a couple of months.  Honestly, I didn't want him in touch with his brother and sister.  They were both pretty awful to me and I had a hard time forgiving them for what they tried to do to Ron. 

Eventually he overrode me and tried to initiate contact.  They rebuffed him.  He tried again and again, rebuffed.  So no brother and sister. 

He tried to stay in touch with his parents.  They stopped taking his calls.  We showed up one day at their house to talk: they wouldn't.  They told us not to come back without calling.  Ron tried calling, they never answered.  When I got my cell phone in 2005/2006 he called on my phone.  They immediately picked up the phone, got "stuck" talking to Ron, gave him excuses, and hung up.  Then they stopped answering "my" calls.  Ron's Dad couldn't read. . Ron had me give him a photo of Ron with the number on the back. 

We did get a phone call from Ron's sister in law, some months after the accident.  Ron had been listening to a baseball game.  They talked about the Astros and she seemed surprised at his cognition.  She was the main push to put Ron in the home. 

Another time Ron called his sister and she picked up.  She asked him why he was "talking funny" and Ron had to explain: I had a stroke, remember? He was pretty disgusted and stopped even trying to call. 

I joined Facebook in 2009.  Ron's cousin found me (she must have searched for everyone with my last name).  We became FB friends.  She is pretty cool.  Brian must have seen it, because he started sending me messages. 

Imagine someone from animal control trying to coax a weary, hostile, rescue critter out from under a bush.  That was Brian with me.  I didn't want to have anything to do with "them".  He explained it was OK, he was born-again, he was married and having a good life, he just wanted to know how Ron was doing.  He overrode my considerable defenses and I accepted his request.  I don't see much of him on FB, he is a busy family man. 

He let us know when Ron's parents went into the nursing home.  His Dad, "Mom's" primary caregiver, had developed severe dementia.  She couldn't live independently without someone there to take care of her full-time.  She fell, a lot.  So into the home, right next to her husband. 

I have talked about this before, sorry to repeat myself, but I wanted some background to the whole death thing. 

Ron had talked recently about going to visit his mother and bringing her some gumbo.  I told him the visit was a nice idea, but he should call first and make sure she would see him.  I also said she had a lot of digestive issues, and the gumbo would probably be a bad idea. .

So now she is dead, Ron is an orphan in his 60's.  He doesn't seem very upset.  It may come out later. 

I can't help but remember right after the accident.  Ron's parents had come to the hospital.  I was talking about Ron's injuries and wondering how long it would take him to recover.  Everyone was looking at me.  Suddenly his mother interrupted and started talking about her aches 'n pains, redirecting all the attention.  She was used to being the "sick" one and getting all the attention. 

I asked Ron today "When was the last time you remember your mother, vibrant, perky, and full of life?"  He said he couldn't remember that ever.  I found that very sad.  He thought about it for a while and said he supposed she had been pretty lively and happy in his teens, but that was a long time ago. 

That's very sad.  I gave Ron's mother a lot of photos over the years.  It is my hope that I can get them back.  I asked Brian to see if he could make that happen.  I'm not hopeful, I figure I have about 33% odds of getting them back.  I know his brother and sister do not want the photos.  So they will either throw them away or give them to me, assuming his mother even kept them at all.  Odds are strong his sister's house got flooded again during Harvey so if she had the photos they are probably gone. 

But the original house still belonged to the family.  I'm hoping the photos are there and can come to me. 

I guess I'll have to wait and see how much they hate me.  I offered to either meet them for the photos or reimburse them for mailing them to me.