Taking my body back.

My internet is acting up right now so I thought I'd type this out in my text editor.  When I get it working again, I can copy and paste. 

Ron and I have had a pretty good time the last week or so.  He's been a huge help with me, helping me run my errands and get the things I need for my new diet.  We even had a couple of little "dates" at very affordable, low-carbable places. 

Today, though, I saw a scar that reminded me of something that happened when I was 12.  Suffice to say I was attacked.  I defended myself to the best of my ability, but attacked again, leaving me with a very nasty bite wound. 

It's on my upper chest, and when I look at myself in the mirror, naked, in the morning I always see it.   It's a couple inches below my collarbone, on my chest, a few inches above my (traditional) bra line.

It's a horrible reminder of a lot of things.  How I was punished for defending myself, denied medical care, and called a "faker" by someone who should have looked out for me. 

Really, if I have an iconic symbol of everything bad about 5-18, the scar is it.   When I'm depressed, I avoid my reflection in the mirror.  I just look at my teeth and hair.  When I'm manic, I look at myself I assume the way a "normal" person would.   Nearly every time I see the scar I get "triggered". 

Ron and I came to the same conclusion, separately.  Why not cover or surround the scar with a pretty tattoo, something floral, "taking my body back"? 

The scar says I was a victim a couple times over, by my attacker, and then by the people I trusted to help.   A new "mark" will remind me I am an overcomer. 

I'm still thinking about it, but 80% sure I will do this.