This one's for you, Mom

I had a very fortunate experience when I was about 11 years old.  I had been formally diagnosed with "clinical depression".  I knew I felt terrible, and I needed information on how to deal with the illness. 

My adoptive mother stepped in.  She explained clinical "for no apparent reason" vs. traditional depression "If your father died".  She told me again and again, it wasn't my fault, I had a medical condition.  As my illness progressed, the manias came, and I battled the hallucinations I didn't even admit to myself, those words sustained me. 

I had a dreadful thought tonight, all the people out in the world, battling some flavor of mental illness feeling they are somehow to blame.  It's not your fault. 

You have a medical condition, just like I do.  Whenever I hear that someone's suicidal, I always tell them "You need to go to an emergency room or call 911".  I'm happy to do it; suicidal depression is a massive emergency. 

If I got shot in the chest, "everyone" would know what to do.  They'd apply pressure, call 911, and send me to a trauma center.  No one would question those choices. 

However, if I said "I'm depressed, really depressed, and thinking about death" - I'd get a whole spectrum of reactions.   The one I find most annoying, is the one that minimizes.  "Oh, sure you're having a bad day.  We all have them."  And I'd think I WANT TO DIE and you're telling me it's nothing?   [God forbid I became suicial I would take my own advice, and get to an ER or call 911]

Or, I got the truly awful ones: I call myself a Christian?  How could I doubt Him?  I had to fast, pray, crawl over broken glass, and repent of my sins.  I had sinned, and the depression was a judgement.  Well, thanks.  Why don't you just club me over the head while you're at it? 

That is not Biblical.  God can use pain to teach us lessons we can't otherwise learn (Job 33:19 says "chastened (taught/disciplined) on a bed of pain" - which I do see in my own life on occasion), but He is not out to torture us.  God loves us so much He sent His son to die for us.  I'll do another entry one day on lessons I have learned from my illness... but not now. 

So, I've encountered a minimizer, and a punisher.  Then I encounter the well meaning soul who says "I heard of a guy who killed himself."  Or "I knew a guy who was depressed", but they don't understand.  If they could do something to help, something that wouldn't be too difficult, they'd do it.  But they don't understand, can't understand, and can still give you some VERY bad advice. 

Last but not least, I encounter people who relate.  They have been there.  They have physical and mental scars from their battles with mental illness.  They are compassionate, kind, understanding, and not afraid to ask if you took your pills!  They understand because they have been that person. 

Generally, they're the ones who suggest a doctor, 911, or emergency room.  They know a suicidal depression is a medical emergency. 

And I want to make that clear: depression is an illness; a medical illness.

It has nothing to do with being a good person. 
It has nothing to do with your personal courage or strength.
It has nothing to do with choices you made in the past. 
It has nothing to do with your salvation, faith, or walk with God. 

It hurts, because you are SICK.  You are sick because you have an illness. 

What happens when you have the flu?  You take care of yourself.  You take your medicine, maybe see a doctor, get lots of rest, and don't beat yourself up for getting sick. 

If someone you love breaks a bone, you comfort them and get them to a doctor.  If medication is prescribed, you fill the prescription and make sure they take it as directed.   You love them and help them work around the injury until they are better. 

If you're depressed, please see a doctor.  Depression is not a punishment; it's an illness, just like diabetes.  It can be fatal if untreated. 

I know it might be hard to care, but think about those who love you.  It would cause them a lot of harm.