I've seen a couple things online that got me thinking. Death.
No, I'm not that depressed. I haven't been suicidal in a very long time, and I take my medication faithfully to prevent that. On a side note, Ron wrote me a little love note recently, thanking me for "taking those make-you-sick pills so we can have a good life together." I thought that was very sweet.
When I was younger, I thought people should fight to live at any cost. No matter what tubes needed insertion, medications injected, life support, whatever it took to survive another day.
Today, I have a vastly different perspective. I think it was Ron's experience.
I'm actually forbidden, by one message board, to post anything relating to a "near death experience". Well, after Ron's accident he was literally dead in the road. Was it the head injury? The impact? A ton of steel slamming into his body? Was it the chest injury that literally ripped an artery in half? Who knows how, but he was dead.
It was actually on the Life Flight bill: Resuscitation. I think I spelled that wrong.
Anyway, they got in there with the tubes, needles, and paddles, and got Ron's heart beating again. Then, a helicopter ride to the hospital, emergency surgery, and weeks in intensive care.
Not for me.
I've watched people with cancer, their bodies destroyed by disease and chemotherapy, wasting away. They all seemed so weak and miserable. If I had a good cure rate, I'd do surgery and chemo, but that's it.
I am NEVER consenting to dialysis. They are always so weak, sick, and depressed. I'd rather go to Heaven.
My life already is full of fatigue, depression, and brain fog. Why in God's name would I want that when I know I'm going to Heaven?
ESPECIALLY since I would have to stop my lithium. Lithium is excreted by kidneys, if my kidneys go that means no more lithium, and I am not spending one day off my lithium if it kills me. No way. I would rather die tomorrow than go off my lithium.
It's only due to my lithium that I've had any quality of life. "Before" was, as I told Ron, "32 years of the worst, bad, trip you could imagine on LSD." An analogy he could appreciate.
For people who didn't partake, I tell them 32 years of the worst horror movie imaginable, being unable to rely on my own mind. Everyone shudders.
Now, let's say I had a condition. It is fatal if untreated. If I treat it, I can still take my medication. Would I undergo treatment? Well, it would depend.
Probably not.
"Life" hasn't been very good to me!
Ron is in complete agreement and trusts me to abide by his wishes.
No extreme measures.
1 comment:
I'm a big believer in respect for life. I'm against abortion and euthanasia by principle, but, this does NOT mean that I am for prolonging life when life is no longer there, and against looking at what is reasonable and ethical in making end of life decisions. It's a very personal and private thing to decide in light of one's own faith, ethics, and health situation.
I think it's so important to have these discussions, too, and I'm glad to hear of someone else that is doing it. My fiance and I want to do living wills after we are married and make funeral arrangements. Sure, we're fairly young (he will be 39 when we're married, I'll be almost 34), but the unforseen can happen at any time, as you know through your experience with Ron. :( I want to make sure that the measures I want to happen do and the ones that I don't, don't. I want to ensure of things like my organs getting donated (I don't need them where I'm going, and they can save someone else's life, is my philosophy, but I understand those who don't do organ donation due to their personal beliefs.) and when and how to apply treatment etc. I also want to make sure that I get the last sacraments and a Catholic burial and funeral, because those things are important to me. I think it's so important to discuss these things NOW, because the media is filled with examples of people that don't make prior arrangements and the tragedy of when it gets dragged through courts. I DON'T want that happening.
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