Steps to forgiveness.

No, I am NOT going to do some blubbery, drama-queen post about how I've been so injured, no one loves me, etc.  Ugh.  I'll make myself queasy! 

I prayed on this before I did start typing.  I have suffered.  This may be the first time you've ever read a post of mine. 

Background: Mother drank while carrying me; permanent, lifelong brain damage.  Unable to drive or hold down a "good" job. 

I have experienced: severe neglect; physical abuse (I have scars); mental abuse (I still battle with self-esteem issues), psychotic, delusional mental illness; ongoing hallucinations, many suicidal depressions; bipolar disorder; violent, physical attacks from strangers (a couple of times), sexual battery; loving someone enslaved to alcohol,  etc.  For most of my life, I have felt that I can only rely on God. 

Now that I have estabilished my "credentials"; I'd like to share what I've learned about forgiveness. 

The Bible is very clear, that we MUST forgive those who harm us.  Go to a site like Bible Gateway and type in the word "Forgive".  It's very interesting, and, I have found, very convicting.

I will use an example to  illustrate the forgiveness process, as I see it. 

I was mugged, at a bus stop, right before Christmas.  Mugging fail  If you read it, notice the very last line: I put him on the prayer list. 

Alright, so there I am, my arms covered in bruises, and minus a tote bag.  I have just been violently assaulted by a complete stranger.  Even more alarming, I think, was the fact I VIOLENTLY ASSAULTED a complete stranger. 

I had ALWAYS figured myself for the "smart" victim, who "gives it up and doesn't get hurt".  HA!  By God's grace I wasn't killed. 

I am, clearly, completely "freaked out".  It has been a tremendous shock.  At first, the adrenaline carried me for hours.  I went to the mall.  I went to the sporting goods store, and then I went home. 

At the bus stop, going home, I was completely paranoid.  By the time I got home both forearms ached ferociously.  When I removed my long-sleeved shirt, I was covered in deep bruises that lasted for weeks.  If my husband had seen them (he is blind) he would have hunted my mugger down and killed him.

I was ATTACKED.  I knew I had to forgive him; and I had to pray for him.  God is completely clear on both. 

But he hit me!  I was just standing there at the bus stop!  I SMILED at him!   I would have given him some candy! 

1.  I realized, I would need God's help with the process.   I asked Him to help me get to the point of forgiveness and "Praying for you daily". 

2.  I began to pray for him.  It was "Take CARE OF HIM, Lord", for quite a while, but I prayed it everytime I had a flashback (pretty often). 

3.  As a crippling depression set in (and I had such a lovely mania the day I was attacked), I began to pray for him in more detail.  I also began to count my blessings and realize it could have ended so badly.   Ron and I (my husband) were not doing very well.  I didn't have much respect for him and I felt I couldn't depend on him, either.  However, he was always there  when I needed a hug.  I got a much better relationship, as a result of the mugging. 

I was also told, being beaten by a "white woman in glasses" disqualified him from the gang.  It was a gang initiation.  Not only that, the fact that *I* beat him up would have ruined his reputation.  The other thugs wouldn't have associated with him (per a former gang member). 

4.  I had a hard time coming to an understanding of the attack.  He was not a poor man.  He had lovely skin and beautiful teeth, he was obviously from a wealthy family, "playing" at being a bad boy.   Normally in the forgiveness process God will give me an understanding of the other person's viewpoint, but I never did with Thug Boy (I had to call him something). 

5.  God gave me an empathy for the man, and others in bondage to gangs.  I have actually done a modest amount of evangelizing to young men involved in gangs, or from bad neighborhoods.  I forgave him. 

6.  Now I want to pray for them, every day.

I am a lot more careful at the bus stop, but I don't walk around paranoid either.  I know whatever happens to me is God's will, and He used me in significant ways as a result of "my" mugging.  This is just one example. 

I'll restate the steps - this isn't "mine" or "the only way", but it has worked very well for me and God gets the credit. 
1.  Ask God to help you walk the road to forgiveness. 
2.  Pray for them, even though you don't want to do it. 
3.  Ask God to give you empathy and understanding for the other person.  As He does so, really try to get into their head.  See WHY they did it.  Maybe they are just a sick, and evil person.  Maybe they experienced abuse.   Maybe they went off their meds, or were drunk. 
4.  Ask God to give you the will to forgive them.  A lot of times, I haven't wanted to forgive because "That meant they got away with it" - however I am promised, and you are too, that "God will repay" - Hebrews 10:30.  Remember that.  It's perfectly OK. 
5.  As you pray for them, try to see things from their perspective, and remember God will repay, forgive them. 
6.  KEEP PRAYING FOR THEM!  You may be the only person who will. 

I hope this helps.  (((hugs)))