Days like that

I get tired of it; being sick.  I want to have a life without battling a parasitic mood.  I want to have a nice visit, untainted by depression.  Well, I wasn't depressed when my parents were around, but let me tell you, before and after weren't much of a treat.

Even tonight, I battle depression, and a headache.  Can't I just savor happy memories?  No.  So, I thought, I'd look up my blogs from the last time they came to visit, only to discover I barely mentioned it.

And that made me sad again.  I get so tired, so weary.  I took my protocol medication, and some caffeine free headache pills.  Either I'll sleep great tonight, or horribly.  I'm not sure.

Right now I just want to wail about the injustice; lying in bed wondering if what I hear is real.  The battle to sleep, some nights.  I remind myself that latter happens to everyone.  Many, many, people get depressed.  I'm not foolish enough to assume I'm alone.

Unlike many people, I know what I have, and I have medication for treatment.  It's just tough when I want a hug from Ron, and he isn't willing because his leg is cramping up.  He apologized, but he isn't feeling any more cuddly, either.  

Days like today, when I should be very happy, but my brain says no.  Days like the one I bought the house, my cat died, and I had a horrible depression for weeks.  Days like that get me down, discourage me, and make me feel pretty cheated.

And then I remind myself: my faith in God ensures I'm going to Heaven, along with all my loved ones (they're all saved, too).  Instead of a couple days every few years, I'm going to have an eternity to enjoy them.

And I won't be sick, either.