Sunday, August 14, 2011

Not a happy place

Well, it's getting worse.  Ron's drinking.  Still waking me up, every couple of hours, every night.  I was thinking last night, that would be fine if he were a newborn infant, but he's not. 

Still very defensive and angry about the drinking.  As he sat in the midst of yet another "haz-mat" style mess, he belligerently informed me "The vodka is the only thing that helps with the emotional pain".  I will give him credit for "trying" to clean it up. 

To him, harming me is irrelevant.  I just have to endure this so he can feel "better". 

You can imagine my thoughts, lying in bed.  Dark, bitter, angry thoughts.  Resentment.  I am not looking forward to giving up a pretty good life (once you subtract the drinking and verbal abuse), and leaping off into the great unknown.  Job hunting in a DREADFUL economy, trying to find some kind of stable work and a decent, all-bills paid, apartment. 

So, I sent my family a letter, and my aunt a text message asking for a pickup.  She is delighted to have me stay for a few days.  Good. 

I need to get out of here.  I have a LOT of anger at Ron right now.  Add that to sleep deprivation and it's not a happy place. 

I will go to work tomorrow, do my duties, and then my aunt will pick me up.  Work will be fine for days after that. 

2 comments:

Rachel said...

I'm so glad you're going to your aunt's. A few good nights' sleep and some pampering will do you wonders. And if you'd like a character reference, I'd be dee-lighted to write you one.

Anonymous said...

Be strong Heather and know you are in our thoughts.