The letter

Well, a rather distressing night and morning.  More blackouts, more excuses from Ron. 

My favorite was asking me to fix him breakfast.  I did.  Later on he yelled at me for "forcing food on me and waking me up".  WHAT?   "You shouldn't wake me up, I need my sleep". 

I was not pleased.  I used the word "Hypocrite".  I was very angry that he wanted something he refused to give me (a night of sleep).  I threatened, and I may do it, to wake him up repeatedly, when HE is trying to sleep, if he has kept me up all night. 

I finally decided to write him a letter.  He was very upset I wouldn't "help" him with the drinking, and I kept telling him "I can't do that, only you can help yourself, by choosing not to drink".  That was not well recieved. 

I did some research on intervention letters and followed the basic formula.   I think. 

Anyway, letter: 
Dear Ron,


I love you very much. I have always been attracted to your intelligence, your strong work ethic, your compassion, and your generosity...

I am very worried about you. I see you drinking every night of the year. I hear you falling down. I see you are hurting yourself physically, when you drink. When I go to bed, I wonder how many times you will wake me up...When you are not drinking, you are groggy and all you want to do is sleep, until you can drink again. When I try to talk about this you shout at me and call me horrible names. I miss the man you used to be. I don't know this new man.

I want my husband back.... I want you to know how I feel. I love you and I will stand by you though this, as long as I can, but if my physical or mental health is threatened I will have to leave. I am very tired of you calling me names, because I refuse to "help" you drink.

... I will go about my business and live the best life I can. I would like you to be there with me, as I do.
 
[edited out some personal parts]  He drank a glass of wine while I read it to him.  I think he was very surprised at the overall tone.  I did my best not to come off condemning, shrieky, or judgemental. 
 
I reminded him how he felt before I started taking my medication.  I told him, you felt frustrated, fed up, and angry.  You were ready to leave me.  That is how I feel..
 
He told me he couldn't help the blackouts.  I had to get up, go to him, and tell him he was having a blackout.  Then I had to order him to bed.  I refused. 
 
I told him, in many different ways, I cannot interact with you when you are having a blackout.  You get violent if I talk to you.  He refuses to believe it.  I just need to stand "away" from him and he won't hurt me.  I said, you ALSO verbally abuse me.  I will not subject myself to that.  "I've never done that"  - no you don't remember it. 
 
So, he sees it as "Nothing is my fault now, because Heather has refused to help me".  Any behavior, as far as he's concerned, that results from his drinking is now "my" fault.   He has basically told me he is going to drink, and I can "help him manage it" or not. 
 
I know better than to "help".  [sigh]  It's just a huge burden on me.  He has it so twisted up in his head, that he has a "right" to drink, I am a bitch for saying anything against it, he wants to just "tune out of life" every minute of the day.  I can't compete with that. 
 
So it comes back to "I'm going to have to move out eventually".  
 
Like I don't have enough problems, now I have to go look for another job.