Grim thoughts and my "art".

I finished my painting.  "Though He slay me, I will trust in Him". 

I like it.  In my limited experience, most paintings depicting people in hard times, the person looks pretty desperate.  My little figure is calmly praying, at peace regardless of the outcome. 

The important thing, to me, was getting the image out of my head and onto a canvas.  I did that.  I'm happy. 

I needed some happiness.  Things are OK with Ron, no major dramas.  Just lousy sales, a lot of expenses, and a rude clerk at the store today re: my backpack.  Really?  I fit the profile of a shoplifter?  AGH. 

I will probably validate everything you thought about the mentally ill when I say I've spent some time recently just crying over the state of the world.  Things are so screwed up. 

I know many readers, maybe even most, don't believe as I do.  I accept that.  It greieves me because I worry about your soul, what will happen when you die.  I really worry about the Rapture.  If you think things are bad now, you have no idea.  They're going to get a lot worse.  I need to do another rapture blog. 

One thing you can take to the bank, I don't believe I have some kind of tally of "souls saved" on my record.  I just want people to experience God the way I do.  That drives everything I do, pretty much. 

I have a pretty good life, as things go.  I have running water from a tap, electricity, climate control (and a husband freaking about the bills).  I have a husband.  I have a safe and secure neighborhood.  I have a healthy cat, a comfortable bed, food to eat, and a nice little home and yard.  I have my own business, sales are bad but we have it.  I have the ability to go out and get another job.   I have internet access, a television, and a nice little MP3 player loaded with my favorite music. 

I just look around at the world and I'm sick at heart.  People worship everything BUT God; money, power, prestige...I see a planet full of people, so absolutely convinced they can save themselves.  Ha.  We're a pack of rodents, biting and clawing each other on our way to the top.  "I love you".  Oh, it's too hard to love you.  Never mind.  "I don't love you anymore, I love him instead."  And then "he" fails.  Or people spend their whole lives focused on pleasing someone else, never taking the time or care for themselves (yes, I fall in this category).   Maybe they cut themselves off from everyone and retreat beyond a wall. 

Self-sacrifice is just a lovely concept, explored in the disaster movie as one man sacrifices himself for the whole planet.  But wait, that sounds awfully familiar.  Because Someone already did that. 

Him?  Oh, He can go to hell, like the rest of the world. 

Grim thoughts.  I know He's always with me. 

I worry like hell about the unreached.  I cry.  I wish I could give you my faith.