Turn on the fan!

I had a couple of lousy nights, hearing music that wasn't there, or maybe just very sensitive to outside noise.  AGH.  Part of it, probably, Bad Things not liking the Bible Handout.  One night, I put in earplugs, which, oddly, helped.  Last night I didn't need them. 

Oh, that is so sad.  I am sitting in my chair, moaning to myself about the heat.  Not 2 feet from my elbow; a fan.  [facepalm]  Oh, yeah!  Turn on the fan! 

OK, I'm back.  I had to put on a headband, my hair was blowing into my face.  Amazing how much a little fan can help. 

Ron's been very quiet, and resumed taking the Gapapentin again.  When he's very quiet it generally means he is in a lot of pain.  I finally managed to accept the concept "Ron has a chronic pain issue".  Well, really my (adoptive) Mom kept beating it into me with every phone call.  "Ron is in a lot of pain, Heather, physical pain."  I asked him and he didn't deny it, which means yes. 

He is pretty stotic.  Me?  Battling depression, again.  I am getting more clever, and fiddled a little with the timing on dose #2 of daily lithium.  I may start taking 2 in the morning when I get up.  If I get the second a couple of hours of the first, I have a decent day.  If I wait?   [groan]  Not so good. 

Bible handout. 

Yesterday I wrapped most ot the Bibles - I ran out of paper.  Then I did ribbons on about 1/3 of them.  I got really, really, tired.  I prayed about it, felt they were OK, and went to bed after setting my alarm. 

Ooops.  I woke up at 5:30, instead of 4.  I abbreviated my God Time and caught a later bus. 

So, there I am, walking through the subdivision.  I pass a house with 2 vicious dogs.  I was pretty happy the hurricane did so much damage in our subdivision, because the homeowner got a new fence.  Apparently the guy who lives behind them took the viewpoint "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em" and got his own vicious monster.  HE has a very brittle and old fence. 

It's not IF that thing gets out, it's WHEN.  *I* am now walking on the other side of the street.  That thing looks like a cross between a chow and a pit bull - two dogs well known for their aggression and "bitey" nature. 

Heidi, I forgot the pepper spray.  However, with those things around I plan to carry it in my hand from now on, until I get to the nice safe bus stop where I got mugged.  [laugh]  I'd rather get mugged, than mauled! 

Anyway, there I am: A large denim tote bag on my shoulder, full of New Testaments.  2 helium balloons "Happy Face" and "Happy Mother's Day", a 22x28 inch "Free Bibles" sign, and a plastic shopping bag with a six pack of bottled Diet Dr Pepper. 

I wish I could get that into people's heads - for whatever reason, I'm a spectacle.  When I'm doing a handout, when I'm out in public with Ron - and I knew this even before his accident.  People were staring at me, because I was with the blind man.  He looks 20 years older than me, too (he is); so they have a hard time figuring out our relationship. 

ONE reason I selected 1 cm wide titanium wedding bands - I thought that might be a HINT.  One people don't get.  If Ron leaves off his wedding band (his hands swell on occasion), people refer to him as my Dad. 

Then, Ron had his accident, and there I am with the blind stroke victim in the wheelchair.  I am sure you noticed the scarring on his head.  Talk about a spectacle.  And, usually, we're having a great time.  That attracts even more attention. 

When I'm by myself, I don't get much attention and that's fine.  I don't want it; I'm not a dramatic type.  I really want a nice boring life.  However, I'm often a spectacle. 

I don't mind it if it's for a cause.  I really worry quite a bit about vanity; I want to be a humble person.  I always think the person talking about their humility isn't humble at all.  I ask God to keep me humble, and the Bible Handouts and all my "problems" certainly factor into my self-image. 

If I have any "sin" - it's probably that I have a hard time seeing myself as a valued, valuable, person.  I am working on that. 

So, I'm at the bus stop, with all my "gear".  Remember, this is not my original bus. 

She pulls up and opens the door.  I get on, flash my pass at the meter, and it beeps.  I move back over the yellow line. 

Buses have a yellow line, because people used to stand right up by the windshield.  A bus had to stop suddenly about 15 years ago, somewhere in America; and the passenger was thrown through the windshield and bled to death, embedded in the windsheild, in front of the horrified driver.  So, I always stand BEHIND the line.  Yike. 

She reads my sign out loud  "Free Bibles?"  Yes, I told her, and I'd LOVE to give her one!  She took 2. 

I got to "my" corner, and it was empty.  I got off and set up.  The balloons (NOT happening again) kept attacking me, so I tied them to the Dr Peppers and left them up near the intersection.  I prefer to "work" about 15 feet back.  They had a good time flapping around. 

The first guy had his window down.  Well, plenty of people drove by and kept going, got all frowny at me, looked exasperated, or were so tied into their own personal dramas I don't think they even SAW me. 

Humility.  It is impossible to be arrogant during a Bible handout, with the rejection! 

Anyway, he had his window down, stopped at the light, AND smiling.  I waved a (nicely wrapped) Bible at him.  "Another present for Mom!" I coaxed, then pointed at the FREE part of the sign.  He took one, then requested another for his wife. 

Things were pretty slow for another 20 minutes or so.  I tend to get some "singles" and some multiples.  Then I get a whole carload and everyone wants a Bible. 

It slowly picked up - and I'm glad some of the handouts go this way; it keeps me humble and reminds me God is the one sending me people and directing my actions. 

I started to get carloads of people, and gave each person in the car a Bible, or one person wanted several because they were going to an event.

I had one car, all the windows were down. Two adult women in the front, and an teenager in the back with a toddler. The women wanted Bibles, I asked permission, and gave another to the teen.
I had the lady, "Oh, I remember you! Give me some more, baby!"   I suspect I am becoming a "fixture".

Then, "Andrea". Remember Andrew in the Bible? He had been following John, but when John said Jesus is the Messiah, he immediately followed Jesus. THEN he went and got Peter, and told him "I found the Messiah!".

A early 20's woman came running up to me on the median. She was covered in gang tattoos, even on her face. She asked "Free Bibles?" I said yes, how many would she like?

She thought about it for a few seconds. "I'd like 5 for work" - she pointed at a fast-food restaurant. "I just got off and I'd love to give them Bibles!" She hesitated.

"If you want more, just come back!"

OK! She ran off, arms full of Bibles.   SO AWESOME to be used like that!  It was great to be reminded, I'm not the only person who wants to share Him. 

God laid it on me to give her the balloons, which kept attacking me anyway. I opened up another Diet Dr Pepper as she came back. Gave her the balloons, and more Bibles to go home.
Every handout, I get at least a couple people who smile at me, or chuckle a little. They won't ask for a Bible but God lets me know to give them one. They ALWAYS accept with gratitude.

Last but not least, I kept "noticing" a young man at the bus stop; a real burden of sorrow everytime I did. I just knew the young man really needed a Bible, so I held one back. I know he had seen me.

I had to catch that bus, so I went over to the bus stop, told him "I saved the last one for you!" and sat down. He said "Thank you!" and meant it.   It's always a little wierd waiting at a bus stop after I've given someone a Bible.  I did the usual "ignoring you" bus stop protocol. 

I had decided to go to Starbucks, and maybe get a pastry, before I went home.  Ron had clearly intended to sleep as late as possible.  He'd be staying in bed. 

So, I went and got my steamer and a pastry, got something for Ron, and got a free pastry for Mother's day.  Unlike the lizard and live bird gifts from the cat, I could eat this present, and did. 

Then I came home on the bus.  Pretty tired; took a nap.  Now I plan to relax a bit.  I have to get up at 3:30 tomorrow for work.