I always pay

Thanks for the tip, Harry! 

I had gotten a little cocky about my depression.  Sure, I had it, but I HAD it.. under control.  Ha!  Got munched PRETTY GOOD the last couple days. 

I know it's bad when I'm sitting in the house in the middle of the day, in a really old nightgown I should cut up for rags, watching TV or on the computer, not even watering the plants, picking the garden, or feeding the birds.  [sigh]

However, I think I did a pretty good job of being good to myself.  I had been considering the purchase of an electronic book for a while; prayed about it.  I seldom spend money on myself. 

I used to be a little more lavish spending, before my diagnosis, but not recently.  Anyway, I had waffled on the purchase, and finally asked God, "Lord, if you want me to get this, I will find an electronic copy of 'The Handbook for Spiritual Warfare' in the store."  See, I had done a search on "spiritual warfare" and didn't find it; so I figured if God wanted me to... He would make it happen. 

Imagine my shock when I found it.  So, I went to the bank to make the deposit, but didn't have the deposit.  I went back home, got Ron, and dragged him out for a date.  I asked him, sincerely, if he would like the money to help with expenses; the homeowner$ in$urance i$ due - and, dude, that's "like", two mortgage payments.  Not a very good coverage, either. 

Anyway, Ron said no, spend it on me.  Said he wished he made lots more money so he could spend it all on me; I told him, I don't want money, I'm a quality time kind of gal.  Ron said, lucky him.  We went off to the bank.  I made my deposit. 

We got a burger, came home.  I bought the thing and did next day shipping.  Saturday, still wearing that horrible rag when the deliveryman knocks on the door. 

Yesterday: figuring the thing out, battling depression, and downloading about 200 free books.  I bought a Bible (shocking, I know), a "wikibook" on bipolar disorder (boy, that rascal is MEATY), and a few books on Christian living.  I was pleasantly suprised that Amazon had so many free public domain books, especially Christian classics. 

Last night, got munched pretty good by depression.  Took my pills, got to a happier place, called Dad.  He would like to come visit in October.   I said that would be great. 

We got to talking, and he said he'd love to do a Bible handout with me.  Oh, boy.  That will be so much fun.  I will keep him out of the street, though.  He turns 70 this year.  I love the idea.  I love doing Bible Handouts with my loved ones. 

We talked for a nice long time, and then hung up.  I went to bed. 

I have been sleeping pretty badly every night.  I have a hard time falling asleep, and I wake up.  On a 1-10, 10 is worst, it is about a 4.  I spend a lot of time lying in bed begging God to give me a good "quality" of sleep, on what I do get, and He is merciful.  I am adjusting my caffeine intake, too. 

Last night wasn't much different.  The people next door (the messy ones who used to have the barkappotamous), bought a new truck with very loud speakers, and were "enjoying" it.  People driving by had loud music.  Something got a neighbor's dog upset.  I was lying in bed, asking God to take care of everyone, give me a good quality of sleep, and I started thanking him for all the good things in my life. 

I went to sleep; Ron had a coughing attack (happens on the Neurontin), and woke me up.  Back to sleep.  Ron had another coughing attack, this one bad enough to get me out of bed.  He could breathe, but sure couldn't talk.  I got him some juice in a cup with a straw, and that did the trick.  1 AM. 

I realized I had a vicious headache, I am cutting sugar out of my life and my body was furious.  I took some excedrin, really wondering if I WOULD sleep after 200 mg of caffeine, but I did.  I woke up at 7, felt great. 

That's a good "quality" of sleep.  We went to Starbucks, came home.  I like to get a steamed  milk thing.  Ron gets an iced latte.  I got out in the garden.  Some naughty bird has been pecking my tomatoes, and apparently loving every delicious beakfull of tomato pulp.  I had to throw a couple, tomato, victims into the compost pile.  I still picked two pocketfulls of tomatoes, and brought them in.  Ate a few snap beans, and also got my first cucumber of the year. 

I cut it up and shared it with Ron, ate all the other veggies (Ron didn't want any tomatoes).  Now a nice relaxing time and work tomorrow.  Boy, I feel like I've been through the wringer with this depression, but like I told my Dad:

I always pay for a Bible handout, with a nasty depression.  I expect it.