"I can hear it roaring in the basement"

I thought my gait was off, but when someone asked my how I hurt my foot, I realized it was a little more apparent than I thought: Properly medicated.  "Gait Difficulties"  Huh.  It was sure hard to walk.  I had to think about it and I kept thinking "I'm kind of stumbly, I have to put this in my blog".  I explained and they went Oooh. 

So, yesterday, went to work.  Did a pretty good productive time.  Ruminating a lot - I kept thinking about an issue of Ron's I found rather bothersome.  I couldn't stop thinking about it for a while, but finally Big L, as I call my Lithium, came along and whacked it. 

Came home, took a nap.  Woke up, did some computer time.  I could have sworn I did a blog, but apparently not.  Depression back, and eating me. 

I finally got the thought to take a walk.  I was hungry.  Well, I thought, there's a pizza place, with a carryout window, just a few miles from the house. 

I walked to the pizza place.  On the way, I stopped at a gas station and got a soda.  Got the pizza, brought it back. 

I have been wanting to make myself a felted cell phone case.  I'd make an oversized wool one, and wash it in hot water and make it shrink, "On purpose".  I found a nice neutral wool and started that. 

Shared the pizza with Ron, watched the finale for Stargate-Universe.  I definitely got the feel it was a last-minute job.  I got the feeling it had been the season ender, not the show ender; however they left a nice big door if they want to restart the program.  I kind of went, Huh. 

Then I went to bed.  I woke up around 6, slept in until 7.  Got up, did my God Time, talked to Ron.  We had today off.  I took my lithium (I am taking 2 tablets in the morning, and one at night). 

Today was not my best public transportation day.  I spent a lot of time waiting on buses.  Anyway, I headed out with my stuff.  I went to the not-my-favorite grocery store.  I want to like them, really, but I find out of code items, or rude employees, and I don't shop for ages. 

Anyway, I was going to my Favorite Christian bookstore,so I bought them some Honeybuns.  I got myself some Diet Dr Pepper.  I have an ongoing joke with one guy (at the bookstore) about bringing him a Dr Pepper, on my way out, as a joke, I bought him a can of the store brand.  I still had some change, so I bought myself a can of diet. 

OOOPS!  They had a problem; it dispensed two.  I am such a vending geek - and I MISSED MY BUS to do this, I called the company, gave them the asset number, and told them it was running a buy-one-get-one free special (it is pretty common for machines to do this, if it does please do what I did).  They thanked me. 

A manager had rung me up, so I mentioned, in passing, to him.  "I ALREADY KNOW ABOUT IT" he snarled.  Huh.  Good thing I'm a Christian. 

So, I walked out and saw my bus roar off.  Then I had to wait at the bus stop with the mother of toddler twins who kept acting up.  It was a long wait; made especially memorable when one little girl pulled off her undies and urinated right at the bus stop. 

I was pretty goofy by now; and I kept thinking I was so happy I didn't have to watch a toddler.  No way could I keep up with an active baby.  No surprise my mother lost custody; properly medicated she couldn't have cared for me!  However, at the time she was drinking and unmedicated. 

So, I got off the bus.  I had a hard time moving my feet properly; at the low end of toxic.  However, NOT depressed. 

Like I told Ron "I can hear it roaring in the basement". 

Went to the bookstore; the honeybuns were a huge hit.  Everyone at the store, loves honeybuns.  Good call!  I will have to do more; they won't melt in the summer heat.  They are about the cost of a single bottle of soda.  I can do that.  They had a laugh over the generic brand soda. 

They gave me a couple more Bibles, which I've already given away.  More on that later. 

They kept asking if I was "alright".  I had to explain "properly medicated - side effects are better than the alternative". 

I know I was "impaired".  I looked like it.  That's why, a few days after my diagnosis, I "confided" in the biggest gossip at work, that I had bipolar disorder, was taking medciation, and enduring some intense side effects.  They were very sympathetic, and 2 minutes after they walked off the whole plant knew.  Ha.  I planned it that way.  If I'd asked them to tell, they wouldn't. 

In fact, someone at work was asking questions about bipolar + psychotic features "For a friend with the illness, she is getting really paranoid".  I explained it was perfectly normal, just talk to doc, take the pill, and all better. 

Ron later mentioned the "friend' may have been the lady asking questions.  Oh, well.  I am always happy to educate.  I wanted information and had to fight to get it; now I am happy to give it freely. 

So, I wobbled off, thinking Lord, I can't do much today but that's OK, isn't it?  You just need me to lean on You.  Give me the grace to deal with everything, and I'm good.   I will stop with the expectations, if You're happy with me that's all that matters. 

Somehow I made it across the very busy street, down the road, and to the bus stop.  A little bit of a wait, almost time to meet Ron now. 

I called him, he confirmed he would be meeting me for lunch.  He had a trip to the liquor store, but cancelled because "I don't want to go".  Awesome.  I really feel like my prayers are bearing fruit.  "Deliverance from addictions". 

I had enough time to go to a craft store and the other Christian bookstore.  I checked the vending machine, it needs 5 cases.  I called Ron "Get your digital recorder" Why?  "Because I have my head in a vending machine and we need soda".  I read off the sodas. 

I went to the restaurant (a takeout/fastfood) and waited out front for him.  I always like to tease Ron and the driver a little "Oh, boy!  I'll take this one!"