We answer kindly

Not a good morning. I slept well, but the stupid dog barking next door, very annoying.

I actually got up depressed and had a pretty miserable couple of hours. I finally got smart, took a double dose of Wellbutrin (150 mg) with my AM, and did a punching bag workout listening to my favorite tunes. It's pretty hard to stay depressed while listening to something like "Make War".



Most likely, you HATE rap. Well, turn down the volume and read the lyrics. :) It's great reading.

Ron wanted to work on his gate, and he needed help. He had been a little ugly to me earlier, he really doesn't understand when I'm depressed, I'm not "mean"; I'm not "attacking him". I'm depressed. I don't have the energy... [sigh]

Anyway, God made it clear to me that I should help Ron as though he had just declared his undying love for me. When Ron is ugly to me God always reminds me of this verse: 1 Corinthians 4:11-13 (New International Version)
11To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. 12We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; 13when we are slandered, we answer kindly. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.

What I "endure" is not unique. Every "good" Christian signs up for a boatload of persecution and attacks. The Devil loves to attack me through Ron.

It does not help that Ron bought a case of beer, a 5 liter wine box, and three GALLONS of vodka just this week. [sigh] Alcohol - not my buddy. I will say witnessing Ron's drinking has cured me of ever wanting the stuff myself. It's humiliating and degrading to watch.

It's not my job to judge, I won't. Ron can't see God's love for him, and understand that a loving God only allows us to suffer for a greater good. I wish I could put that in his head. [sigh]

I can't let it get me down. But I tell you, how could I do it without God in my life? Just the FAS, horrendous rates of suicide and depression; imprisonment, fighting, homelessness. Bipolar. Boy... 50% attempt suicide, fighting, broken homes, etc. A lot end up homeless too.

Alcoholic husband. Oh, boy. Now let's add profound physical disabilities and impulse control difficulties due to HIS brain damage! I couldn't handle any ONE of them, much less the whole package, without Jesus!

HE carries the load, I walk beside him and ask Him for guidance. If He says "Go" I do it. "Forgive" - they're forgiven. I commit to prayer warfare and Bible Study, so I can be well armored as I do battle with the Devil.

God wants me on his team. He has a special role for me, I'll do it. It's damned hard sometimes but I have yet to find a Bible passage promising me an easy life. No, God promises He's with me through it all.

Only He knows the demons I've fought - I wouldn't even know how to type it out; and I know God has used my "illness" and "disability" to foster an incredible dependence and trust on him. He's always with me. He will NEVER forsake me.

He has never and will never fail me, either.