Today, I had two, no, three, rather discouraging events.
I woke up with a nasty sore throat. Ron wanted to make plans, for "The next time I get so drunk it looks like I can't go to work". And a Metrolift driver confided in me that he had brought Ron to work, the last time he got so drunk, and was very worried about him. "I didn't think he'd make it up the sidewalk."
We'll address them in order: I have my favorite herbal remedy, Olive Leaf. Obviously, God AND my body are telling me, "Heather, you need to take it easy for a few days." I can do that. Lots of protien and rest, and I'll be better in no time.
I take opportunities to thank God, when I have a headache, virus, or just major fatigue I take the opportunity to thank God for everything that does work. Look at my kidneys. They process lots of fluids every day and do a great job. Sure, I have to urinate a lot, but I am able to do that on my own. It's also a sign that I'm properly medicated and I thank God for that. I'd probably also thank God for the fact that I wasn't overly tired, nauseous, headachy, etc. I really endeavor to focus on the positive. The last time I had a sore throat like this was 2 years ago, after Hurricane Ike and Ron's illness. Not a big deal, as a friend would say.
I was completely freaked out when Ron made his suggestion. "The next time it looks like I'm too drunk to work..." I'm supposed to turn on his music, loudly. That, he claims, will wake him up and make him alert. I told him we had different views of his ability in that condition; and God forbid it did happen again, I'd be forced to make a video. The fact that I set his crowing rooster alarm next to his head, shook him, shouted in his ear, and braved the slapping and cursing that ensued says a lot.
"I'm not putting myself in danger" I said. "I'm just going to work. Since you don't believe me, I'll just make a video and you can watch it for yourself." I could say a lot of very personal, revealing things. I won't. I find it very, very, sad, and not a little provoking.
So how do I find the good in that? My husband is planning his next blackout! He has a massive problem with alcohol and is in danger of hurting himself. Well, I can only do so much. If he hurts himself drinking, he knows I will put a note on him and call 911, sending him to the hospital by himself. He can sober up alone in the ER after they put him back together (he falls quite a bit when drunk, loud, horrible, crashes). Until Ron decides he wants to change, I can refuse to buy him alcohol. I can discourage his drinking the hard stuff. He is very sensitive to control issues, so I just make a statement and leave it at that.
I can view this as demonic attacks on my faith and my marriage, and decide that I must be doing some good for God, if the Devil wants to attack my husband. I can resolve to be even stronger in Jesus, pray harder, and hand out more Bibles. I do. I also realize it's my job to love him, not to fix him.
Ron's drinking is a terrible reflection on - Ron. I'm just the woman who loves him. That's the attitude I took when the driver told me he was the one who brought Ron to work that day. I know these guys gossip, and I have to assume everyone knew Ron was that bad. I choose to take the view, shame on Ron. It makes Ron look bad.
Maybe it makes me look more sympathetic. If I can hand out Bibles, married to an alcoholic, "crazy", brain-damaged, married to a man who is very physically damaged, with his own brain damage, maybe that's a credit to Jesus and what he can do with a life.
My job, is pleasing God. That's my focus.
No comments:
Post a Comment